I Love Lobster (But Liebster Is Good Too)

Why hello groovers and shakers! I'm back after a brief interlude. I was busy sunning myself in Hawaii, drinking cocktails and reading romance novels. Oh wait... 

That was in my fantasies. Sigh.

In reality I was busy with sick kidlets and the general busyness of this thing called life. While it appeared that I wasn't doing anything unusual, my mind was in a constant overdrive of over-thinking about stuff and getting more and more confused. It's a gift people. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago the lovely Rhianna over at Rhianna Writes nominated me for something called a Liebster Award. Thanks, Rhianna! 

At first I thought it was something to with Lobster and I might get a Lobster meal out of it. Nope. Damn. I love lobster mornay. 

I really want lobster now. HMPH.

I just have to answer a few questions. Here goes:

What makes you happy?

That's easy! Cakies and Carpenters music. Oh, and my family of course! I also do a bit of aerobicising every day to get a few endorphins happening. 

Why did you start blogging?

I used to write those awful Christmas/Year In Review letters to my friends and family. They were such a hit that it became clear that I was a comic genius and I should bring my particular brand of self-deprecating bullshit wit and humour to the entire world via a blog. You're all welcome. 


What is the best thing anybody has ever said about your blog?

I've had so many people BEGGING me to write a book. Okay,  it was only one or two people who have kindly suggested it. Another also suggested I should do stand-up comedy. Which is hilarious, because I'm so shy. Somebody else said it shows who I am. Now that I think about it, I was blogging about being a bogan at the time, so I'm not sure if that was a compliment...

What are your top three bucket list items?

Um. The thing is I don't do bucket lists, but my fuck it list is quite long, as the joke goes. 

I suppose if I thought about it I'd like to move to a better house and have an overseas trip with my family. For the third thing I'll say I don't know exactly, but maybe I'll surprise myself and do something I have never even thought of. Okay, it's a long shot, but you never know... 

What is one thing you can't live without?

Oxygen, food and water. Wait, that's three things... 

Um. I'm guessing this question wasn't meant to be taken quite so literally? But what do you want from me? I'm an Aspie!


What is your favourite Australian travel destination?

We've made repeat trips to Cairns and Tassie. So it must be those places. As well as Dubbo. Who could forget about Dubbo? Shut up.

What two countries make you the happiest to visit?

I've only been in two. Australia and Holland when I was a girl. I think I was happy while there. There is actual video footage of a ten-year-old Ness skipping through the tulips in existence, but I have no idea how to upload it here, so you'll have to imagine it. 

Image credit:http://7-themes.com/6975495-tulips-field-holland.html

I skipped through these in 1981. Well, not these actual tulips,
but similar ones. Details.

What is your favourite and least favourite word?

I love words. I can't possibly single out one favourite. There are so many. Myriad, ethereal, curmudgeonly, dishevelled..  Not to mention CAKE. Who can choose?

As for least favourite, again there are several, but I really hate hearing the word retard. Sadly, there have been times when my boys have said it and I turned seventeen different shades of purple and green and have to keep on reiterating that we never say that word. Ugh. 

If you found out that due to a mix-up at the hospital that one of your children wasn't yours, would you give them back?

No, not now. It's far too late for that. They've gone over to the dark side at this point. Now that you mention it, none of them are quiet and shy. Maybe they aren't mine? But I seem to recall being there when they were born. Weird. 

Now, apparently I have to nominate people. This is the part that I find difficult because I am really not very good at this blogging community thing. (I'm trying to be better, but I'm still a space cadet. Oops). By the time I get around to joining in, every other blogger has been nominated already. So I'm just going to nominate the three link-up hosts who I'm joining in with today. Firstly because they're all awesome, and secondly because at least I know that they might read this. Lets face it, the only people who read my musings are other link-up bloggers and my Mum. Which is a shame because so  many people are missing out on my genius. Such a tragedy. Sigh. 

Anyway, over to you Kirsty, Alicia and Eva.

If you've already been nominated, just ignore me or answer in the comments. You can answer any of the above questions or alternatively these ones:

Do you like lobster mornay?

Are you an over thinker? 

Over and out. 

