Random Photos and Other Things

Hey peeps, s'up? As you can see, I'm super cool and dope and up with the current lingo. Or something. Ahem. 

It's sharing of snaps time for #LifeThisWeek, but as you may be aware I am not a particularly snappy person. Especially when I have been a giddy old goat and not getting about much. Nevertheless I will share what meagre tidbits I can.

Sunday before last we went for an impromptu drive to Fernhill Estate. I sat in the car while Mickey Blue Eyes did the walking trail. It was a lovely day. 

This was my view from the car. 

I procured a stash of second hand books via my father in law. Winning!

I also have a lovely lot of library books. See below:

And because clearly I was in desperate need of something to read I ordered a couple more second hand books from a website called Browse Books.  Shut up.

Mr 17 found this photo in old wallet my dad gave him.

Passport photo circa 1981 My mum, brother and I

My brother and I circa 1993ish? 

I had my yearly mammogram last Friday. Fingers toes arms legs eyeballs crossed for the results. 

I am plodding on with my vestibular rehabilitation therapy as well as zoom appointments with my psychologist. Progress is being made in a painstaking fashion. Sigh. 

I need to work on exposure therapy so I can get out and about. Not to mention back to work! 

In the meantime I amuse myself in unusual ways. Like looking at daggy houses on real estate websites for no reason. The daggier the better. Like this one:

It's certainly eye catching, don't you think? 

On Thursday it's our wedding anniversary plus Chandler's birthday! Bring on more cake!

Well, that's it from me. I'll be over here keeping things lit and fully sic reading ALL THE BOOKS. 

YOLO!

Told you I had the lingo down. 

Until next time, 

Ness 

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Book Fetish, Miracle Baby Turns 18 & Other Bits & Pieces

Good evening to you! Or morning, or afternoon, depending upon where and when you're reading this. Figured I'd check in to my lonely little blog. Because what else am I gonna do on a Saturday night? Go out. Meet people. Socialise, you say? Bahahahahahahaha.  NO.

In my defence, my Friday night was COMPLETELY WILD AND CRAZY. It was spent on the couch buried in blankets, reserving library books online. This was despite the fact that I already currently have 17 items on loan. See? Crazy shit, huh? Not so wild as it turns out. But definitely crazy. So there's that. Shut up.

I'm with you, Steve!

In other news, I'm one week in to a four week break from TAFE. Semester One, DONE! Semester Two begins July 23. Eventually I will officially be some sort of Library Technician-y thing, just like I was in the olden days (early 1990s - totally prehistoric), but, you know, different. Cause apparently they do more than just put books on shelves and things these days. Probably just as well. I may have a book fetish. See above. Ahem.

Anyway, what else can I tell you? Oh yeah, I'm still going gangbusters in my volunteer role at Vinnies. I have no idea whatsoever what 'gangbusters' really means but it sounds impressive, so let's just go with it.

Yesterday, all the phones and computers were down due to a power outage the day before. This meant we couldn't take any calls (duh!) so the other admin lady and I read magazines and copied recipes we'll likely never cook. Until the mobile phone they'd diverted calls to actually worked and then I had to answer it and speak to a person in need. Rude.

No seriously, I'd rather have stuff to DO. There was a bunch of groceries delivered and I helped unpack them. Then there was a bunch of toiletries donated from a church. Some of the hand wash bottles were not screwed tightly and had leaked. The overwhelming intermingling and clashing scents gave me a throbbing headache. Sometimes I forget I'm autistic and have sensory issues. Luckily I had some extra strength paracetamol in my bag and managed to nip it in the bud quickly.

When I finished for the day there was a bunch of food trucks setting up for the night markets, but I resisted all the churros and other treats on offer because clearly I'm broke a health fanatic. I wandered into Westpoint to get a few groceries instead.

In keeping with the health fanatic thing, a bbq chook and hot  chips were bought for dinner. In keeping with my fetish, Mickey Blue Eyes picked me up in the library car park... Just kidding! I mean yes, he did pick me up there, but not because of my fetish.  It's actually easier to do this because the parking at Westpoint is farked due to ongoing work fixing structural damage. Supposedly it's going to be resolved soon-ish. Fingers crossed.

In approximately 11 days I will officially be the mother of an adult son. Mr 17 turns 18! He was my so-called 'miracle baby' 18 years ago. Long story. Read about it here and here if you're interested.

He decided he didn't want a party but he wants to go to a buffet and feast on all the things. As you can see, I've totally instilled the health fanatic thing into him. But it's a wise decision. He's soooooo skinny. He may as well enjoy the illusion of being able to eat until you burst and remain svelte while it lasts. I believe I too was skinny once, a very long time ago. Well, perhaps not quite THAT skinny, but reasonably so. Sigh.

