I Have Never...

It's often quite disconcerting to realise that I've reached the mature age of 45 without doing a great deal things you might have expected a 45 year old woman to do. 

The list is long and comprehensive. I have never:

Had a career.

Been on a plane by myself (without my parents or Mick). 

Gotten a tattoo.

Taken illegal drugs.

Or even smoked a cigarette.

Stood naked in the rain.

Skinny-dipped.

Been thoroughly grown up and competent.

Had an affair (Mickey Blue Eyes will be not at all surprised shocked and relieved here). 

Broken someone's heart. 

Been a total bitch. 

Seen snow.

Been surfing.

Learnt to swim (shut up). 

Liked sport. This makes me somewhat of a freakish Australian. 
Bungee jumped.
Parachuted.
Ridden a motor-cycle.
Played an instrument.
Been able to raise my voice much above a whisper.
I've never been to me, just like Charlene, (and I've never exactly understood what that song meant). 
Liked rides or amusement parks. 
Worn a bikini. 

The thing is, though, for the most part I have never really wanted to do these things. I've never had a sort of bucket list of adrenaline packed adventures that I've wanted to tick off in my life-time. 

I've pondered over why I'm such a drifter/daydreamer with a lack of ambition or wanderlust and the only possible explanation I can come up with is that if you're like me: shy, quiet, introverted, Aspie and anxious then you spend a lot of time just wishing to be 'normal' in inverted commas (because who decides what normal is) and mediocre. This probably doesn't make one little bit of sense to anyone but me, but when the simplest of things like talking or making eye-contact are a huge challenge, you pretty much take yourself out of the running for things like high-powered careers or sole travelling. 

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned people who like amusement park rides or bungee-jumping are the crazy ones. Good luck with that. I'm a two feet firmly on the ground kind of girl. 

I've never understood the attraction to smoking. I find the smell alone to be repulsive and skin-crawling. Again - this must be an ASD sensory thing. Therefore, I've never had any curiosity to try it, not even once. I can't really tolerate alcohol well. Any more than two drinks maximum and my head will be spinning. And I really detest that out of control, queasy, hungover feeling, so I've never been tempted to try any drugs. Not that I've ever been offered any. It's weirdly ironic to think I've grown up in good old Mt. Druitt and am utterly clueless about drugs. Food is my drug. 

As Dolly Parton said: I'll take a sandwich and a shake over a jug and a joint any day. You'll have to imagine the Dolly twang. 


When it comes to swimming and any other water related activities, I guess I have a water phobia. I dislike putting my head under water. Anyway, my 77 year old father still doesn't know how to swim, so I'm prepared to carry on that tradition. And I'll never need that bikini. I'm naturally fair-skinned, so it doesn't make sense to wear one, anyway. Instead I need 20 litres of 50 plus sunscreen and head to toe clothing and I'll still get burnt.  HMPH. 

As far as I know I've never broken anyone's heart. In reality, there could be dozens of men (and women who wish I'd turn) weeping and devastated that I'm not available. Yeah, RIGHT. Snorts. 

And yes, I'm too much of a goody goody Pollyanna type to be a bitch. It would be handy to be able to think of cutting remarks in reply to certain people. Sometimes I manage it, but only at 4am after the event. Sigh. 

Image credit: https://www.facebook.com/purpleclvr/?fref=ts
I AM sick of bullshit! Why can't I be a bitch??!!

Speaking of 'I have never...' I have never quite known how to bring my rambling posts to a seamless conclusion, so why start now? 

The end. 

Yes, that was abrupt. 

Awkward. 

How would you finish the phrase 'I have never...'?

Linking up for I Must Confess, Open Slather and 
Mummy Mondays. 

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I Must Confess: My Fears & Phobias

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths today for I Must Confess. Today's topic: My Fears and Phobias.

Truthfully we could be here for a while. I have so many phobias and fears. Deep breathe. Here goes.

BLOOD

I am squeamish. Watching RPA or any of those medical type shows where they show surgery is my idea of hell.  I actually had to be cut open when I had Mr4, while awake, but numb from the waist down. I have NO IDEA how I survived the mere thought of it. Or the two previous natural births I went through as well. Basically it was only down to the fact that I simply had no choice at that point.

COCKROACHES

I despise them. And, tragically. fear them. I'm usually so quiet and placid, but any sighting of these vile creatures will have me omitting the most blood-curdling, piercing scream. A scream that would wake the dead. Micky Blue Eyes has often commented that I could be hired for horror movies with that afore mentioned scream.

DENTISTS

The smell. The chair. You sit down. It slowly whirs backwards. The blood rushes to your head. You are TRAPPED. There is no escape from all those sharp metal objects probing inside your mouth. Meanwhile, you are expected to keep your jaw gaping, cavernously open, therefore making any possibility of taking deep, slow, calming breaths, absolutely impossible. Then, as you start to hyperventilate, that ominous hissing noise of the air hose assaults your senses..EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!

FLUORESCENT LIGHTS

And anything involving bright shinyness, which I now realise is connected to sensory issues with having Aspergers. This doesn't make it any less scary though.  In particular,when entering Target, I break into a cold sweat. Fluorescent lights bouncing off the white, shiny floors. Their theme song warbling away about being happy is seriously not the case for me. I am not happy at all. Naturally, being a bonafide bogan, Target is as upmarket as I get when shopping, so I am forced to go in there on a regular basis. Hold me.

HEIGHTS

As a girl I was always terrified of stepping onto the escalator at the shops. This fear still hasn't quite left me. It's a heights thing. The further up I am, the more I fear it. Just as well a trip up to the top off the Eiffel Tower is never likely to be on this bogan's horizon.  Ditto, a Harbour Bridge climb is never going to be on my bucket list. It's pretty high up on my fuck it list, as the joke goes, however.


NEEDLES

There was a time when we were having fertility treatments which involved me being jabbed on a daily basis, so you'd think I'd have completely discarded this nasty little phobia. Wrong. The thought of having to have a routine blood test (eeek, two of my phobias at once - blood and needles) has me hiding in a corner in a foetal position.


PUBLIC SPEAKING

Or, you know, any speaking really. I am not a woman of many words.  (Well, except perhaps on this blog, where I seem to have no problem with boring the pants off anyone who doesn't click away. You're welcome.) My aversion to the old verbal diarrhoea becomes even more pronounced when it involves a large group.  Luckily, I have managed to organise my life so that the odds of this happening are largely nil. To do this I simply have no career and minimal human contact. Seems to work.


WATER

As in, putting my whole face underneath it. And no, I can't swim, thanks for asking.  This is why I'm also not fond of boats as they usually are on top of said water.

I'm sure I could think of more fears where these came from, but I'm too jittery presently. I keep having this recurring vision of being in a dentists chair, on a cliff top with water gushing below and cockroaches crawling on me while the dentist tries to give me a needle and...holy shit...I just wrote a horror story! *faints*

What are your fears and phobias? Have you ever managed to overcome any? 

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