Taking Stock: September 2018 Edition #LifeThisWeek

Making: Beds. I've gotten into a habit of doing so most mornings. Gives me the illusion that I've got my shit together.

Cooking: I made a shepherd's pie recently that was a hit. What else? Hmmm. Toast. Does that count?

Drinking: Green smoothies made with zucchini, kale, banana, coconut milk and a dash of honey. Gives me the illusion that I'm healthy.

Reading: Currently reading Three Little Lies by Laura Marshall. I'm enjoying it even though it kinda jumps all over the place with the characters and years. Prior to this I read an old Paullina Simons called Road To Paradise. It dragged a bit for me in the middle but I liked it in the end.

Also read a non-fiction title: You're Not That Great. It wasn't that great.

Trawling: I wonder why I leave this one in here. I never trawl.

Wanting: A holiday would be lovely.

Looking: For a part-time job. Wait. What? Yes, you read right. I'm doing it.  Trying, anyway.

Deciding: On some sort of further studies to go along with the job stuff. Library related stuff, because that's what I've done before and it suits me.

Wishing: Someone would just jump over the fence and offer me a job. No, I'm not drunk. That's a scenario I once read in a novel. Can't remember the name of the novel, but the heroine decided she wanted a job and BOOM her neighbour became her bestie and offered her a job. Totally happens in real life, right? Any librarians out there who wanna be my bestie?

Enjoying: A bit of RAIN. You know, that wet stuff that comes from the sky? That.

Waiting: For a lottery win. Will be waiting a LONG time. We never take a ticket.

Liking: The roast dinner we had was pretty good.

Wondering: Why washing up can't do itself.

Loving: My family. I think I'm gonna keep 'em.

Listening: To not much of anything. It's quite peaceful at the moment. As soon as I type this bedlam will ensue in ten, nine, eight, seven...

Considering: Shoving the dishes outside in the rain and hoping for the best.

Buying: Groceries. Just for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

Watching: I watched an old movie from the 70s yesterday. The Last Married Couple In America starring George Segal and Natalie Wood. It was really bad. The hairstyles and some of the so-called humour from those times haven't worn well.

Marvelling: At many things.

Hoping: I won't blink my eyes and it's Christmas. *tries not to blink* 😵

Needing: A washing up fairy. Or, you know, one of those new-fangled contraption things people have that wash dishes? Whatever they are. I wouldn't know.

Questioning: How September came around so quickly. *blinks* OOPS. Merry Christmas everyone!

Smelling: There is a bit of a rainy day aroma with a hint of Krispy Kreme donuts happening here. We smashed a dozen of those babies between the five of us. We picked them up on the way back from my brother's 50th birthday lunch the other day. We'd already had a meal, plus cake, but that didn't stop us, because we're living our best lives obviously.

Wearing: Navy track suit pants, a purple jumper and green cardigan. Classy.

Noticing: My feet are cold. I really should put on ugs on to complete my alluring look.

Knowing: The dishes will NOT do themselves. A washing up fairy will NOT arrive. So rude.

Thinking: I need to exercise. And do dishes. Sigh.

Admiring: Mr 9, until he tells me it's creepy that I stare at him.

Getting: Tired. Until I actually get into bed... BOOM! I'll be wide awake.

Opening: Books. Always. 

Closing: Dunno.

Feeling: Pretty groovy right now. Also, kinda lazy. Groovy lazy is totally a thing. It's like the regular kind of lazy but you have shades on. Or something.

Celebrating: Three years cancer free!!!! Had my girls crushed last week and the results were GOOD. WHEEEEE!

Pretending: To exercise by typing the word exercise. Exercise exercise exercise. Done.

Embracing: Uncertainty. Hmmm. Think I said that last time but it still applies.

End Of Stock Take. 

Later dudes!

Linking up for Life This Week and Open Slather.

What are you celebrating in September?

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How I Cope With Stress And Anxiety

Good evening, groovers and shakers! I trust you are feeling fabulous and full of joie de vivre. If you're not that's okay too. I'm here to help.

Life can tend to have a way of cruising along in a satisfactory manner for a period. Until it doesn't. Instead it's suddenly sucky and stressful. Fortunately I've managed to develop a few coping strategies to assist in these testing times.