On that note, I know I need to do something about my weight but I'm so stuck for a number of reasons:

1. I like cake.
2. I've tried various things over the years: groups at the women's health centre, the Get Healthy service thing-y where some one rings you to discuss being healthier, a dietitian, exercise addiction (worked when I was at least 15 - 20 years younger and not menopausal), and, of course, good old Weight Witches (worked really well...until it didn't...)
3. I like chocolate.
4. Each time I did Weight Witches I ended up fatter in the long term. See above. So clearly the whole 'diets make you fat' theory definitely...erm...holds some weight for me...  (Terrible puns FTW!)
5. I like FOOD.

I generally don't talk about this shit because there's nothing more boring and super annoying than someone complaining they're fat then shoveling cake in their gob. Plus I see people in my volunteer role who don't even have basic food and I feel pathetic cause I'm basically whingeing that I have too much food. Seriously?! So I'll shut up about it now. 😥


At least I know the Mother Of The Decade Award is still mine. Managed to forget Mr 10 had an excursion on Wednesday. Consequently he missed the bus and stayed home. He was thrilled. Winning!

And now for the breathless anticipation that arrives at this time of the year. Nope, I'm not one of those lunatics who starts counting how many days until Christmas mid year. You know who you are. STOP IT.

My breathless anticipation revolves around having my tits crushed. It's time. Soon. I'm reasonably confident that all is good, but still. The FEAR. It'll be four years this year. So yeah, keep everything crossed for me!

I'm sure I could go rambling on forever but I better not. It's weird how I think I have nothing to report but then I get started and waffle on about everything and nothing. You're welcome.

OK, I better tackle those library books!  So I can borrow MORE. Look, it's a harmless fetish. You're just jealous! Sniff.

Over and out!

What's happening in your world? Do you have a (G-rated!) fetish?

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10 Things That Make Me Happy #FridayReflections

Hello again!  It's time for another groovy list type post! YAY! Well, I'm certainly excited. Because I'm listing ten things that make me happy. And that makes me...happy!

Because let's face it, there are many times in this gig called life when you feel flat, despondent, dejected, forlorn and just plain old blah. Shut up. Blah is totally a word.

Well, it's definitely a feeling anyway. I guess that's why I call it the blahs. Elton John can call it the blues. I can't stop him. But I'm sticking with the blahs. YOU can't stop ME. So ner.

It's important to have strategies in place to lift those blahs and hopefully feel better.

Here's ten things that make me happy whenever I have the blahs. I am challenging myself to not mention cakies whatsoever. Sure, they make me happy. Temporarily. Until I come down from my sugar high. And realise how frightfully fat I am. Sigh.

Plus I need to remind myself that there are plenty of other things out there that can help. And just back the hell away from the comfort eating. Seriously, Nesski.

Side note: my current Facebook profile picture is a photo of cakes with a 'So in love' frame. Told you. I need help.

Back to my list.

TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1. Exercise. Unfortunately the feeling better bit comes after the actual exercise itself. So rude. However, it's always worth it. With this in mind, I made myself move this morning by doing some brisk aerobics. Then I ate a cupcake. DOH. See? Seriously. Need. Help. 
2. Writing/blogging. It's quite therapeutic. With the added benefit that when I'm tapping or scribbling away I can't shovel food into my gob. That's something.
3. Getting out of the house. Even a trip to the library counts. I hope. Because I rarely go anywhere else. Oops. Note to self: get out more. 
4. Patting my dog. This is usually done in conjunction with singing ridiculous made-up-as-I-go ditties to her. Such as this: "Cookie, the amazing dog! Cookie, the amazing dog! Cookie, the amazing dog! She's an amazing dog!" Meanwhile, Cookie looks at me like a I'm a lunatic. But so long as the lunatic keeps patting her she'll tolerate it.
5. Cuddles/playing Uno with Mr 9. Despite his issues with losing, we still have fun. Always. 
6. Watching something funny. My current favourite is DVDS of The Golden Girls. Admittedly some of the jokes haven't worn well, but overall I still love it. And I can always laugh at the 1980s fashion. That hasn't worn well either. Tee hee.
7. Sing. Badly. See above. Lately (besides made up ditties to my dog) it's the soundtrack of Hello Dolly on rotation in my head. Who cares how bad you sound if makes you feel better? Well, perhaps my family. But I put up with their noise, so we're even.
8. Reading. Books and reading have always been my happy place. Hence my many trips to the library. It's fortunate that such a simple thing can give me contentment. I'm happier with a bargain book from an op shop than extravagant designer shoes or handbags. Winning! 😁
9. Dressing up a bit and putting some lipstick on. I'm fairly low maintenance these days in regards to grooming. But sometimes it's fun to pretend you're one of the Golden Girls and get your shoulder pads/earrings and a bit of lippy on. I now have the required silver hair without even trying. Just call me Dorothy/Rose/Blanche/Sophia. 
10. All of the above things work really well for a passing case of the blahs, but sometimes things get a bit more grim and I require professional help. Talking to a good counselor or psychologist really helps. Even though it's HARD. Well, it is for me. I don't talk. But sometimes I have to force myself. Just like exercise. 

Bonus things that make me happy: Notebooks and pens, listening to music, cups of tea, or a glass of wine. It's the simple things, really. Don't you think?

