Book Fetish, Miracle Baby Turns 18 & Other Bits & Pieces

Good evening to you! Or morning, or afternoon, depending upon where and when you're reading this. Figured I'd check in to my lonely little blog. Because what else am I gonna do on a Saturday night? Go out. Meet people. Socialise, you say? Bahahahahahahaha.  NO.

In my defence, my Friday night was COMPLETELY WILD AND CRAZY. It was spent on the couch buried in blankets, reserving library books online. This was despite the fact that I already currently have 17 items on loan. See? Crazy shit, huh? Not so wild as it turns out. But definitely crazy. So there's that. Shut up.

I'm with you, Steve!

In other news, I'm one week in to a four week break from TAFE. Semester One, DONE! Semester Two begins July 23. Eventually I will officially be some sort of Library Technician-y thing, just like I was in the olden days (early 1990s - totally prehistoric), but, you know, different. Cause apparently they do more than just put books on shelves and things these days. Probably just as well. I may have a book fetish. See above. Ahem.

Anyway, what else can I tell you? Oh yeah, I'm still going gangbusters in my volunteer role at Vinnies. I have no idea whatsoever what 'gangbusters' really means but it sounds impressive, so let's just go with it.

Yesterday, all the phones and computers were down due to a power outage the day before. This meant we couldn't take any calls (duh!) so the other admin lady and I read magazines and copied recipes we'll likely never cook. Until the mobile phone they'd diverted calls to actually worked and then I had to answer it and speak to a person in need. Rude.

No seriously, I'd rather have stuff to DO. There was a bunch of groceries delivered and I helped unpack them. Then there was a bunch of toiletries donated from a church. Some of the hand wash bottles were not screwed tightly and had leaked. The overwhelming intermingling and clashing scents gave me a throbbing headache. Sometimes I forget I'm autistic and have sensory issues. Luckily I had some extra strength paracetamol in my bag and managed to nip it in the bud quickly.

When I finished for the day there was a bunch of food trucks setting up for the night markets, but I resisted all the churros and other treats on offer because clearly I'm broke a health fanatic. I wandered into Westpoint to get a few groceries instead.

In keeping with the health fanatic thing, a bbq chook and hot  chips were bought for dinner. In keeping with my fetish, Mickey Blue Eyes picked me up in the library car park... Just kidding! I mean yes, he did pick me up there, but not because of my fetish.  It's actually easier to do this because the parking at Westpoint is farked due to ongoing work fixing structural damage. Supposedly it's going to be resolved soon-ish. Fingers crossed.

In approximately 11 days I will officially be the mother of an adult son. Mr 17 turns 18! He was my so-called 'miracle baby' 18 years ago. Long story. Read about it here and here if you're interested.

He decided he didn't want a party but he wants to go to a buffet and feast on all the things. As you can see, I've totally instilled the health fanatic thing into him. But it's a wise decision. He's soooooo skinny. He may as well enjoy the illusion of being able to eat until you burst and remain svelte while it lasts. I believe I too was skinny once, a very long time ago. Well, perhaps not quite THAT skinny, but reasonably so. Sigh.

On that note, I know I need to do something about my weight but I'm so stuck for a number of reasons:

1. I like cake.
2. I've tried various things over the years: groups at the women's health centre, the Get Healthy service thing-y where some one rings you to discuss being healthier, a dietitian, exercise addiction (worked when I was at least 15 - 20 years younger and not menopausal), and, of course, good old Weight Witches (worked really well...until it didn't...)
3. I like chocolate.
4. Each time I did Weight Witches I ended up fatter in the long term. See above. So clearly the whole 'diets make you fat' theory definitely...erm...holds some weight for me...  (Terrible puns FTW!)
5. I like FOOD.