So I figured I may as well as share them in the ubiquitous random list form. If nothing else, writing lists gives me the illusion that I've got my shit together.

So here goes:

HOW I COPE WITH STRESS & ANXIETY: A RANDOM LIST

• Exercise. Sadly I dislike gyms and running. On the other hand I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't mind working out at home alone. YouTube videos and a bit of strength training are my go to choice. It hasn't exactly translated to peak physical fitness, but that's not really my goal here. It's my mental state I wish to improve. Worrying about what I look like in active wear won't help me at all. So I don't. That's just me. Next...
•  Calming activities such as word fill-ins or word searches and colouring in. Preferably with pretty glitter pens. Nice. 
• Writing everything down. Either like this in list form, or spewing forth a hideous word vomit of everything that is bothering me. Privately. No one needs to read that. 
• Having a schedule or routine. This takes a certain element of decision making away. Instead of thinking about what I need to do, how to prioritise things and consequently becoming more stressed and overwhelmed, I know what's next. Admittedly sticking with routines is still a bit of a work in progress for me, but a flexible routine does help. 
• Down time. It's important for me to schedule down time in my flexible routine. 
• Green smoothies. Typically I would just eat all the cakies, but in the past week I began having a green smoothie everyday. Of course I still have a sneaky cupcake here and there when my mum is kind enough to bring some. It's about balance, people.
• Therapy. I see a good psychologist on a regular basis. It's hard, but really helps in the long run. 
• Waiting it out. Sucky feelings pass just like a thunderstorm. And sometimes there's even a rainbow at the end. I know. First I'm mentioning green smoothies now I'm getting all inspirational on you. I don't even know who I am anymore...
• Recognising the difference between good stress and bad stress. This is something my psychologist reminded me of recently. Some stress is necessary in life, and even beneficial. I'm currently trying to make some changes and it's challenging but will be worth it in the end. So it's good stress. I think. I hope. 😲
• Recognising that avoidance of sucky feelings will make it worse in the long term. Unfortunately I have had to learn this lesson the incredibly hard way, then learn it again the even harder way. And again, the incredibly, extremely hardest of hard ways. Sigh.
• Taking things one day at a time.
• Using mindfulness and techniques from ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy), such as diffusion, thanking your mind etc.
• Naming my anxiety Agnes and giving her the middle finger when applicable. She deserves it. The b$!&h. 
• Listening to music.
• Reading. I really don't know why I didn't put this at the top of my list. Reading is THE BEST. 
• Practising self-compassion. Another work in progress. But I'm getting better at this. 

End of random list.

And if all of the above fails an occasional bottle of wine and a funnel can be helpful too. Hmmmm. Shame I don't have either! HMPH. 

Linking up for Friday Reflections, Life This Week and Open Slather.

How do you cope with stress and anxiety?

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My Hairstyle History #LifeThisWeek

Brace yourselves for a trip into the worst of 80s and 90s hair. I've shared my hairstyle history before, particularly my infamous mullet-perm. But it's so hilarious it's worth sharing again.

This is one instance when I should definitely let the pictures tell the story. They're very old photos that I scanned and cropped any old how, so apologies in advance.

Long Hair

When I was cute circa 1981 

Perms

Infamous mullet-perm. I was about 16
and it was 1987. That's my only excuse.
Shut up. 

At my 21st. Bad perm. Bad earrings.
Bad make-up. But I did have a good
figure in those days. Sigh.

Poodle perm and weird expression.
Perhaps I was busting for the loo?




Short Hair

This was around my 30th birthday circa 2001.
I was up the duff but didn't know.

The lobster and wine look pretty good.
Not sure about the bowl hair cut.

Bobs

I looked pretty good then.
Is that me? 

Helmet hair. Noice. And my awesome parents.

Bad selfie. The hair was good because
I'd been to the hairdresser.

Long Hair Again 

Ten years ago. I was pregnant
with Mr 9. 

Who cares about my hair LOOK
HOW CUTE MY BOYS WERE 😍

No Hair

2015/16 when I had tit cancer became
a hare krishna. Fortunately I have
a lovely shaped head. So I'm told.