Anyway, that concludes my list.

Now I'm off to watch The Golden Girls. Which begins by singing the theme song. Badly. 

"Thank you for being a frieeend..."

Linking up for Friday Reflections. 

Do you call it the blahs or blues?

What makes you happy?

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Overrated Books

It's never been any secret that books are one of my most favourite things in the whole wide world. As far as I'm concerned, you can never have too many books. Also, it's not hoarding if it's books. Because I say so. And that settles the matter. 

Ever since I was a child I always had a book permanently attached to my hand. Shame it's now often a phone... but that's another story...

Even so, there are certain books that failed to enthral me. It's even more puzzling when they're books or authors that are so beloved and popular. It leaves you wondering if there was something you missed. Is it possible that you read the same book as others? It's a very curious thing. Let me assure you, I am the furthest thing from a reading snob. Read what you like, I say. If it's some sort of  Game Of  Thrones fan fiction, who am I to judge?

I've gone from a passionate love of Enid Blyton (who probably seems unhinged and secretly racist to today's kidlets), to the completely stupid Sweet Valley High series as a teen. Then onto reading Mills and Boon romances, then a tonne of dubious 'chick lit' and implausible thrillers. My main purpose in reading is pure escapism. So there will never be any judgement from me. 

However, there have been a few books I just don't get. Without further ado, here are three books I consider to be overrated:

THE SLAP BY SOME DUDE WITH AN UNPRONOUNCEABLE NAME

Yeah, that dude. How do you pronounce it?

I read it last year because I'd heard good things about it. It sounded like an interesting premise: a group of friends at a suburban barbeque where an adult slaps another person's child. 

To be honest, the only part of the book I enjoyed was the description of the food at the barbeque. Which probably says a lot about me... Ahem...

It seemed to me that every single character in this book was thoroughly unlikable.  Maybe I'm too much of a Pollyanna or something, but I need to feel like I actually like at least one character to care about what happens to them at the end of the novel. 

Another thing that disturbed me was some of sex scenes. In one, a female character fantasises that she's being raped. What the...? I don't have a copy of the novel anymore to quote the scene, but it bothered me. Maybe some women like it rough, and good luck to them, but rape? Really? 

Also, I'm wondering if there is really quite so much drug taking among the Australian middle classes? It seemed like every character was into drugs.  I dunno, I guess I just live in a bubble... In Sydney's western suburbs surrounded by druggies and meth labs... Yet I've never taken an illegal drug in my entire life. Go figure. 

Anyway, I'm sure this Christos dude doesn't care what I think. He's too busy winning literary awards and writing his next best-selling, critically acclaimed masterpiece, while I'm sitting here writing this crappy blog. Sniff. 

WUTHERING HEIGHTS BY EMILY BRONTE

Yes, you read that right. I am really going to call this classic of literature for nearly 200 years overrated.  Confession: I've never actually read the entire novel. I've tried several times during my life and I just couldn't do it. And I LOVE AND WORSHIP the Bronte sisters! Jane Eyre is one my favourite novels of all time. I could read it again and again. But not this. 

I know that Emily Bronte is considered to be some sort of incredible brooding genius; and she probably was. It's not her, it's me. For so many years I figured I had to force myself to read this, because it's such a classic. But you know what? NO. I just can't. Besides, I know what happens at end, anyway.

SPOILER ALERT: Heathcliff and Cathy die and their ghosts wander about the moors and haunt people, and then Kate Bush writes a song about it and dances about in a field or something.... Yeah, that. Overrated. Moving on. 

                            I recommend the Kate Bush song/video NOT the novel. 

ANYTHING BY JODI PICOULT

I thought I'd give this author a go because she is so incredibly popular. She's sold enough novels to fill the Atlantic ocean or the entire cosmos or the Sahara desert or... You get the picture. She's sold a shit tonne of novels. I guess people like her. I don't. The first time I tried to read one of her novels was many years ago. I picked up a novel called The Pact. It was about a suicide pact between two young people. However, I wasn't in a very good head space at the time, due to having lost a baby. Therefore, I decided that reading a book about suicide wasn't a good idea. Fast forward several years and I spotted another Jodi Picoult novel called Plain Truths on a sale table. I figured I'd give her another go.

As I vaguely recall, the plot centred around a hotshot lawyer, who somehow ends up defending an Amish girl, accused of murdering her newborn baby. Look, it was actually a good story, but it just went on and on and ON. By the middle of the novel I'd guessed the ending, anyway. So it just seemed superfluous to have hundreds more pages. I ended up skipping ahead to the ending, and my guess was right. Personally, I wouldn't bother reading any more Jodi Picoult novels, but as I mentioned, she is SO popular and famous. I guess it's just me. Shrugs.

A google search shows me that this novel was made into a TV film in 2004, starring Mariska Hargitay. It might be worth a watch, rather than wasting days or weeks on the plodding novel.

 

So there you have it. Three novels I thought were overrated.  Then of course there is 90 percent of the entire self-help, non-fiction genre...and anything with vampires... and the Fifty Shades series.. but I'll be here forever...  

