Ticked Off #WriteBravely #Day4

Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/

Diane Smith had been smug and self important all her life. The fact that her time on earth appeared to be drawing to end had done nothing to change this. She'd delighted in telling everyone who'd pissed her off exactly what she thought of them.

First, her obnoxious boss. He could stick his stupid job. Then her ungrateful daughter. She'd always been a disappointment.  Next on her list had been her pathetic sibling. How she'd loved telling her sister Mary about her husband's affairs, including the drunken one night stand he'd indulged in with her years ago. Let them work that one out!

Never one to be deterred, Diane had then moved on to her hapless, doddering parents. Spitefully she spat out every injustice of her fifty six years. They were responsible! They'd never really cared about her. Refusing to loan her money over the years when she had debts. Well, they could have her inheritance now. She didn't need it!

The cancer was aggressive, so she'd been told. Sure, she was bitter. But if she had to go, she was going to make damn sure she went with a bang. Always extravagant, she'd taken it to a whole new level, maxing out her credit cards. She'd ticked off every thing she'd wanted on her wish list. Then ticked off every human who'd ticked her off over the years. Screw them! 

"Here's to bucket lists! And fuck it lists, which are even better!" She laughed, pouring herself a celebratory glass of wine. The doctors had been non committal about exactly how much time she had left. But she wanted to make sure she had extracted her revenge before she couldn't. 

She was still chuckling to herself when she answered the phone. Her mirth gradually fading to mortification as she heard the doctor's words.

There was a buzzing in her ears. She took in certain phrases. Something about a mix up. "I'm terribly sorry," the doctor's voice was anxious.

She didn't have cancer after all. She wasn't dying. Another Diane Smith was. She didn't spend more than a nanosecond considering that other woman.

The stranger with the same name who was about to have a bombshell dropped in her life. This Diane only ever thought of herself. For once in her life she was actually speechless.

The wine glass slipped from her hand and shattered into a million pieces. 

The End. 

Written for Festival Of Words 2018 Day 4 using the prompt:

Day 4 – 27 Jun – Write a story about a character who finds out that he or she is dying and has been knocking things off his/her bucket list and has finally reached the last item.

Linking up with Write Tribe for Festival Of Words. 

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I Love Lobster (But Liebster Is Good Too)

Why hello groovers and shakers! I'm back after a brief interlude. I was busy sunning myself in Hawaii, drinking cocktails and reading romance novels. Oh wait... 

That was in my fantasies. Sigh.

In reality I was busy with sick kidlets and the general busyness of this thing called life. While it appeared that I wasn't doing anything unusual, my mind was in a constant overdrive of over-thinking about stuff and getting more and more confused. It's a gift people. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago the lovely Rhianna over at Rhianna Writes nominated me for something called a Liebster Award. Thanks, Rhianna! 

At first I thought it was something to with Lobster and I might get a Lobster meal out of it. Nope. Damn. I love lobster mornay. 

I really want lobster now. HMPH.

I just have to answer a few questions. Here goes:

What makes you happy?

That's easy! Cakies and Carpenters music. Oh, and my family of course! I also do a bit of aerobicising every day to get a few endorphins happening. 

Why did you start blogging?

I used to write those awful Christmas/Year In Review letters to my friends and family. They were such a hit that it became clear that I was a comic genius and I should bring my particular brand of self-deprecating bullshit wit and humour to the entire world via a blog. You're all welcome. 


What is the best thing anybody has ever said about your blog?

I've had so many people BEGGING me to write a book. Okay,  it was only one or two people who have kindly suggested it. Another also suggested I should do stand-up comedy. Which is hilarious, because I'm so shy. Somebody else said it shows who I am. Now that I think about it, I was blogging about being a bogan at the time, so I'm not sure if that was a compliment...

What are your top three bucket list items?

Um. The thing is I don't do bucket lists, but my fuck it list is quite long, as the joke goes. 

I suppose if I thought about it I'd like to move to a better house and have an overseas trip with my family. For the third thing I'll say I don't know exactly, but maybe I'll surprise myself and do something I have never even thought of. Okay, it's a long shot, but you never know... 

What is one thing you can't live without?

Oxygen, food and water. Wait, that's three things... 

