The Month That Was September

Another September has disappeared. It seemed to make such a fleeting appearance. Sexy old September seduced us into spring then slunk away into clouds and wet weather. Then became all sultry again. Make up your mind, September! Oh wait. You have. And you're out of here. Just in time for October. Funny about that. 

But we were talking about September. Right. So let's get on with it.

Insert exciting September stuff HERE.  

Hmmmm, I'm sure there was SOMETHING exciting. Sort of. Kind of. OK, not really. 

But there was all the usual boring life stuff. Maybe I'll do that thing where you add 'and shit' to the end of every sentence to make it sound all cutting edge and gangsta and...erm... shit. 

Here goes:

Read some books and shit.  Did the housework and shit. Did all the usual sleeping and eating and shit. Moped and mulled, loved and lived, plodded and planned. And shit. 

Totally works! That sounds SO EXCITING! And shit. Maybe a bit more emphasis on the shit part. Oh well, I tried. 

Sexy old September did, in fact, have it's moments.

It all kicked off with Father's Day. We enjoyed a meal out at a Chinese Restaurant. Let's not talk about the resulting MSG headache  the next day. DOH. 

The month plodded on and I did so many exciting and avant garde things that I can't even remember what they are. This may sound strange to you but it happens when you're such a social butterfly.

Ok, you caught me. I'm not a social butterfly. But I'm trying. And I did leave the house each week this month! That's something. 

There was usual shopping, plus a visit to the library. Always thrilling when you're a dedicated bookworm. Look, we can't all be party animals. I stand by my love of libraries. 

In contrast with my usual ad hoc approach to blogging, this month I blogged consistently two to three times per week! You're welcome! 

September was the month I decided that I'm totally winning at life. 

I pondered on some important topics such as beginnings and life as a dog.  

I joined in for the first time with Friday Reflections and attempted some fiction. I was thrilled to be chosen for that week's featured writer! 

There was more mundane stuff when I took Mr 7 and 12 for dentist appointments. I was a super proud mumma because they handled the experience so well while I was FREAKING OUT.  Yep, I'm such a mature adult. 

However, there was some mature adulting stuff related to another doctor's appointment. It was revealed that I have high cholesterol and I started medication. I also got a referral to see a dietitian and then proceeded to eat like some sort of crazed, deprived person about to be locked up in a dungeon and starved. As you do. OK, as I do. I'm classy like that. 

Related: I did quite a bit of cooking, but then I just ate it and didn't photograph it. SO weird. 

Oh yes, I also attended a de-cluttering workshop held by my local council. More information on that and I round up of what I learnt coming soon! 

We also enjoyed a night out without the kidlets thanks to my parents. We went to an Indian restaurant with a bunch of friends. The next day Mickey Blue Eyes and I wondered what exactly it was that we  all used to talk about a decade ago. These days it seems to be about all our ailments: deteriorating eye sight, hearing, knee operations, surgeries and, of course, cancer, just to name a few. Fun times.

Related: when did we go so freaking OLD? 

Now it's school holidays! We've enjoyed some chaotic quiet days at home. Pyjama days are THE  BEST. 

However, I did manage to escape the nut house last Tuesday for a girl's day out. My friend Julie picked me up and we headed to the Central Coast for the day. We had lunch and then visited our other friend, Kim who moved up there earlier this year.

The next day THIS happened: 

A bee hive. It was in a tree in our front yard.

The Bee Movie! Right there in our front yard! There were thousands and thousands of bees swarming, buzzing and scaring the bejesus out of the boys. We had to call a professional to come and take it away. 

It's interesting because my late Pop used to be an Apiarist. Some years ago my parents also had a hive in their backyard. Look, I know there's some sort of logical explanation why these things happen. Spring. Pollen. Bees. Makes total sense. But there's a possibility that it has something to do with my Pop as well, right? 

It's been such glorious weather that we decided to end September with an impromptu picnic. So we set out on Friday, which turned out to be conveniently blustery and freezing. Oh well. We had fun anyway! 

And that concluded another sensational September! 

Now bring on the countdown to Christmas! And shit. 

Linking up for The Month That Was and IBOT

Images: Pexels; Giphy

What did you get up to in September? 