Chemo Curls

Move over Kath Day-Knight

This was the day I went to a club
buffet for a seniors price. Winning!

Silver Fox

Present day.
I let my hair go grey and I DGAF. 

And that completes the cringe.

Linking up for Life This Week and Open Slather.

Which hairstyles have you had?

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An Experiment

Good morning, dear people! Or afternoon. Or evening. Depending upon where you are in the world. Of course there's less than zero chance that folks all over the globe are reading this, but it doesn't hurt to remain delusional optimistic.

Anyway, I trust you are feeling fabulous wherever you may be. I just thought I'd check in here for the heck of it, despite having nothing monumental to report, and bugger all snaps to share. That's me for you. Always generous, and thinking of others.

Besides, according to some dude called Ralph Waldo Emerson "All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." Look, it's on the internet so it must be legit.

Therefore, I may as well treat this here blog post as an experiment. I'm sure I can pull something out of nothing. That's pretty much what I always do anyway.

But today I am taking it to a whole new level. Because I have decided. Why must we always DO ALL THE THINGS? Sure, it feels good to smash that to-do list, but what if we mixed it up for a change?

Did something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Something wild and crazy. Cutting edge and avant-garde. Something so daring and innovative it's never been heard of before and likely never will again?

You with me? Good. Let's try this groundbreaking experiment: instead of the ever present, ubiquitous to-do list, let's be bold and write a to DON'T list instead!!!

Yeah, okay, you got me. I did talk the idea up a bit more than is strictly necessary. A dash of melodrama never hurt anyone. Unless it's like actual melodrama. That's stressful. Screw that.

No, I mean pretendy type melodrama. Such fun! As Miranda would say. It works even better if you imagine rousing music in the background. Something evocative and suitably atmospheric. Perhaps the Harry Potter theme? Otherwise insert your preferred movie theme of choice. Done? Good.

On with the show.

TO-DON'T LIST

• Don't give up. Unless it's smoking. You should really give that up. Says the woman who can't even give up chocolate . 
• Don't forget to be grateful for the little things in life. Like m&ms. They're little. Did I mention I can't give up chocolate?
• Don't think you have to fix all the things and be perfect. 
• Don't mull over what's already happened in the past. 
• Don't worry about what may or may not happen in the future. 
• Don't be a piker (pyker?). Not exactly sure what that is, nor how to spell it, but still. Don't be one. 
• Don't watch dumb reality shows. This one is for me, really. You can watch them if you want to. I can't stop you. 
• Don't stop believin'. Okay, that's an Olivia Newton-John/Journey song, but whatever works. 
• Don't forget to pat your dog. Unless you don't have one. In which case I don't even know what to say to you. You PSYCHOPATH.
• Don't be a will-o-mo-wisp. On second thought, a will-o-mo-wisp sounds quite lovely. And if it was good enough for Maria, it's good enough for me. 
• Don't rain on my parade. Okay, that's a Barbra Streisand song, but Babs is awesome so I'm going with it. 
• Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.
• Don't forget to eat your five a day. Unfortunately it's not five cakies. Again, that one was for me. Sigh. 
• Don't forget what your arms and legs are for: movement! Another one for me. Ahem.
• Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. And learn how to hide your feelings. Actually, no. That's terrible advice. What was Melissa Manchester thinking?
• Don't write to-don't lists then proceed to DO everything on them anyway. 
• Ditto don't write to-do lists then DON'T do anything on them either. I like contradicting myself. Shut up. 
• Don't worry about what other people think of you. As Dr Phil says: you wouldn't worry about what others thought of you if you knew how seldom they did. Besides, they're probably dickheads anyway. That last bit is from Dr Ness. 
• Don't stay up too late. Unless you can sleep-in in the morning. Why not?
• Don't get up too early. Mornings are stupid. See above. 
• Don't take advice from random bloggers on the internet, who have no qualifications whatsoever to to give such pearls of wisdom, including me. Especially me. 
• Don't begin frying an egg then walk away, get distracted, and forget about it until the smoke alarm goes off. Oops. 
• Don't spend too much time on social media. Bahahaha! I'm so funny. 
• Don't forget that social media is people's highlight reels. Things aren't always what they seem. 
• Don't be cruel to a heart that's true. Okay, that's an Elvis song, but still. It's not bad advice from The King. 
• Don't expect your folded piles of washing to put themselves away. They don't. So rude. 
• Don't spend winter being a sloth creature on valium because summer will be back before you know it and you'll regret it. Just me?
• Don't worry, be happy! Okay, that's some dude I can't remember's song. But it works to end this list. And now you'll have that lovely little earworm for a while. You're welcome!