What about you? Have you read any of the above novels? 

Which books do you think are overrated?

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21 Random Facts About Me

1. My parents named me Vanessa after seeing Vanessa Redgrave in the movie Camelot. Almost everyone calls me Ness, except my parents and Mick who stuck with the Vanessa thing. 
2. My hair used to be straight but now it's curly because I had chemo. Sigh. 
3. My favourite drink is tea.
4. I can't wear perfume. It gives me headaches. 
5. I didn't learn to drive until I was 36. 
6. When adulting seems too hard I often fantasize about being a dog. I draw the line at becoming a Furry, though. It'd be too hot in summer. 

Image credit: https://onsizzle.com/i/i-dont-want-to-adult-today-i-dont-even-want-2681494

7. I'm struggling to get back into exercise post breast cancer. 
8. I almost never listen to the radio.
9. I prefer showers to baths.
10. I love reading but don't understand how people can read in the bath.
11. As a child I was scared of elevators and escalators. And boats, and heights and cockroaches. And people. Nothing much has changed. Ahem. 
12. I didn't realise I was pregnant the first time until around 26 weeks (approximately six months).
13. To my right there is a tall bookcase and a smaller one. Both are filled with books. Well, I did say they were random facts. 
14. I am trying to de-clutter my home. But it's not hoarding if it's books, right? (See above). 
15. I am terrible at multi-tasking. Except when I'm blogging, Facebooking, drinking wine and eating all the food simultaneously. I SMASH that. 
16. My middle name is Faye. Which sounds like an old lady name in 2016. Totally goes with my nanna curls. Winning! 
17. I don't think I'm interesting enough to make it to 21 facts. Thinking, thinking, thinking...
18. I've never had a sister or a daughter . Never will. Interesting. (I do have two wonderful sister-in-laws). 
19. I live in the same suburb I was born in 45 years ago. 
20. I'm super untidy but I can't stand having sticky or wet hands. Weird.
21. I am currently sipping a cup of tea. See point number 3. I am NOT eating cake with it. I am very sad and wistful about this. And I'm not even skinny yet! RUDE. 

There you have it. 21 totally random facts about me. You're welcome! 

Linking up for Friday Reflections. 

Are there any interesting random facts about you? 

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Then And Now

Welcome to another fabulous Friday! My second favourite F word. You all know what the first one is!

FOOD! Duh.

Don't know what YOU were thinking.

Anyway, it's time to join in yet again for Friday Reflections!

I decided to merge two of the prompts because I thought they tied in neatly together. 

They are:

What did you want to be as a kid?
And...

Did you think you'd be doing what you're doing now? 

I was never really one of those kids who woke up one morning and thought: when I grow up I want to be a doctor/teacher/ballerina.

Just as well because; a) I can't stand the sight of blood, b) I struggle to even get through my kids homework, and c) I have the grace of an elephant on roller skates. 

If I thought about it all, I most likely assumed that I was going to be the next Enid Blyton. I adored her novels and read them obsessively. However, I never had a real plan.

I've always been a dreamer not a doer. Consequently I've kind of drifted through life. And here I am.

I always knew exactly what I DIDN'T want to do, but at the same time had no clear idea what I DID want to do.

As high school cruised towards it's inevitable finale, I had to make a decision. I enjoyed studying German. In fact, I was the genius who somehow failed English in my HSC and passed German. Go figure.

If I remember those heady mullet-permed days correctly, I decided to apply to university to study interpreting and translating. The only catch was, you had to be bilingual, fluent in two languages. It turns out that a couple of years of high school German wasn't enough to make me fluent. Who knew? So that idea was over with before it even started. 

To cut a long story short, I ended up studying at TAFE, something they used to call Library Practice (it's called something else now), and worked in libraries for a while. Until I didn't. Then I did again. Then I had babies and stayed home to look after them. Fast forward fifteen years. I'm still here, even though they're not babies anymore. Details...

Anyway, my point is, I now believe I was on the right track with the library thing. I always imagined that someday I'd go back to it, but now I have this cavernous fifteen year gap in my resume. Oops.

That's the thing about me. I'm not really one thing nor the other. I'm not a driven, career-oriented person, but I'm not really a house-wifey type either. It's another one of those curious dichotomies or contradictions about me: I'm a homebody and introvert, who definitely prefers being in my own space most of the time, but I'm not actually brilliant at being the person in charge of running the home. Weird. 

Hmmm, I guess I really should have been an eccentric stay-at-home millionaire or something... 

Or a professional daydreamer! Which is almost the same thing as being a writer. Well, except for the actual writing and getting paid part...

Unfortunately, the thought of being an author was always more of a fanciful daydream. A kind of 'yeah wouldn't that be nice' thing rather than having a concrete plan and goal. 

The only thing I really knew for sure as a child, was that one day I wanted to be a wife and mother. So in that sense, you could say I am doing what I thought I'd be doing. 