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Making Mondays Marvellous

Hello Monday, you marvellous creature! It's the start of another week and there is so much to look forward to!

But Mondays suck, I hear you exclaim. That is one way of looking at it. However, I am here to argue that the much maligned Monday has much to offer.

• Every body knows that Monday is usually the day that you start diets. Which means that by around lunch time (or morning tea time) you can look forward to eating your body weight in ALL THE FOOD and abruptly ending the Monday diet madness. Or is that just me? 

• It's often a public holiday. 

• It makes you appreciate Fridays even more. 

• It's the only day of the week that starts with an M, making it unique. 

• There are lots of famous songs inspired by Mondays: I Don't Like Mondays, Manic Monday, Rainy Days And Mondays (always get me down...) The fact that they are all negative songs is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT. 

• Lots of restaurants offer kids eat free deals on Mondays. Since you've already screwed your diet at lunch time, you might as well  forget about cooking and go for it. 

• You can plan all the things you have to do this week and start ticking them off. Alternatively, you can just tick of the days until the weekend.

• You may have a favourite television show which airs on a Monday. I'm not even sure which shows are on on Mondays. What am I like? 

• If Home And Away or Neighbours ended on a cliffhanger on Friday you have all the pent up anticipation of the next episode to look forward to. Surprisingly I don't watch either show. Come to think of it, I don't really watch any shows. Weird.

• The BEST reason of all that Monday ROCKS: It's usually the day I share a new post here on Nessville!!!!!

Admit it, it's the only reason you wake up, right? 

Anyway, lets get down to my exciting list of things that are happening in the land of Nessville this week:

Monday

Most likely I will get out of bed.  If you are reading this then I have managed it. I will certainly look at Facebook. I will post this blog. It's my gift to the world. Just to make your Monday so much better. You're welcome. 

Tuesday

Mickey Blue Eye's birthday is on Tuesday! This of course means one thing: CAKE!!

I also have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I had a routine blood test done last Wednesday. This is just for a check-up for my cholesterol and sugar levels as well as my thyroid. So I'm going back to see how it went. I'm quietly optimistic that it's all good. I haven't received any phone calls. Last time I had a blood test, my GP rang me immediately the next day to tell my that my sugar levels were a concern and I had to have a Glucose Tolerance Test. So far, no phone calls this time around. That has to be a good thing, doesn't it? This Weight Witches thing may be paying off after all. Oh my stars! 

Wednesday

I will probably stare into space vacantly after exercising vigorously. At which point I will come to the conclusion that since I just exercised and it still must be some one's birthday somewhere, I can justify having yet more leftover birthday cake. Winning! 

Thursday

I will probably have a cup of tea. Actually several cups of tea. I always do. 

Friday 

I have my monthly weigh-in at Weight Witches. SUCH a glamorous life I lead. At this point I've scheduled in some sulking when all my cake-eating catches up with me. Following this brief period of sulking, I've then scheduled a firm kick up the bum to myself to make myself get back on track. As soon as I figure out how to become a contortionist....

I suppose I could get Mickey Blue Eyes to kick me up the bum. Otherwise, I'll kick HIM up the bum. I mean, it was HIS birthday cake! It's totally his fault that I ate cake! Come to think of it, my Mum and Mr 14 also had birthdays in this past month. More cake! Therefore, it's totally my family's fault for FORCING me to eat ALL THE CAKE. SO rude. 


Saturday

Two out of three boys have soccer. I'm sure it will be as thrilling as last Saturday when Mr 6 informed me "We lost 7 - nil, but I scored TWO GOALS!!" 

Not exactly sure how that works. I think he inherited his logic from me. So proud. 

Sunday

On Sunday I will be sleeping in. There are no other exciting plans. What could be more exciting than sleeping in? 

This will conclude an action-packed week. Just in time for another marvellous Monday! Can't wait... Can you? 

Linking up for I Must Confess,  Open Slather and Mummy Mondays. 

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Rules to live by

This week's I Must Confess topic has certainly made me think. Which probably  explains that burning smell. I do tend to over think, but usually about cake. I had never thought about what rules I live by.  I used to believe stuff like that was wanky and pretentious. 