I generally don't talk about this shit because there's nothing more boring and super annoying than someone complaining they're fat then shoveling cake in their gob. Plus I see people in my volunteer role who don't even have basic food and I feel pathetic cause I'm basically whingeing that I have too much food. Seriously?! So I'll shut up about it now. 😥


At least I know the Mother Of The Decade Award is still mine. Managed to forget Mr 10 had an excursion on Wednesday. Consequently he missed the bus and stayed home. He was thrilled. Winning!

And now for the breathless anticipation that arrives at this time of the year. Nope, I'm not one of those lunatics who starts counting how many days until Christmas mid year. You know who you are. STOP IT.

My breathless anticipation revolves around having my tits crushed. It's time. Soon. I'm reasonably confident that all is good, but still. The FEAR. It'll be four years this year. So yeah, keep everything crossed for me!

I'm sure I could go rambling on forever but I better not. It's weird how I think I have nothing to report but then I get started and waffle on about everything and nothing. You're welcome.

OK, I better tackle those library books!  So I can borrow MORE. Look, it's a harmless fetish. You're just jealous! Sniff.

Over and out!

What's happening in your world? Do you have a (G-rated!) fetish?

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An Idyllic Day

Long ago and far away in the fun and fabulous days of our former bogan existence, life was full of exciting bogan adventures. These adventures often included the wonderful, idyllic days we referred to as our 'Family Fun Days'. This was using the word fun in the same sense of the expression 'Fun Run'. Oxymoron, anyone?  When I remember those grand and glorious days my eyes become misty and I am filled with bittersweet nostalgia.

I recall waking on a Sunday morning feeling zombie like and ancient refreshed and energetic.Micky Blue Eyes hands me a lovely, frothy vegetable juice fresh from the juicer. With beaming eyes he  then utters the fateful words:

"Why don't we go out today for a Family Fun Day?"

Evidently making me drink those juices isn't quite enough torture. The boys greet this suggestion with all the enthusiasm they usually reserve for doing their homework and cleaning their rooms.

On my ideal day I wouldn't wake up to this

"NOOOOO!!" Mr 11 is wild eyed and frantic, while Mr 9 can barely manage a low, pitiful moaning of dull despair. There was no escape. Once Micky Blue Eyes made up his mind we were doomed.

Previous outings had involved driving somewhere in the car. Now, however, we had discovered the "Family Fun Day'.This meant we could purchase a train ticket from Boganville into the city for a family and it would only cost around ten bucks, Mick decided this was a bargain that these non cashed up bogans couldn't miss.

Reluctantly, I showered, dressed and we bundled into the car to drive to the train station.

"Have you got the pram and everything?" I asked as Mick reversed the car from the driveway. He assured me we did and we set off. We parked a block or so away from the station and walked there, avoiding eye contact with the usual unsavoury types loitering around the station negotiating drug deals or whatever it is that they do there. Not sure.  Boganville. So classy. Sigh.

Upon boarding the train, I was assigned to 'stroller sit' while Mick ventured down into the carriage to attempt the impossible. Make three boys with raging testosterone, including a hyperactive three year old sit still and be quiet for the duration of the journey. Good luck with that, I thought as I happily assumed position next to the stroller which was laden with all the essentials for a family day out.

Several minutes passed as the train hurtled along the tracks. At the next stop two young dudes boarded the train and I eavesdropped on their interesting conversation about weed, until they got off a few stops later, possibly to score more weed. Not sure.

At this point, Mick and the boys clambered back up from below. Mr 8 needed to blow his nose. I scrambled in my handbag for a tissue, but came out empty-handed.

"Oh, can't I just wipe it on my shirt?" he wailed.

"NO!" we both shouted, simultaneously. Thankfully, he refrained. We had to resort to using a piece of paper. So elegant.

It was at this point that we realised we had forgotten Mr 3's bag with the change of clothes. Just in case. We could only cross our fingers and pray that he didn't present us with what is known in the Bogan Box as a Mt. Tomah Moment. This refers to the time we went to the Mt. Tomah Botanic Gardens for a picnic and Mr 11 who was then Mr 2 decided to poop his entire body weight, and we had forgotten the nappy bag. Charming.