Admittedly, when I just thought and daydreamed about being a mother it was SO much easier! I was a perfect parent. Until I had kids! 

In my fantasies of being a grown up I was a tall, regal auburn haired 'Anne Shirley' type. I was married to my very own Gilbert Blythe. I had endless patience and wisdom to impart to my angelic fictional children.

Scenes played out in my head like something out of a movie or sit-com. I must have spent way more time watching television when I was growing up than I realised! 

To be honest, I never really thought specifically about what I'd be doing in my 40's. When you're a kid 20 seems ancient, let alone 40! 

I didn't have such a great grasp of reality.  Possibly due to all those Enid Blyton books and American sit coms I consumed. I'm sure I figured I'd be much better looking than I am and have a beautiful, immaculate home.

But you know what? Real life is way more interesting. 'Perfect' is overrated. 

As it turns out, even my childhood idol, Enid Blyton, was far from perfect. Well, according to her wikipedia page, anyway. If it's on the internet it must be true, right? Snorts.

Her novels have also been criticised as being all sorts of  dodgy things, including racist, in today's world. But they did provide me with some flights of fancy and a love of reading, so no harm done.

And while I may not have followed in her footsteps, I can still tap away here and indulge my love of words. Yeah, you're totally welcome!

Sure, there are moments when I wish I was more ambitious and goal-oriented, but for some one who has drifted and daydreamed through life, I don't have too much to complain about. 

Smashing! 

Linking up for Friday Reflections. 

What did you want to be as a kid?

Did you think you'd be doing what you are now? 

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The Month That Was September

Another September has disappeared. It seemed to make such a fleeting appearance. Sexy old September seduced us into spring then slunk away into clouds and wet weather. Then became all sultry again. Make up your mind, September! Oh wait. You have. And you're out of here. Just in time for October. Funny about that. 

But we were talking about September. Right. So let's get on with it.

Insert exciting September stuff HERE.  

Hmmmm, I'm sure there was SOMETHING exciting. Sort of. Kind of. OK, not really. 

But there was all the usual boring life stuff. Maybe I'll do that thing where you add 'and shit' to the end of every sentence to make it sound all cutting edge and gangsta and...erm... shit. 

Here goes:

Read some books and shit.  Did the housework and shit. Did all the usual sleeping and eating and shit. Moped and mulled, loved and lived, plodded and planned. And shit. 

Totally works! That sounds SO EXCITING! And shit. Maybe a bit more emphasis on the shit part. Oh well, I tried. 

Sexy old September did, in fact, have it's moments.

It all kicked off with Father's Day. We enjoyed a meal out at a Chinese Restaurant. Let's not talk about the resulting MSG headache  the next day. DOH. 

The month plodded on and I did so many exciting and avant garde things that I can't even remember what they are. This may sound strange to you but it happens when you're such a social butterfly.

Ok, you caught me. I'm not a social butterfly. But I'm trying. And I did leave the house each week this month! That's something. 

There was usual shopping, plus a visit to the library. Always thrilling when you're a dedicated bookworm. Look, we can't all be party animals. I stand by my love of libraries. 

In contrast with my usual ad hoc approach to blogging, this month I blogged consistently two to three times per week! You're welcome! 

September was the month I decided that I'm totally winning at life. 

I pondered on some important topics such as beginnings and life as a dog.  

I joined in for the first time with Friday Reflections and attempted some fiction. I was thrilled to be chosen for that week's featured writer! 

There was more mundane stuff when I took Mr 7 and 12 for dentist appointments. I was a super proud mumma because they handled the experience so well while I was FREAKING OUT.  Yep, I'm such a mature adult. 

However, there was some mature adulting stuff related to another doctor's appointment. It was revealed that I have high cholesterol and I started medication. I also got a referral to see a dietitian and then proceeded to eat like some sort of crazed, deprived person about to be locked up in a dungeon and starved. As you do. OK, as I do. I'm classy like that. 

Related: I did quite a bit of cooking, but then I just ate it and didn't photograph it. SO weird. 

Oh yes, I also attended a de-cluttering workshop held by my local council. More information on that and I round up of what I learnt coming soon! 

We also enjoyed a night out without the kidlets thanks to my parents. We went to an Indian restaurant with a bunch of friends. The next day Mickey Blue Eyes and I wondered what exactly it was that we  all used to talk about a decade ago. These days it seems to be about all our ailments: deteriorating eye sight, hearing, knee operations, surgeries and, of course, cancer, just to name a few. Fun times.

Related: when did we go so freaking OLD? 

Now it's school holidays! We've enjoyed some chaotic quiet days at home. Pyjama days are THE  BEST. 

However, I did manage to escape the nut house last Tuesday for a girl's day out. My friend Julie picked me up and we headed to the Central Coast for the day. We had lunch and then visited our other friend, Kim who moved up there earlier this year.

The next day THIS happened: 

A bee hive. It was in a tree in our front yard.

The Bee Movie! Right there in our front yard! There were thousands and thousands of bees swarming, buzzing and scaring the bejesus out of the boys. We had to call a professional to come and take it away. 