Now that I'm older I feel that living with a few 'rules' or values is worthwhile, but only if they have personal meaning to you. On the other hand living by rules because they're expected of you by others doesn't seem so wonderful.

At first I seemed to be a bit stuck on this topic. I figured that's because I'm such a cutting edge rebel. Always breaking the rules and all that. Yep, it's totally that.

Anyway, I pondered and ruminated some more. As well as being cutting edge, I'm a deep and intellectual thinker. And I still had nothing. 

Except this random, ad hoc list of 'Rules To Live By' Ness style:

• My mental health is always more important than what some one may think of me. Seriously. This is my mantra in life at the moment. 

• Life's too short to quit sugar.  Unless you have to because you might have diabetes. In which case life's too short to NOT quit sugar. Or something...

• You wouldn't worry about what other people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did. Thank you, Dr Phil.  Hang on, this sort of cancels out my mantra. Oh well, they're my rules. They don't have to make sense. So ner!

• Accept myself the way I am in all my flawed glory. I'm shy, introverted, Aspie, scatter-brained. A space cadet daydreamer and a bit of drifter rather than a planner or driven. So what? I'm still okay. It takes all kinds of people to make a World. Including space cadets. So space cadets unite! If we remember...

• Ditch 'shoulds'. A lot of the time I have a long list of 'shoulds' roaming around my mind. I should be outgoing. I should have a career. I should be organised. Blah, blah, blah,blah. Therefore, a worthwhile rule is ditching the word should. I know I should, but it's hard. See??!! 

• My bra is the first thing to come off at home. 

• Random drop-ins. No. Just - NO. 

• A house without books is like a restaurant without food.

•  I need to move my body every day. Sometimes I rail against this, but that's the way it is. I'm not a naturally sporty person. Far from it. I've had to accept that my body still needs exercise whether I like it or not. 

• If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. And people wonder why I'm so quiet...

• There is that meme that floats around Facey about how every one is fighting their own battle that you know nothing about. Just be kind. Or something like that. Sort of sounds cliched, but I reckon it's true, so I always keep it in mind. Treat others the way you like to be treated and all that Seems like an  okay rule to live by. 

• Avoid toxic people and drama queens. Some people are just genuinely arseholes and drama queens.  So I don't surround myself with these kind of toxic people. I suppose it helps if you're inclined to keep to yourself for the most part. 

• Push myself out of my little comfort zone World occasionally. I'm working on this, but I  do find myself wishing that comfort zones weren't quite so..well, comfortable. Sigh. 

• Hug my boys and tell them I love them approximately ten billionty times a day. 

• Stop and eat the cake. I mean, uh...stop and smell the flowers. And STOP eating ALL THE CAKE. I dislike this rule. Sniff. WHY can't I eat the cake? Perfect example of rules that are meant to be broken, if you ask me...

• Drink cups and cups of tea. Pots are even better. Plus, tea goes perfectly with cake. And it has antioxidants or something. That balances out the cake, right? 

• Keep a journal. It's fascinating and rather amusing for future you to read what past you was thinking and feeling. 

• Make sure you keep the afore mentioned journal password protected or under lock and key. It may not be quite so amusing for your loved ones to read if they stumble upon it. Ahem. 

• Always wear clean undies in case you get hit by a bus. Actually, this is a rule I've heard a lot, but I'm not sure it's really that important. I mean, if you saw a bus hurtling towards you, I'm sure your undies wouldn't be clean for too long.  

• On the other hand wearing clean undies every day (whether or not you get hit by a bus) seems to be a fair enough rule. And, you know, just wearing undies, period. It seems that filthy, stinking rich celebs regularly forget to wear them or can't afford them or something. Weird. 

• And finally, always laugh at yourself. If you can't laugh at yourself then give me a call and I'll laugh at you, as the saying goes. Plus, if I didn't laugh, I'd cry. And that's alright. A good old cry is helpful at times, but laughing is always great every day. 

There you have it!  My comprehensive list of rules to live by. Now it's time for a cup of tea. It's the rules! 

Linking up for I Must Confess , Open Slather and Mummy Mondays. 