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Micro Confessions Of A Cry Baby

Welcome to another glorious Monday, the most dreaded day of the week! I have a few little things to get off my chest. The first one is this:

I hate everyone and everything in the whole World EVER. Thank you, PMS. No, FUCK you, PMS! When I say everyone, I mean everyone. Yes, even myself. ESPECIALLY myself!

Why? Because I'm a big cry baby sook who's too scared to go to the dentist. On Thursday, one of my bottom teeth broke. I have to go and have it fixed this morning. I'm dreading it. As you are reading this I'm probably trapped in that descending chair, the ominous sound of the drill reverberating through my skull. SAVE ME!

Or slap me in the face and tell me to get on with it like a grown up!

I just arrived home from wandering around the shops with Mr 11 for a few hours. While there, I spotted Michelle Bridges signing books. I felt like punching her, but have you seen the biceps on that woman? Look, I have nothing against Michelle Bridges, really. I even have one of her books and a couple of her DVDs. I just feel like punching everyone lately.

On Monday week Mickey Blue Eyes has to have another knee operation. For those of you who don't know, he injured his knee playing soccer some months ago. Surgery was required to place some sort of wire inside to get it moving again. Then came months of physiotherapy.  Now he has to have the wire taken back out. Fun times.

Additionally, school holidays commence in this same week. So I'll have Mick hobbling around and the kids home from school. AWESOME. Yes, I'm a horrific bitch from PMS Hell at the moment. Deal with it.

I'm also suffering from THIS:

Image from http://imgfave.com/view/5643666?c=64318

In fact, this seems to be the story of my life. Can you hear the weepy violin music?

Don't you just hate people who whinge and complain about stuff in their life but never seem to do anything about it? Seriously. I mean, why haven't I just COME OUT OF MY SHELL by now?

I just keep on whinging and whining about wanting alone time but I haven't actually plotted to murder my family as yet. What am I like?

WHAT a whinger. How hard could it be? I could just poison them or something. Surprisingly, my cooking has failed to do so thus far. I mean, it's the quiet ones you've gotta watch, right?

I've never quite understood that expression. Watch doing what exactly? Reading a book? Scrolling through Facebook. Sure, watch me if you want, but it won't be very interesting. Unlike this blog, which is RIVETING. Plus, it might a little creepy. Watching quiet people, that is. We're just being our silent little selves, minding our own business, not saying a word; while you're rudely staring. Who's the weird one now?? Just saying.

Interestingly, when I Googled Little Miss Quiet I discovered that she doesn't exist. There is only a MR Quiet. Meanwhile, there is a Little Miss Chatterbox, Little Miss Sunshine, Little Miss Fun and a Little Miss Giggles.Where is Little Miss Premenstrual And Moody?

A funny thing happened yesterday when I was at my Tafe course. I realised I was stuck to the chair. It transpired that I had chewing gum stuck on my pants. Thankfully it was the same colour as my pants. You have to be grateful for the little things.

I'm just trying to think of as much crap as possible to distract myself from thinking about my visit to the dentist. It sort of works a bit.

My mind will go:

Butterflies. Rainbows. DENTIST!

Cake. Carpenters. DENTIST!

Puppies. Chocolate. DENTIST!

Books. Unicorns. DENTIST!

Flowers. Sunshine. DENTIST! DENTIST! DENTIST!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That's the sound of my Anxiety Monsters laughing their evil, mocking laugh at me.

The stupid thing is, I was never scared of the dentist when I was younger. I had several teeth yanked out before I had braces. I had it done awake in the chair without sedation. What happened to that girl? Why I am a such a head case in middle age? Furthermore, why am boring you with my whining? Because I can, I presume. So ner.

I've decided that I'm definitely coming back as a man. I'm over all the moods and pain. I simply can't wait for the cluster fuck that will be menopause. Coming soon to a psychotic bitch near you.

In other news, I spent the afternoon going over Mr 13's homework and assessments with him earlier. Amongst all his paperwork he had a sheet listing medieval crimes and punishment. Punishments included: The Rack,Water Torture, Rat Torture, Foot Roasting and Burning at the Stake.

These seemed like quite reasonable punishments to me in my pleasantly premenstrual state.

Oh well, that's my cheery little existence at the moment. Upon reflection I'm thinking that I have such an intense dental phobia that I'm considering exposure therapy instead of just turning up for the appointment. But they might think that I'm some crazy person who likes lurking around the dentist waiting rooms while attempting to get used to the idea and the smell and the noise...... Gulps. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Don't you just love my rambling posts? What else can I confess?