Linking up for:

Friday Reflections

Life This Week

Open Slather

What would you write on your to-don't list?

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My Thoughts About Routines.

Hello lovelies! I'm back again. The school term has started in my part of the world. And I was ready. Not sure that my boys were, but they'll survive. 

I now have two high school boys, in year ten and seven, and one grade three boy. I am not allowed to post any photos of them, so you'll have to imagine how handsome they are.  That's my totally unbiased opinion!

It's a little bit dispiriting when you see all the other special parents proudly posting their back to school snaps. But I really don't like having my photo taken either, so I kind of get it. 

Anyway, this back to school thing means that I'm supposed to get back into a routine. 

BUT....

Here's the thing. I am really bad at them. It's another one of those curious Aspie dichotomies: I crave order and routine but I am rather inept and ineffectual at being the person who's supposed to be in charge of creating it. Sigh. 

I looked at Facey this morning and the first thing I saw was this article. It really resonated with me. Especially this part:

1. Lack of executive planning skills. Executive functioning describes the skills we use to organize and plan our lives. They allow typical adults to plan schedules in advance, notice that the shampoo is running low, or create and follow a timeline in order to complete a long term project. 

1. Most people with high functioning autism have compromised executive functioning skills, making it very tough to plan and manage a household, cope with minor schedule changes at school or at work, and so forth.

Story of my life.  

Honestly, the start of the school of the school year fills me with equal parts anticipation and trepidation.  In one way I'm glad to end the holidays, but I'm also on edge with the persistent feeling that I can't keep on top of everything that needs to be remembered and done. I always feel like I'm letting my boys down because I am not a typical multi-tasking, briskly efficient mum. 

It's a classic case of 'the blind leading the blind'. I don't know how to teach my boys to be organised because I have no idea myself.  I have calendars, diaries, lists etc and I still struggle. I am trying very hard to accept myself and work with myself instead of against myself, but being ad hoc and disorganised doesn't seem to be a very useful thing in life. Weird. 

Most of the advice out there about becoming organised or establishing routines seems to (mostly) come from naturally organised, neuro-typical type people.  I need to find the bits that work for me and discard the rest. It's all easier said than done! 

In other related news, I've been attempting to have a routine of writing 'morning pages'.  This is a process introduced by author Julia Cameron. The idea is that you write three pages each morning. You don't think about it too much, just write whatever's on your mind. A kind of a free writing, stream of consciousness type thing.

I haven't been totally successful. It's been on again off again. According to Cameron's book The Artist's Way,  this process is meant to unlock your creativity. All I seem to unlock is yet more waffling, discursive drivel. Dammit.  However, it is quite soothing to sit and write the old-fashioned way with pen and paper. Remember those? 

But anyway, whenever I get in the doldrums about all of the above I just repeat this word: 

PANGLOSSIAN. 

Panglossian. Panglossian. Panglossian.  PANGLOSSIAN! 

No, I haven't suddenly gone stark raving mad (that happened AGES ago), I'm just reminding myself of my word(s) for the year. (Look it up, it's an awesome word!) 

Besides, there was another article I read somewhere on the internet about personality traits and happiness (I can't remember which website it was to reference it... See?) and supposedly being orderly in no way correlates with happiness. Winning! 

Now I'm just going to pretend I'm organised and go and write a to-do list. And I'll definitely write the word panglossian down a few times as well. 

And before you know it, it will be school pick up time again! Later! 

What are you like with routines? 

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News I Will Never Forget

Every now and again I emerge blinking and bewildered from my bubble. The little cocoon of obliviousness I have concocted in order to mosey along in this mad, mad world. 