What are your rules to live by?

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Our House

It is a truth universally acknowledged that every home has a neglected room.  You know the kind. The sad little lonely spare room filled to the brim with a dusty treadmill and all those scrap booking projects you were going to get around to?

The double garage crowded with absolutely everything - except cars. The office that is so badly organised or poorly lit that you rarely, if ever, work in there. 

The gargantuan 'theatre room' where you never have the time to watch all those movies you envisioned. The gleaming bathroom resplendent with super-sized hot tub that you rarely indulge in because you're most likely just weird and only wanted the damn thing to just SHOW OFF in the first place. And no, I'm not jealous AT ALL! HMPH. 

You see, here's my confession: I don't have any of these rooms. Yes, none of the rooms in my house are neglected and unused.

The reason for this is simple. And here's the second part of my confession: our house only consists of a grand total of... wait for it:

Drum roll please...

Seven rooms!  

With five people living here. You do the math. This means that every room is used and thoroughly lived in. This also redefines the concept of togetherness.  

I must admit I have a bit of a  love/hate relationship with our humble abode. I do love the fact that we own it and not a bank. But I might be developing a tiny case of claustrophobia. 

It's also frightfully difficult to keep clean and tidy due to lack of space. This is pretty much the way I grew up back in the good old days of the 70s and 80s. Or the 'olden days' as my boys call them. In a simple, three bedroom Aussie Battler home in the 'burbs. Classy. 

Um I have no idea what 'recaulking' is but I do indeed have those nasty
energy vampires snapping at me. Maybe I should check my neglected Pinterest account?

Having said all of the above, our bathroom is a tad neglected at the moment and in need of some Gumption attention. Ahem. Did I mention that I hate cleaning bathrooms. Who wants a big McMansion with six bathrooms? Only if it comes with a cleaner, thanks. 

Thinking about it further, the entire house could do with a coat of paint. Or, you know, a bulldozer, to knock it down and start over again. Okay, this dilapidated old box quaint little cottage could do with a little bit of TLC. But we haven't been nominated for House Rules or won the lottery. We just seem to be in something resembling a box-shaped rut in regards to doing anything about moving. But I'm sure it will happen one day. That, or I'll die here. Which is fitting, because it's as big as a coffin. BOOM TISH. 

I jest. Actually, it's all good because there are amazing benefits to living in a small house.  

Without further ado I bring to you the top five benefits of claustrophobic living:

5. No mortgage.
4. No mortgage. 
3. No mortgage.
2. No mortgage.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand... bring back the drum roll... 

The Number 1 benefit to living in a small house is:

1. You guessed it - NO MORTGAGE!! 

If we really wanted to have a McMansion we could, but we'd get a mortgage instead of fries with that. One of these days Mickey Blue Eyes will be a millionaire and I'll be his smokin' hawt trophy wife and then I'm sure it will happen. I might need shit tonnes of plastic surgery to make the latter happen, but details. 

Anyway, home is where the wine is. Which reminds me, I don't have any wine. I have no space for a wine rack. How rude. 

The thing is, initially when we bought this charming dwelling we believed that we might never have children. It would have been fine for the two of us. It was still fine when Mr 14 made his momentous appearance 14 years ago, funnily enough. Then we had our second boy, now Mr 11 and it still seemed fine. They were only babies. Around this time Mickey Blue Eyes had Cancer and improving the house or moving took a back seat. Then a few years later, I was expecting another baby and suffered a late miscarriage. I suppose I could say life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Except I stole that from John Lennon. Somehow we were always so busy dealing with emotional stuff that we never got around to thinking about practical stuff. 

Then one day we woke up and I was up the duffian yet again. Mr 6 made his appearance and here we were still in our cramped little quarters. Then Mickey Blue Eyes decided to take the plunge of working for himself at home and in order to do this we've had to put any ideas of moving on hold for a while. But at least we know the meaning of true togetherness and NO MORTGAGE. 

Sorry, I just need to keep saying that to remind myself that there is point to this sardine-like existence.

And now I suppose I had better go and crack open that tub of Gumption and clean my match-box sized bathroom while you go and watch movies in your theatre room or enjoy your hot-tub while your cleaner scrubs your five bathrooms. Sniff. 