It's interesting because my late Pop used to be an Apiarist. Some years ago my parents also had a hive in their backyard. Look, I know there's some sort of logical explanation why these things happen. Spring. Pollen. Bees. Makes total sense. But there's a possibility that it has something to do with my Pop as well, right? 

It's been such glorious weather that we decided to end September with an impromptu picnic. So we set out on Friday, which turned out to be conveniently blustery and freezing. Oh well. We had fun anyway! 

And that concluded another sensational September! 

Now bring on the countdown to Christmas! And shit. 

Linking up for The Month That Was and IBOT

Images: Pexels; Giphy

What did you get up to in September? 

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What's In My Handbag plus Shopping SUCKS

My TITS are in my handbag. That got your attention, didn't it? Okay, not my tits exactly, but my pretty pink Ipod that my brilliant imaginary friends Posski and Randa gave me was christened TITS. Perfect.

This is all leading up to today's confession, which is, most surprisingly:

What is in your handbag right now?

Allow me to tell you:

TITS (aka pink Ipod)

A purse. Sadly one that doesn't contain much cold, hard cash. Sigh

A book.

A tattered Fill-In. They're sort of like a lazy person's crossword, because they give you the answers and you fill them in in the right spots corresponding with each other. 

My adult colouring-in book.

My pencil case with pencils, pens and textas. (See above).

My lip balm. 

Normally I might have a brush, but I don't need those right now. I'm baldy. HAWT.  I now have a small collection of large handbags and a large collection of lovely hats. Awesome. 

That's about it. These items are essential for my long, boring chemo treatments and copious waiting in doctor's waiting rooms for appointments. This is pretty much my life right now.

Nothing much to report there except I had Cycle 3 of chemo last Wednesday and so far it's treating me kindly. Furthermore, I am nearly finished!!! Hallelujah! One more Cycle on the 24th and I'm DONE! 

Of course, then I will get my genetic test results back and find out what the next step is.  I am only very slightly petrified about this. Gulps.

So in order to keep my mind occupied I've been doing some of the afore-mentioned things in my handbag, reading, fill-ins etc. Additionally I've written some very dodgy poems. I won't share all of them with you (you're welcome), but this one made me giggle. I hope you do, too. 

Here goes:

SHOPPING SUCKS: A touching poem 

By Yours Truly

Shopping and cooking are a mystery to me
Yet often I drool over a recipe I see
Optimistically I set off, finding myself here at the shop
Where I frantically search for the list I forgot

It's laying at home, mocking and derisive
For even IT knows I am never decisive
Then I ponder and think, what items did I jot?
Do you think I remember? No! I cannot! 

Do I need coffee? Do I need tea?
What is the difference between camenbert and brie?
I know I need milk, but don't know what kind
We all prefer different types, you will find

The boys prefer THEIR milk to be fully-leaded
But the way that my dodgy cholesterol is headed
I am resigned to the boring old skim
Mickey Blue Eyes? It's 'light' milk for him! 

Of course I'll buy bread, but definitely NO CAKE!
Why? Because we all know I'll eat it, for goodness sake!
Did I need plain or self-raising flour?
I become more annoyed and perplexed by the hour

 I heave my clunky trolley through the brightly lit aisles
Wondering if other folk suffer all these trials
Up aisle one, down aisle two, three and four
My head is aching and my feet are so sore
Coles FM is droning on, I can't take it anymore! 

If I have to endure 'easy listening' for so long
PLEASE at least play a Carpenters song!
Then suddenly, while overwhelmed by choice
I DO blissfully hear that unrecognisable voice

Unperturbed, along I start singing
Impervious to the peeved looks I am bringing
I'm the weird woman who croons as she lingers
For slightly too long near the Birds Eye Fish Fingers

Abruptly I snap out of my Karen reverie
Feeling foolish, all eyes are following me
I must hurry up, get straight back to my task
Finish the shopping , get out of here FAST! 

There are three ravenous boys, all of whom I must feed
Even if they refuse the five serves of veggies they need
It has to be done, so on I endeavour
This is fun! RIGHT. Said no one, EVER!

Then a family reunion is starting to thrive
Conveniently clogging up most of aisle five
How will ever get out of here alive?
But I must keep going, so onwards I strive

Alas, it seems that even this isn't enough
It's just not my day. I must have no luck!
I spot some one I know, there in full sight!
An introvert's awkward and most irksome plight

I stop in dismay, watching like a hawk
Petrified I'll be cornered into difficult small talk
But when I turn to make my escape
Again I have made the most ghastly mistake

What else can go wrong? Yes, I know, I know! 
But it's torture for me in the confectionery row!
Mars Bars seem to tease me before my very eyes
As if they too know they would head straight to my thighs

Then ALL the chocolates join in and chant their evil chorus
Buy us! Eat us! Buy us! Eat us, Ness! You know you just adore us!
I'm forced to flee from the lane of all things yummy
The last thing I need is a bigger, rounder tummy

Leaving the chocolate's taunting refrain
I then reach the aisle of my ultimate shame
Yes, for me cleaning products cause genuine pain
Gumption, Ajax, mops and Pledge-Grab-Its
Remind me of all of my slovenly habits

These items will transform me into a Domestic Goddess!
Just buy us! We're brilliant! They insincerely promise.
Besides I'm aware that all you need is bleach
But how do you stand the smell, I will beg and beseech? 