Mostly (I'm ashamed to admit), I don't watch the news. It's a self-preservation thing. You see, I'm a bit wobbly. Beneath my placid exterior, lurks my familiar nemesis. That evil bitch known as anxiety. 

Unlike the skinny bitch inside me screaming to get out, whom I usually shut up with chocolate (BOOM, TISH), Anxiety Bitch is bit harder to tame. She screams. She lashes out. Pokes, prods and makes her evil presence known. I hate her. I'm still learning to let her rage on and not pay as much attention. It's working. Sorta, kinda.

Anyway, my point is, the news isn't my thing. For some reason it's all bad. Go figure. 

But there are certain things over the last 20 years or so that have busted into my bubble.

I do remember hearing about these things...

The Port Arthur Massacre

This was made even more horrific by the fact that Mickey Blue Eyes and I had been there just months prior while on our honeymoon. It could very easily have been us. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, you can read about it here. We visited again five years ago with the boys. It was already an eerie place, given it's history. Now it's unspeakably sad and sinister.  

The death of Princess Diana 

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar... 

No wait. That's an 80's song. Things get confusing when you're in and out of a bubble.

I was working in call centre for NRMA at the time. I was taking a call from a customer. Because that's what you do in that job, oddly enough. Which explains why I don't do it anymore. But I digress...

The woman on the phone was very distraught and informed me that the news of Princess Diana's death had just been reported on the news. Pretty soon everyone was talking about in it the office.  The mood was sombre. 

9/11

I was in 'Mother Of A Newborn Zombie Land' when this happened. I'd crashed early and managed to get some precious sleep. Mickey Blue Eyes came into the bedroom and woke me up beside himself. He said something about planes crashing into the World Trade Centre. I was just SO PISSED that he woke me. I failed to grasp the enormity of what was happening in my sleep deprived daze. Eventually I stumbled out to the living room. I watched the images on the screen in horror. 

The thought that echoed through my mind: What kind of a crazy arsed, fucked up world have I brought my beautiful, innocent baby into? 

Those were the things that pierced through my bubble. 

And of course recently there was the whole US election thing. I've never paid much attention in previous years, but it was kind of hard to miss it this time around. But I'm not saying another word about that. Nope. No way.

With the way 2016 has gone it won't be long until the next bit of batshit crazy news. There's still another week of November and the whole of December to get through... GULP.

If anyone needs me I'll be in my bubble. 


Linking up for Life This Week and Open Slather.


What news will you never forget? 

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What's In My Handbag plus Shopping SUCKS

My TITS are in my handbag. That got your attention, didn't it? Okay, not my tits exactly, but my pretty pink Ipod that my brilliant imaginary friends Posski and Randa gave me was christened TITS. Perfect.

This is all leading up to today's confession, which is, most surprisingly:

What is in your handbag right now?

Allow me to tell you:

TITS (aka pink Ipod)

A purse. Sadly one that doesn't contain much cold, hard cash. Sigh

A book.

A tattered Fill-In. They're sort of like a lazy person's crossword, because they give you the answers and you fill them in in the right spots corresponding with each other. 

My adult colouring-in book.

My pencil case with pencils, pens and textas. (See above).

My lip balm. 

Normally I might have a brush, but I don't need those right now. I'm baldy. HAWT.  I now have a small collection of large handbags and a large collection of lovely hats. Awesome. 

That's about it. These items are essential for my long, boring chemo treatments and copious waiting in doctor's waiting rooms for appointments. This is pretty much my life right now.

Nothing much to report there except I had Cycle 3 of chemo last Wednesday and so far it's treating me kindly. Furthermore, I am nearly finished!!! Hallelujah! One more Cycle on the 24th and I'm DONE! 

Of course, then I will get my genetic test results back and find out what the next step is.  I am only very slightly petrified about this. Gulps.

So in order to keep my mind occupied I've been doing some of the afore-mentioned things in my handbag, reading, fill-ins etc. Additionally I've written some very dodgy poems. I won't share all of them with you (you're welcome), but this one made me giggle. I hope you do, too. 