Linking up for I Must Confess , Open Slather and Mummy Mondays.


What is the most neglected room in your house? 

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My most treasured item

There are certain items that I treasure. Most of them are jewellery. Of course I am particularly fond of my wedding and engagement rings. I chose an engagement ring with an extremely high set solitaire diamond. I expected that I would probably go around catching and bumping it on everything. Surprisingly, this isn't an issue.

Possibly because I rarely wear them these days.  It's so much easier to pick-up without them. Just kidding. As if I would ever have any trouble picking up if I wanted too! I just don't bother because it wouldn't be fair to all the single ladies. Oh yeah, and because of the whole happily married and PASSIONATELY in love with Mickey Blue Eyes thing. Yeah, that. 

Jokes aside, the real reason I don't wear them much is because I wake up in the middle of the night with pins and needles in my hand and fingers. Consequently, I take the rings off and then forget to put them back on. Oops. 

Anyway, thinking about this topic makes me realise that I don't really value 'stuff'. I have my phone and I share a lap-top. But there aren't a lot of items that spring to mind. Only one.

My Carpenters key ring. 

I purchased this beloved acquisition from the official Carpenters fan club when it was still in existence. The only thing is, I have come under scorn, creating some controversy among two other fans, due to the fact that I actually use it as a key-ring.

Apparently you are supposed to have it framed in gold and worship it from a distance. 

Along with the key-ring, I also bought a Carpenters address book. I actually wrote in it. Oops. 

When I originally purchased these items I did not know that there would come a time when I would be able to sell them on Evilbay. Plus, I've never had any intention of selling them, anyway. But I certainly could have looked after them better. 

My mugger would have been impressed
with this wallet photo. 

I also had a little wallet photograph and a fan club membership card. They were proudly kept in my purse. One day I was mugged as a teenager and had my purse snatched. I was DEVASTATED. I'm pretty sure the mugger was, too. He only got about ten bucks and my lousy (to him) Carpenters memorabilia. That THAT, nasty mugger! 

Additionally, (just to confirm my weirdness) I own a tiny segment of red shag pile 1970's carpet. What's so special about this? Well, it originates from the music room of the former home of the Carpenters in Downey, California. I have a piece of carpet that Karen and Richard Carpenter actually walked on and played their drums (Karen) and keyboards (Richard) on! 

I keep in it my beside table drawer and take it out and stroke it lovingly from time to time. Um, not really. I do keep it in my drawer, but I don't stroke it. That would just be weird. And we've already established that my obsession isn't weird or creepy AT ALL. Ahem. 

The infamous red carpet can be seen in this room . I'm sure if I had one of the
gold albums on the wall it would be worth more!

Truthfully, I don't know what to do with it, but I can't seem to bring myself to throw it out because of the Carpenters connection. Oh well. I'm sure people have kept stranger things. Shut up. 

It would appear that I'm not really a material girl despite living in a material World.  Other than my Carpenters stuff, I have many books, but nothing extremely valuable. I don't really shop until I drop. Unless, it's at Vinnies. After all, what is wrong with being a cheapskate economical? 

Naturally I do have several trinkets and hand made cards from the boys. These were usually made at school or purchased from the Mother's Day stall for a few bucks. But I still have to keep them. They're priceless. Even the rather eye-catching lime green and gold clown figurine Mr 14 gave me when he was only five or so. 

Additionally, at some point we may require a second house to display our collection of soccer trophies. Never having played any sports growing up. this is something I've had to resign myself to. 

So there you have it.  Those are my most treasured items. That is all for today. I must go and stroke my shag carpet. Err... or something...

Linking up for I Must Confess , Open Slather and Mummy Mondays. 


What is your most treasured item?

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On hobbies and why I don't vlog

For many years I have wished that I had different hobbies and interests. My top four desirable interests would be:

• Sport
• Gardening
• Cooking
• Sewing

I feel that if you spend time doing the above activities then at least you have something to show for it. Meanwhile the type of passive things I do make it seem like I'm just a lazy-arsed time-wasting biatch.