We finally disembarked at Central station, upon discovering that the train lines were closed, so we would have to walk all the way to the Botanic Gardens. Immediately, the hustle and bustle of the city was completely over-whelming for this Aspergirl. I pondered with some wonder, how I had ever managed to work there a decade ago.

Plodding on , we schlepped up George Street. The boys spotted a Maccas in the distance like a mirage. However there seemed to be even more ratbags and feral bogans loitering around George Street than there were back in our beloved Boganville, so we pressed on until we found another Maccas where the boys filled up on nuggets and fries. After this, we strolled through a rather snazzy and upmarket shopping mall, where I proceeded to go into full on Aspie sensory overload from all the bright shinyness.  Fluorescent lights bouncing off shiny floors, garish Christmas decorations added to the overall effect which resulted in me feeling nauseous.

Feeling sick and light-headed we trudged back past Gucci and Prada.I pondered the fact that even if I had the bucks to shop there, I couldn't stand all the lights and brightness. But I guess that's what online shopping if for, should I ever win lotto.  Eventually we reached the Botanic Gardens where we sat and watched the boats sailing by on the harbour, for a blissful half hour. Mr 3 chased birds around. The other two boys whined that they were bored, shattering our short lived bliss. So it was on to Chinatown, where we had some Chinese food.

While there, Mr 8 exclaimed loudly "Why are there so many Chinese people here? It's FREAKING ME OUT!!"

Awkward. Ahem.

We purchased some fresh fruit at the markets before heading back to Boganville, relieved that yet another Family 'Fun' Day had finally finished.  Just like so many previous ones, which included:

• Visiting Cronulla Beach. It pissed rain.
• Visiting the Blue Mountains. Froze our bogan bums off.
• Visiting the Central Coast by train. We spent most of the day on the train, where we also had to change a 'Mt. Tomah' style nappy while in a cramped country train vestibule trying to hang on for dear life. So. Much. Fun.

I must confess those Family Fun Days were not exactly my ideal day out. We did manage to come close to something resembling my ideal day out recently. During the school holidays we decided to drive to Megalong Valley. On the way up the mountain we stopped at a cake shop. CAKIES! Then at a Vinnies. BOOKS! A day that involves books, cakies and minimum stress is my ideal day out. After this we went for a bush walk, then went to the Megalong Valley Tea Rooms where we had scones with jam and cream. More cakies! Sort of. Not really. But still good. It was a relaxing day out for a change. Still, I can't help feeling like my ideal day at the moment wouldn't really be a day out at all, but a day in.

Alone. Just me, my books, cakies and Carpenters.

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

 

What is your ideal day out? Or would you prefer a day in, like me?

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Holiday Happenings

Since our recent holiday was such a (tedious bore) resounding success, I thought I would take a break from the sweeping sagas of our past and bring you up to date with recent happenings.

Micky Blue Eyes had booked a motel in Denman in the Upper Hunter Valley for a few days.
"What are you coming here for," the man taking the booking had asked "for work, is it?" This wasn't exactly selling it as a tourist destination, but we made the booking anyway and then another at Maitland.

The drive there was actually quite pleasant. No puking! Hurrah!  The boys were delighted because they actually scored Macca's drive through. I decided to try the lamb burger only to discover the thing is as big as my head.

Driving on, we stopped at a park for a break and had a spirited game of 'tips.' I had to at least pretend that I was still getting some exercise.

Upon arriving, we checked in.
"What's on?" the woman at reception asked, quizzically "what did you come here for?"
"No reason," I mumbled.
"Just to get away from the rat race," Mick chuckled.
"Oh," she said, shortly, obviously deciding we were nuts.  Apparently even the locals can't imagine why anyone would want to go there. Interesting.