Here goes:

SHOPPING SUCKS: A touching poem 

By Yours Truly

Shopping and cooking are a mystery to me
Yet often I drool over a recipe I see
Optimistically I set off, finding myself here at the shop
Where I frantically search for the list I forgot

It's laying at home, mocking and derisive
For even IT knows I am never decisive
Then I ponder and think, what items did I jot?
Do you think I remember? No! I cannot! 

Do I need coffee? Do I need tea?
What is the difference between camenbert and brie?
I know I need milk, but don't know what kind
We all prefer different types, you will find

The boys prefer THEIR milk to be fully-leaded
But the way that my dodgy cholesterol is headed
I am resigned to the boring old skim
Mickey Blue Eyes? It's 'light' milk for him! 

Of course I'll buy bread, but definitely NO CAKE!
Why? Because we all know I'll eat it, for goodness sake!
Did I need plain or self-raising flour?
I become more annoyed and perplexed by the hour

 I heave my clunky trolley through the brightly lit aisles
Wondering if other folk suffer all these trials
Up aisle one, down aisle two, three and four
My head is aching and my feet are so sore
Coles FM is droning on, I can't take it anymore! 

If I have to endure 'easy listening' for so long
PLEASE at least play a Carpenters song!
Then suddenly, while overwhelmed by choice
I DO blissfully hear that unrecognisable voice

Unperturbed, along I start singing
Impervious to the peeved looks I am bringing
I'm the weird woman who croons as she lingers
For slightly too long near the Birds Eye Fish Fingers

Abruptly I snap out of my Karen reverie
Feeling foolish, all eyes are following me
I must hurry up, get straight back to my task
Finish the shopping , get out of here FAST! 

There are three ravenous boys, all of whom I must feed
Even if they refuse the five serves of veggies they need
It has to be done, so on I endeavour
This is fun! RIGHT. Said no one, EVER!

Then a family reunion is starting to thrive
Conveniently clogging up most of aisle five
How will ever get out of here alive?
But I must keep going, so onwards I strive

Alas, it seems that even this isn't enough
It's just not my day. I must have no luck!
I spot some one I know, there in full sight!
An introvert's awkward and most irksome plight

I stop in dismay, watching like a hawk
Petrified I'll be cornered into difficult small talk
But when I turn to make my escape
Again I have made the most ghastly mistake

What else can go wrong? Yes, I know, I know! 
But it's torture for me in the confectionery row!
Mars Bars seem to tease me before my very eyes
As if they too know they would head straight to my thighs

Then ALL the chocolates join in and chant their evil chorus
Buy us! Eat us! Buy us! Eat us, Ness! You know you just adore us!
I'm forced to flee from the lane of all things yummy
The last thing I need is a bigger, rounder tummy

Leaving the chocolate's taunting refrain
I then reach the aisle of my ultimate shame
Yes, for me cleaning products cause genuine pain
Gumption, Ajax, mops and Pledge-Grab-Its
Remind me of all of my slovenly habits

These items will transform me into a Domestic Goddess!
Just buy us! We're brilliant! They insincerely promise.
Besides I'm aware that all you need is bleach
But how do you stand the smell, I will beg and beseech? 

Weary and bewildered, I randomly fill my trolley
A very impractical and most unwitting folly
I have had quite enough, I just can't pretend
It's time to bring this shopping thing limping to it's end

I trudge to the front in order to pay
But why is there only one cashier open today?
Once in line, the cashier is quite chatty
The endless yakking instead of packing is driving me batty

Then of course comes the inevitable price check
Isn't this all just a big pain in the neck?
Eventually my load is all finally scanned through
Then comes the terrible thing I must do

I reach for my purse and feel my hand quiver
As I hand over copious cash, a kidney, a liver
Arriving home, I unpack my all my food
And briefly relax my jittery mood

I'm pleased and relieved I've completed my feat
Then the boys arrive home and with these words they greet:

MUM, THERE'S NOTHING HERE TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you enjoy shopping?

What's in your handbag right now? 

Linking up for I Must Confess, Open Slather and Mummy Mondays. 

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Here I Am

Hello, dear people. It's been a while since I checked in  here. What's that? You didn't notice? How rude. HMPH.

Anyway, the reason for my absence was the passing of my mother-in-law (may she rest in peace) and being without a laptop. It has finally been fixed, so here I am.