Weary and bewildered, I randomly fill my trolley
A very impractical and most unwitting folly
I have had quite enough, I just can't pretend
It's time to bring this shopping thing limping to it's end

I trudge to the front in order to pay
But why is there only one cashier open today?
Once in line, the cashier is quite chatty
The endless yakking instead of packing is driving me batty

Then of course comes the inevitable price check
Isn't this all just a big pain in the neck?
Eventually my load is all finally scanned through
Then comes the terrible thing I must do

I reach for my purse and feel my hand quiver
As I hand over copious cash, a kidney, a liver
Arriving home, I unpack my all my food
And briefly relax my jittery mood

I'm pleased and relieved I've completed my feat
Then the boys arrive home and with these words they greet:

MUM, THERE'S NOTHING HERE TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you enjoy shopping?

What's in your handbag right now? 

Linking up for I Must Confess, Open Slather and Mummy Mondays. 

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I Won't Last A Day Without...

There are certain things that I would I find terribly difficult to give up. Such as:

My Family

Okay, there are certain days when I do wish I could be all by myself. Except I'd be belting out Carpenters songs instead of Celine Dion. But in reality, I couldn't live without my family. They are my suit of armour against the World. Whenever I'm feeling awkward and alien like (which is often) I can remind myself that:

a) As Dr Phil says: You wouldn't worry about what others thought of you if you knew how seldom they did, and
b) I have Micky Blue eyes and my boys who love and accept me.

The Internet

Some days I am scrolling down my Facebook feed (or typing another pointless blog post- ahem) and wondering why I bother. Still, I can't seem to hit the deactivate button. It's a sickness really. Sigh.

Sugar/Cakies/Chocolate

I tried quit sugar last year. It was the longest five minutes of my life. BOOM TISH. Seriously though, I did only last about five minutes. More recently I started the Get Healthy Programme, except I seemed to think it was the Get Diabetes programme. I have ended up delaying this for a while and am starting again soon. Hopefully I'll last for at least ten minutes this time. Shut up.

Karen Carpenter/Carpenters addiction/obsession

This fascination, which began at the tender age of 11, has only intensified with the arrival of the internet, making it even more impossible to hit that Facebook Deactivate Button, thereby quitting all of the fan groups and pages I belong to. Don't ask. I've lost count. But at least the fact that there are so many groups proves that I'm not alone in my weirdness.

Quiet Time

As much as I love my family, I do need time alone as well.  This is particularly precious due to it's rarity. I have been forced to give this up to a degree. But I'll still grab the smallest opportunity whenever I can. In fact, on our current holiday, when faced with the choice of joining my family for a stroll on the beach or staying in the apartment alone with the lap-top, I chose the latter. I justified this by reasoning that I spent plenty of time doing stuff with them every other day. And the sand. All that sand, everywhere, six months later. *Shudders*.

Cups Of Tea

I only drink one coffee a day. And about a billion or so cups of tea. I think I was weaned with a tea bag. Okay, not quite, but I did start drinking it at a young age and am absolutely addicted. The tea bag must be left in, thank you very much. I know, it's disgusting. Especially since tea bags were EVIL when I was growing up. We always had proper leaf tea in a pot. But I'm lazy, so tea bags it is now.

Books/Reading

 For me, the highlight of our family road trips involves stopping off at any available Op Shops and loading up on bargain books. This is approached with the same fervency and desperation that a heroin addict would reserve for getting their next fix. I. MUST. HAVE. BOOKS. I probably should purchase a Kindle at some point and bring myself into the 21^st Century, however I’m sure I still wouldn’t be able to resist those road trip Op Shop crawls. They're much better than Pub crawls in my opinion.

Exercise

This is one I struggle with. I can easily be lazy and give it up, but my physical and mental health suffers if I let it slide. So I force myself to do sweaty aerobics on most days. I do this for the endorphins, not to become svelte and super fit with a rippling six-pack and buns of steel. I prefer buns with cream, actually. Ahem. Which is why I'll never have the former.

Blogging/Writing

I've only recently come to the conclusion that writing is kind of similar to exercise for me.  I may not be the best, most eloquent writer, just as I am not the most agile, fit athlete, but I usually feel better when I do it. Even if it's just scribbling nonsense purely for my own amusement or boring you all with this blog, I need to do it. As I've mentioned I can be lazy, so sometimes I have to force myself, just like the exercise. When I do, I feel better. The end. So, I guess you're all stuck with me. You're welcome.

And there you have it. The stuff I would find hard to give up. Now I'm off to read books and drink tea.  Oh alright, I'll exercise instead. Hmph.

Linking up (late, as usual)  for Laugh Link and also for I Must Confess.