After a day or two the boys were (bored shitless) having a blast.
"Can we go in the pool? Pleeeeeease!!!" they begged.  Reluctantly, we agreed.  Trudging out to the deserted pool, we gingerly  dipped our toes in.  Holy shit! It was beyond freezing.  Master 8 and 11 were not to be deterred, however and defiantly splashed in out of the water for 20 mins, with their teeth chattering, before we all finally bailed.

The following day, we visited Muswellbrook. The boys were keen to see some serious shops. We pulled up outside a Vinnies Store. Yay! Cheap books! I weighed the pro's and cons of going in.

Pro: I could score cheap books.

Con: Micky would inevitably buy some woeful old shirts.

In the end, the lure of cheap books was too much to resist.

Half an hour later, I heaved my bag full of books back into the car, now heavily weighted down and we headed down the street. We drove past a shopping centre sporting signs for Big W and Woolworths.
"Yes!" the boys chorused "Let's go in there!"
They were hoping for a food court with a KFC.

Sailing up the travelator, we then traipsed in. It was eerily deserted.  There was the food court. Resplendent with a total of three shops, not one of them Macca's or KFC. The boys sulked and glowered.

Eventually Master 11 agreed to have a beef kebab, while the other two had hot chips. Happily stuffed with kebabs and hot chips, we then meandered around the shops. Inevitably, we ended up in the toy section in Big W, where I proceeded to repeat the word NO approximately every 2 seconds. I'm pretty sure I would have been able to experience such holiday (hell) bliss at home.

After about 16 million No's, we ventured to the front exit, where I agreed they could have a lolly/treat.  Fifteen minutes of whinging about the crap selection of treats ensued, while the cashier looked on with a pained expression.  Finally I paid for some Tic Tacs and a Mars Bar and left, forgetting to pay for a small packet of pins I'd stuffed in the pocket of the pram. Oops. I had unwittingly become a shop lifter.  Little did I know, this is apparently a common occurrence in Muswellbrook.

Next, we went for a walk down the main street, noting how deserted the place was. We came to club and decided to go in and have a drink.  This time there wasn't even the obligatory local drunk to turn around and stare at us like we had two heads. It was completely empty.  The boys had a jug of lemonade to add to their sugar high, while I mellowed out with two scotch and cokes, and Mick with a beer, before he headed back to get the car.

The Best Movie Ever

Back in the car, the portable DVD player started up with the familiar strains of Shrek 4 Ever After. Henceforth to be known as The Best Movie Ever. Not only does it have a Carpenters song in it, but the boys were so transfixed by it in the car, that we managed to drive past Macca's and KFC, then turn around and drive past them again, and they didn't even notice.

Next stop was Maitland. This time the room was exactly right for (paralysing claustrophobia) cosy, comforting togetherness.  Bunk bed battles began. As well as balcony paranoia, as they had put us upstairs. With no other rooms available we had no choice but to panic over Master 3's whereabouts at all times.

The highlight of Maitland was, once again, a massive Lifeline shop. More books! Yes, we are such classy people.

The Griswald's. We are classy, like them...

The final evening we settled in to watch  National Lampoon's Vaction starring Chevy Chase. Ah, those crazy Griswald's. And we're just like them! See, I told you we are classy people. Just like movie stars. Yep. 

The movie ended and we all settled in for the night. Except the boys decided to get an attack of the giggles.  Finally, in a frantic effort to make them go to sleep Mick helpfully made the fatal mistake of saying: "Quick! You better get to sleep, I thought I saw someone near the window!"  Good one. Great way to get kids to sleep. Scare the bejesus out of them!

The next day we arrived home (exhausted and drained) rested and relaxed, ready for them to go to back to school. Yippee!

Except...Master 8 was sick, then Master 3..and me.. boo hoo...

But, on the positive side, plans are already under way for another bogan trip in January. So move over Griswald's, it's now our song: Holidaaay Roooooaad....

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