Then, for some zany reason I cannot fathom, last Wednesday I became a dutiful housewife. I dusted. I vacuumed. I cleaned and tidied. I tidied and cleaned. I changed sheets and made beds. I SLAVED over dinner. It certainly was a tremendous effort to order the Chinese take away. I can only hope my family appreciates the extreme sacrifices I make for them.

Needless to say, this led to me being extremely lavish in my efforts to take rather long naps. In addition to all of this I also kept up my regular exercise routine. No seriously, I actually DO have a regular exercise routine. Please stop that sardonic laughter! Actually, I just felt like saying the word sardonic for the sake of it. Sardonic. Very satisfying. It's not like you get to say such words in everyday life, is it? Derisive works here, too. Take your pick. 

But what was I saying? Oh yes. Exercise. I exercise frequently. SUCH a shame that there never appears to be any visible evidence of this. Ditto the housework. Rude. So basically what I am saying is, I am wonder woman. I wonder what I'll do next? I'll probably type this sentence. See?

Then it hit me. This week it's Halloween. I can just leave all the dust and cobwebs and claim they're part of the theme of this week. It's actually like I've been prepared and ready for Halloween for all these years, before Halloween was even a thing in Australia. See? Who said I'm not organised?

But here's my Halloween dilemma. For the past two years we had a few trick or treaters knock on the door. However, I wasn't prepared, so I ended up giving them lame treats, like packets of sultanas or tiny teddies.  I'm wondering if I should stock up on lollies, but at the same time I don't want the temptation of having them around because I'll eat them. I'm classy like that.

My boys haven't expressed any desire to go trick or treating, and secretly I'm glad. It just doesn't appeal to me to go randomly knocking on doors asking for sweets, despite being a chocoholic. Halloween was never really a tradition in Australia when I was growing up in the 1970s and 80s. Maybe that's why I don't get into it. I never feel like I'm missing out on something because it just didn't exist in my childhood.It's like how some people from other parts of the world probably feel like Christmas isn't Christmas without snow. In Australia we never have a white Christmas, and you don't miss something you've never had. You don't even think about it.

Meanwhile, even my 74 year old mother is getting into the Halloween spirit. She was invited to a party and is planning to dress up. There was a time when I went to Rotaract  Halloween parties and dressed up as Morticia. Sadly, these days my only dress up option would be  a witch or ghost.  And all I'd need is the pointy hat, cloak and broomstick. No make-up. Sigh.

Come to think of it, I already became a fully-fledged witch at Weight Witches!  For some reason, there was no broomstick handed out. Furthermore, the nose twitching thing remains mysteriously elusive. Weird. Very weird indeed. Perhaps my magical powers will suddenly come out to play when it's Halloween? Think about it. It certainly would be handy to turn some one into a toad when they annoy you. Just kidding. I'm a nice witch. 

My Morticia days are over *sobs*

Anyway, it's really hard to believe that it's the end of October. Consequently this means that November is a mere week away. Wasn't it just January a couple of months ago?

This means that Mr 6 becomes Mr 7 next Monday and a week later it's mine and Mickey Blue Eyes' 20th wedding anniversary. Wasn't it just 1995 a few years ago? Shut up.

On that note, I still haven't started Christmas shopping. Apparently I like living on the edge. But I'm not alone. According to a comprehensive study I conducted, most people prefer to leave Christmas shopping until December where it belongs. Using 'comprehensive study' in the sense of a random Facebook status update I posted a few weeks ago.

It's all good, though. We are very close to obtaining our passports, which means we can now fire up the private jet and take off at a moments notice if we choose. Or, you know, just go to Dubbo again just because we're quirky. Quirky, dammit! NOT tight-asses. Ahem.

Speaking of random stuff, (we weren't, but you know me and my meandering posts) I actually bought something from Evilbay for the first time ever! I'm onto all the newfangled things just like all the youngsters. There's no telling what can happen from here. Hopefully not Evilbay addiction. Which is a thing, according to certain friends who call it Evilbay for that reason. Scary. But scary is the theme of the week.

So BOO!

Linking up with Kirsty, Alicia and Eva.

