An Experiment

Good morning, dear people! Or afternoon. Or evening. Depending upon where you are in the world. Of course there's less than zero chance that folks all over the globe are reading this, but it doesn't hurt to remain delusional optimistic.

Anyway, I trust you are feeling fabulous wherever you may be. I just thought I'd check in here for the heck of it, despite having nothing monumental to report, and bugger all snaps to share. That's me for you. Always generous, and thinking of others.

Besides, according to some dude called Ralph Waldo Emerson "All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." Look, it's on the internet so it must be legit.

Therefore, I may as well treat this here blog post as an experiment. I'm sure I can pull something out of nothing. That's pretty much what I always do anyway.

But today I am taking it to a whole new level. Because I have decided. Why must we always DO ALL THE THINGS? Sure, it feels good to smash that to-do list, but what if we mixed it up for a change?

Did something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Something wild and crazy. Cutting edge and avant-garde. Something so daring and innovative it's never been heard of before and likely never will again?

You with me? Good. Let's try this groundbreaking experiment: instead of the ever present, ubiquitous to-do list, let's be bold and write a to DON'T list instead!!!

Yeah, okay, you got me. I did talk the idea up a bit more than is strictly necessary. A dash of melodrama never hurt anyone. Unless it's like actual melodrama. That's stressful. Screw that.

No, I mean pretendy type melodrama. Such fun! As Miranda would say. It works even better if you imagine rousing music in the background. Something evocative and suitably atmospheric. Perhaps the Harry Potter theme? Otherwise insert your preferred movie theme of choice. Done? Good.

On with the show.

TO-DON'T LIST

• Don't give up. Unless it's smoking. You should really give that up. Says the woman who can't even give up chocolate . 
• Don't forget to be grateful for the little things in life. Like m&ms. They're little. Did I mention I can't give up chocolate?
• Don't think you have to fix all the things and be perfect. 
• Don't mull over what's already happened in the past. 
• Don't worry about what may or may not happen in the future. 
• Don't be a piker (pyker?). Not exactly sure what that is, nor how to spell it, but still. Don't be one. 
• Don't watch dumb reality shows. This one is for me, really. You can watch them if you want to. I can't stop you. 
• Don't stop believin'. Okay, that's an Olivia Newton-John/Journey song, but whatever works. 
• Don't forget to pat your dog. Unless you don't have one. In which case I don't even know what to say to you. You PSYCHOPATH.
• Don't be a will-o-mo-wisp. On second thought, a will-o-mo-wisp sounds quite lovely. And if it was good enough for Maria, it's good enough for me. 
• Don't rain on my parade. Okay, that's a Barbra Streisand song, but Babs is awesome so I'm going with it. 
• Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.
• Don't forget to eat your five a day. Unfortunately it's not five cakies. Again, that one was for me. Sigh. 
• Don't forget what your arms and legs are for: movement! Another one for me. Ahem.
• Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. And learn how to hide your feelings. Actually, no. That's terrible advice. What was Melissa Manchester thinking?
• Don't write to-don't lists then proceed to DO everything on them anyway. 
• Ditto don't write to-do lists then DON'T do anything on them either. I like contradicting myself. Shut up. 
• Don't worry about what other people think of you. As Dr Phil says: you wouldn't worry about what others thought of you if you knew how seldom they did. Besides, they're probably dickheads anyway. That last bit is from Dr Ness. 
• Don't stay up too late. Unless you can sleep-in in the morning. Why not?
• Don't get up too early. Mornings are stupid. See above. 
• Don't take advice from random bloggers on the internet, who have no qualifications whatsoever to to give such pearls of wisdom, including me. Especially me. 
• Don't begin frying an egg then walk away, get distracted, and forget about it until the smoke alarm goes off. Oops. 
• Don't spend too much time on social media. Bahahaha! I'm so funny. 
• Don't forget that social media is people's highlight reels. Things aren't always what they seem. 
• Don't be cruel to a heart that's true. Okay, that's an Elvis song, but still. It's not bad advice from The King. 
• Don't expect your folded piles of washing to put themselves away. They don't. So rude. 
• Don't spend winter being a sloth creature on valium because summer will be back before you know it and you'll regret it. Just me?
• Don't worry, be happy! Okay, that's some dude I can't remember's song. But it works to end this list. And now you'll have that lovely little earworm for a while. You're welcome!

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What would you write on your to-don't list?