What would you find hard to give up?

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Holiday Happenings

Since our recent holiday was such a (tedious bore) resounding success, I thought I would take a break from the sweeping sagas of our past and bring you up to date with recent happenings.

Micky Blue Eyes had booked a motel in Denman in the Upper Hunter Valley for a few days.
"What are you coming here for," the man taking the booking had asked "for work, is it?" This wasn't exactly selling it as a tourist destination, but we made the booking anyway and then another at Maitland.

The drive there was actually quite pleasant. No puking! Hurrah!  The boys were delighted because they actually scored Macca's drive through. I decided to try the lamb burger only to discover the thing is as big as my head.

Driving on, we stopped at a park for a break and had a spirited game of 'tips.' I had to at least pretend that I was still getting some exercise.

Upon arriving, we checked in.
"What's on?" the woman at reception asked, quizzically "what did you come here for?"
"No reason," I mumbled.
"Just to get away from the rat race," Mick chuckled.
"Oh," she said, shortly, obviously deciding we were nuts.  Apparently even the locals can't imagine why anyone would want to go there. Interesting.

After a day or two the boys were (bored shitless) having a blast.
"Can we go in the pool? Pleeeeeease!!!" they begged.  Reluctantly, we agreed.  Trudging out to the deserted pool, we gingerly  dipped our toes in.  Holy shit! It was beyond freezing.  Master 8 and 11 were not to be deterred, however and defiantly splashed in out of the water for 20 mins, with their teeth chattering, before we all finally bailed.

The following day, we visited Muswellbrook. The boys were keen to see some serious shops. We pulled up outside a Vinnies Store. Yay! Cheap books! I weighed the pro's and cons of going in.

Pro: I could score cheap books.

Con: Micky would inevitably buy some woeful old shirts.

In the end, the lure of cheap books was too much to resist.

Half an hour later, I heaved my bag full of books back into the car, now heavily weighted down and we headed down the street. We drove past a shopping centre sporting signs for Big W and Woolworths.
"Yes!" the boys chorused "Let's go in there!"
They were hoping for a food court with a KFC.

Sailing up the travelator, we then traipsed in. It was eerily deserted.  There was the food court. Resplendent with a total of three shops, not one of them Macca's or KFC. The boys sulked and glowered.

Eventually Master 11 agreed to have a beef kebab, while the other two had hot chips. Happily stuffed with kebabs and hot chips, we then meandered around the shops. Inevitably, we ended up in the toy section in Big W, where I proceeded to repeat the word NO approximately every 2 seconds. I'm pretty sure I would have been able to experience such holiday (hell) bliss at home.

After about 16 million No's, we ventured to the front exit, where I agreed they could have a lolly/treat.  Fifteen minutes of whinging about the crap selection of treats ensued, while the cashier looked on with a pained expression.  Finally I paid for some Tic Tacs and a Mars Bar and left, forgetting to pay for a small packet of pins I'd stuffed in the pocket of the pram. Oops. I had unwittingly become a shop lifter.  Little did I know, this is apparently a common occurrence in Muswellbrook.

Next, we went for a walk down the main street, noting how deserted the place was. We came to club and decided to go in and have a drink.  This time there wasn't even the obligatory local drunk to turn around and stare at us like we had two heads. It was completely empty.  The boys had a jug of lemonade to add to their sugar high, while I mellowed out with two scotch and cokes, and Mick with a beer, before he headed back to get the car.

The Best Movie Ever

Back in the car, the portable DVD player started up with the familiar strains of Shrek 4 Ever After. Henceforth to be known as The Best Movie Ever. Not only does it have a Carpenters song in it, but the boys were so transfixed by it in the car, that we managed to drive past Macca's and KFC, then turn around and drive past them again, and they didn't even notice.

Next stop was Maitland. This time the room was exactly right for (paralysing claustrophobia) cosy, comforting togetherness.  Bunk bed battles began. As well as balcony paranoia, as they had put us upstairs. With no other rooms available we had no choice but to panic over Master 3's whereabouts at all times.

The highlight of Maitland was, once again, a massive Lifeline shop. More books! Yes, we are such classy people.

The Griswald's. We are classy, like them...

The final evening we settled in to watch  National Lampoon's Vaction starring Chevy Chase. Ah, those crazy Griswald's. And we're just like them! See, I told you we are classy people. Just like movie stars. Yep. 

The movie ended and we all settled in for the night. Except the boys decided to get an attack of the giggles.  Finally, in a frantic effort to make them go to sleep Mick helpfully made the fatal mistake of saying: "Quick! You better get to sleep, I thought I saw someone near the window!"  Good one. Great way to get kids to sleep. Scare the bejesus out of them!

The next day we arrived home (exhausted and drained) rested and relaxed, ready for them to go to back to school. Yippee!

Except...Master 8 was sick, then Master 3..and me.. boo hoo...

But, on the positive side, plans are already under way for another bogan trip in January. So move over Griswald's, it's now our song: Holidaaay Roooooaad....

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