Do you celebrate Halloween? 

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I Love Lobster (But Liebster Is Good Too)

Why hello groovers and shakers! I'm back after a brief interlude. I was busy sunning myself in Hawaii, drinking cocktails and reading romance novels. Oh wait... 

That was in my fantasies. Sigh.

In reality I was busy with sick kidlets and the general busyness of this thing called life. While it appeared that I wasn't doing anything unusual, my mind was in a constant overdrive of over-thinking about stuff and getting more and more confused. It's a gift people. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago the lovely Rhianna over at Rhianna Writes nominated me for something called a Liebster Award. Thanks, Rhianna! 

At first I thought it was something to with Lobster and I might get a Lobster meal out of it. Nope. Damn. I love lobster mornay. 

I really want lobster now. HMPH.

I just have to answer a few questions. Here goes:

What makes you happy?

That's easy! Cakies and Carpenters music. Oh, and my family of course! I also do a bit of aerobicising every day to get a few endorphins happening. 

Why did you start blogging?

I used to write those awful Christmas/Year In Review letters to my friends and family. They were such a hit that it became clear that I was a comic genius and I should bring my particular brand of self-deprecating bullshit wit and humour to the entire world via a blog. You're all welcome. 


What is the best thing anybody has ever said about your blog?

I've had so many people BEGGING me to write a book. Okay,  it was only one or two people who have kindly suggested it. Another also suggested I should do stand-up comedy. Which is hilarious, because I'm so shy. Somebody else said it shows who I am. Now that I think about it, I was blogging about being a bogan at the time, so I'm not sure if that was a compliment...

What are your top three bucket list items?

Um. The thing is I don't do bucket lists, but my fuck it list is quite long, as the joke goes. 

I suppose if I thought about it I'd like to move to a better house and have an overseas trip with my family. For the third thing I'll say I don't know exactly, but maybe I'll surprise myself and do something I have never even thought of. Okay, it's a long shot, but you never know... 

What is one thing you can't live without?

Oxygen, food and water. Wait, that's three things... 

Um. I'm guessing this question wasn't meant to be taken quite so literally? But what do you want from me? I'm an Aspie!


What is your favourite Australian travel destination?

We've made repeat trips to Cairns and Tassie. So it must be those places. As well as Dubbo. Who could forget about Dubbo? Shut up.

What two countries make you the happiest to visit?

I've only been in two. Australia and Holland when I was a girl. I think I was happy while there. There is actual video footage of a ten-year-old Ness skipping through the tulips in existence, but I have no idea how to upload it here, so you'll have to imagine it. 

Image credit:http://7-themes.com/6975495-tulips-field-holland.html

I skipped through these in 1981. Well, not these actual tulips,
but similar ones. Details.

What is your favourite and least favourite word?

I love words. I can't possibly single out one favourite. There are so many. Myriad, ethereal, curmudgeonly, dishevelled..  Not to mention CAKE. Who can choose?

As for least favourite, again there are several, but I really hate hearing the word retard. Sadly, there have been times when my boys have said it and I turned seventeen different shades of purple and green and have to keep on reiterating that we never say that word. Ugh. 

If you found out that due to a mix-up at the hospital that one of your children wasn't yours, would you give them back?

No, not now. It's far too late for that. They've gone over to the dark side at this point. Now that you mention it, none of them are quiet and shy. Maybe they aren't mine? But I seem to recall being there when they were born. Weird. 

Now, apparently I have to nominate people. This is the part that I find difficult because I am really not very good at this blogging community thing. (I'm trying to be better, but I'm still a space cadet. Oops). By the time I get around to joining in, every other blogger has been nominated already. So I'm just going to nominate the three link-up hosts who I'm joining in with today. Firstly because they're all awesome, and secondly because at least I know that they might read this. Lets face it, the only people who read my musings are other link-up bloggers and my Mum. Which is a shame because so  many people are missing out on my genius. Such a tragedy. Sigh. 

Anyway, over to you Kirsty, Alicia and Eva.

If you've already been nominated, just ignore me or answer in the comments. You can answer any of the above questions or alternatively these ones:

Do you like lobster mornay?

Are you an over thinker? 

Over and out. 

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