Um. I'm guessing this question wasn't meant to be taken quite so literally? But what do you want from me? I'm an Aspie!


What is your favourite Australian travel destination?

We've made repeat trips to Cairns and Tassie. So it must be those places. As well as Dubbo. Who could forget about Dubbo? Shut up.

What two countries make you the happiest to visit?

I've only been in two. Australia and Holland when I was a girl. I think I was happy while there. There is actual video footage of a ten-year-old Ness skipping through the tulips in existence, but I have no idea how to upload it here, so you'll have to imagine it. 

Image credit:http://7-themes.com/6975495-tulips-field-holland.html

I skipped through these in 1981. Well, not these actual tulips,
but similar ones. Details.

What is your favourite and least favourite word?

I love words. I can't possibly single out one favourite. There are so many. Myriad, ethereal, curmudgeonly, dishevelled..  Not to mention CAKE. Who can choose?

As for least favourite, again there are several, but I really hate hearing the word retard. Sadly, there have been times when my boys have said it and I turned seventeen different shades of purple and green and have to keep on reiterating that we never say that word. Ugh. 

If you found out that due to a mix-up at the hospital that one of your children wasn't yours, would you give them back?

No, not now. It's far too late for that. They've gone over to the dark side at this point. Now that you mention it, none of them are quiet and shy. Maybe they aren't mine? But I seem to recall being there when they were born. Weird. 

Now, apparently I have to nominate people. This is the part that I find difficult because I am really not very good at this blogging community thing. (I'm trying to be better, but I'm still a space cadet. Oops). By the time I get around to joining in, every other blogger has been nominated already. So I'm just going to nominate the three link-up hosts who I'm joining in with today. Firstly because they're all awesome, and secondly because at least I know that they might read this. Lets face it, the only people who read my musings are other link-up bloggers and my Mum. Which is a shame because so  many people are missing out on my genius. Such a tragedy. Sigh. 

Anyway, over to you Kirsty, Alicia and Eva.

If you've already been nominated, just ignore me or answer in the comments. You can answer any of the above questions or alternatively these ones:

Do you like lobster mornay?

Are you an over thinker? 

Over and out. 

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I Must Confess: My Bucket List (And Fuck It List)

First of all, I Must Confess that I don't really have a Bucket List as such. I do, however, have a Fuck It List longer than Question Time. So, I'm slightly tweaking the confession to spill what's on my Fuck It List, and then a lame attempt at a Bucket List. I am not even remotely an adrenaline junkie, so therefore my long list of Fuck It's include:

• Bungee Jumping
• Sky Diving
• Harbour Bridge Climb
• Hot Air Balloon ride
• Hang Gliding

I also have zero desire to;

• Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
• Ditto The Empire State Building
• Climb Mt. Everest
• Go White Water Rafting
• Go Scuba Diving
• Go on any extreme rides at theme parks eg. Roller coaster etc

Fuck that.

You get the picture. I'm a big scardey cat, chicken shit wus. Therefore my actual Bucket List is extremely boring. It includes:

• Getting married (check).
• Having kids (check).
• Getting that McMansion in Boganville Heights.
• Seeing my boys grow up.
• Becoming a Granny.
• Finish writing the excruciatingly awful book I started writing years ago, which will require me living until I'm approximately 145 years old, at the slower than a snail's pace rate I'm going.

In addition to this, I wouldn't mind doing the following at some point:

• Visiting Karen Carpenter's final resting place in California.
• Visiting Prince Edward Island to see all the places associated with author Lucy Maud Montgomery of Anne Of Green Gables fame.
• Visiting the UK to see all the places associated with Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters.
• Visiting Europe, in particular I've always wanted to see Germany since I was a teenager learning German at school (which I now can't remember a word of beyond Guten Tag, but meh, I still want to go).

To do all of the above, I will also need to:

• Win the Lottery.

Since I never take a ticket, the chances of this are extremely remote. Non-existent in fact. Therefore, the only thing left on my Bucket List is:


Have a cup of tea and a cakie (multiplied by a billion times). You know, just so I can have something else I can actually tick off.

 Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

What's on your bucket list? Or, alternatively, your Fuck It List?

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