Oh, I've lost around 8 kilos so far on Weight Witches.Which isn't much really, considering I've been going for several months. However, I decided at the beginning that I'm happy with losing a small amount of weight and keeping it off long term, rather than a huge amount of weight which I just end up putting back on, plus extra. Because, let's face it, I'll never be a skinny bitch. I love cake too much.

And with that, I can't think of a suitable ending to this clunky post, so I'll just back out of blogger awkwardly the same way I back out of rooms awkwardly. I'm awkward as fuck in person, so I may as well be authentic online as well. Cheers.
 

Linking up for I Must Confess.



How is Monday treating you?


PS: After getting all worked up in anticipation for my visit to the dentist they have rescheduled my appointment for Wednesday. I'm not sure if this is a reprieve or a further 48 hours of fretting. Sigh.

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I Must Confess: My Fears & Phobias

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths today for I Must Confess. Today's topic: My Fears and Phobias.

Truthfully we could be here for a while. I have so many phobias and fears. Deep breathe. Here goes.

BLOOD

I am squeamish. Watching RPA or any of those medical type shows where they show surgery is my idea of hell.  I actually had to be cut open when I had Mr4, while awake, but numb from the waist down. I have NO IDEA how I survived the mere thought of it. Or the two previous natural births I went through as well. Basically it was only down to the fact that I simply had no choice at that point.

COCKROACHES

I despise them. And, tragically. fear them. I'm usually so quiet and placid, but any sighting of these vile creatures will have me omitting the most blood-curdling, piercing scream. A scream that would wake the dead. Micky Blue Eyes has often commented that I could be hired for horror movies with that afore mentioned scream.

DENTISTS

The smell. The chair. You sit down. It slowly whirs backwards. The blood rushes to your head. You are TRAPPED. There is no escape from all those sharp metal objects probing inside your mouth. Meanwhile, you are expected to keep your jaw gaping, cavernously open, therefore making any possibility of taking deep, slow, calming breaths, absolutely impossible. Then, as you start to hyperventilate, that ominous hissing noise of the air hose assaults your senses..EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!

FLUORESCENT LIGHTS

And anything involving bright shinyness, which I now realise is connected to sensory issues with having Aspergers. This doesn't make it any less scary though.  In particular,when entering Target, I break into a cold sweat. Fluorescent lights bouncing off the white, shiny floors. Their theme song warbling away about being happy is seriously not the case for me. I am not happy at all. Naturally, being a bonafide bogan, Target is as upmarket as I get when shopping, so I am forced to go in there on a regular basis. Hold me.

HEIGHTS

As a girl I was always terrified of stepping onto the escalator at the shops. This fear still hasn't quite left me. It's a heights thing. The further up I am, the more I fear it. Just as well a trip up to the top off the Eiffel Tower is never likely to be on this bogan's horizon.  Ditto, a Harbour Bridge climb is never going to be on my bucket list. It's pretty high up on my fuck it list, as the joke goes, however.


NEEDLES

There was a time when we were having fertility treatments which involved me being jabbed on a daily basis, so you'd think I'd have completely discarded this nasty little phobia. Wrong. The thought of having to have a routine blood test (eeek, two of my phobias at once - blood and needles) has me hiding in a corner in a foetal position.


PUBLIC SPEAKING

Or, you know, any speaking really. I am not a woman of many words.  (Well, except perhaps on this blog, where I seem to have no problem with boring the pants off anyone who doesn't click away. You're welcome.) My aversion to the old verbal diarrhoea becomes even more pronounced when it involves a large group.  Luckily, I have managed to organise my life so that the odds of this happening are largely nil. To do this I simply have no career and minimal human contact. Seems to work.


WATER

As in, putting my whole face underneath it. And no, I can't swim, thanks for asking.  This is why I'm also not fond of boats as they usually are on top of said water.

I'm sure I could think of more fears where these came from, but I'm too jittery presently. I keep having this recurring vision of being in a dentists chair, on a cliff top with water gushing below and cockroaches crawling on me while the dentist tries to give me a needle and...holy shit...I just wrote a horror story! *faints*

What are your fears and phobias? Have you ever managed to overcome any? 

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