These are:

• Reading
• Writing
• Blogging
• Listening to music
• Obsessing over Karen Carpenter
• Mindless web surfing and Facebook scrolling
• Aerobics

The only one that is actually helpful in life is doing aerobics. Yet somehow I never seem to look or act like those annoyingly perky and ripped aerobics instructors. Weird.

Out of all of those desired hobbies I potentially could become interested in cooking. After all, I do love food and eating. It's just that there is a certain level of organisational skill and multi-tasking that is necessary. I do not possess these attributes. Hello, self-diagnosed ADD. The internet doesn't lie, does it?

I have made some tasty chicken soup recently and some other Weight Witchy stuff. But what I really like is: CAKIES. 

However, I won't take up baking. Because if I did bake cakes then I would eat them. ALL of them. I couldn't stop at one. The only way I can avoid temptation is to never have the temptation there in the first place.


What else was I going to say?

Did I mention that I think I have ADD?

Anyway, what I was going to say before I lost my train of thought was, I basically still like all the same things I liked when I was 12.  It's comforting to know I haven't matured beyond a tween. On the other hand, I liked Nanna music (Carpenters), so maybe I was just a really mature 12 year old? Yeah, it must be that. Ahead of my time. Wisdom beyond my years and all that. Yep, totally that. 

Today I was actually supposed to be talking about vlogs. (A vlog is a video blog for the uninitiated). Specifically if I've ever made one. I haven't. Which is interesting, since I call blogging my  hobby. I didn't say I was actually any good at any of these hobbies, did I?

The reasons I've never vlogged are simple:

• I don't know how.
• I'm shy.
• I don't speak much above a whisper.
• I wouldn't know what to talk about.
• I'm strikingly beautiful and it would just make everyone jealous. 

It's possible that I made the last one up. Using possible in the sense of totally clear. Just so we're...um, clear.

However, I will put vlogging on my list of things to do in an attempt to push myself out of my comfort zone and blogging rut.

Not that these posts of me rambling on about nothing aren't totally fascinating and entertaining. Pffffft. Of course they are! It's just that I could mix it up a bit. I could verbally ramble on a video for a change. As soon as I have a personality transplant. To say I'm not particularly chatty in person is a slight understatement. Using slight in the sense of... Um, whatever the opposite of slight is. Huge? 

But getting back to hobbies. I've never been good at any of those desirable hobbies or skills because I'm a daydreamer.  It's not very handy when you're off with the pixies and a ball darts by your vacant face. For some reason, team mates become incensed. Can't think why. It's only a game. Sniff. 

Which leads me to another point. I don't really like any sort of games. Sport games, card games, board games, PS4, XBox, and just games, really. And although I'm a Facebook fan, I don't do Candy Crush or Farmville or any sort of Ville. (Yes, I'm still in Boganville, but shhhhhh, don't tell anyone). No games for this girl. 

Maybe I really am just totally anti-social? Who knows? I'm definitely not the competitive type. So I don't really have any intense urge to win or see the point of it all. Shrugs. 

When it comes to gardening, I think I'm more of an indoors person.  In fact I went outside into the sun yesterday, blinking and confused by the brightness.  I should probably get out more. 

As far as sewing goes, I guess I'm just too impatient and again, inclined to daydream. There was also the infamous Sewing Of The Finger Incident Of 1983 when I was in Year 7. I think it hurt, from my vague memory. Plus, I've always been totally spoiled and pampered by my Mum who rocks the whole cooking and sewing thing. There was no need to do it myself. Ahem. 

But it's all good because I can read, write and blog like a boss. Am I right? Rhetorical question. Please don't answer. I'm also very good at being delusional daydreaming. Winning!

I also know the lyrics to every Carpenters song ever recorded and every intricate detail of Karen Carpenter's life right down to her autopsy report. Yes, I'm deranged. This is baffling because when it comes to celebrities and celebrity gossip I have zero interest. In fact, I have no idea who half of the modern day celebrities and recording artists even are. Did I mention I'm weird? 

Okay, this weirdo is done here for now. 

Linking up for I Must Confess, Open Slather and Mummy Mondays.


Have you ever vlogged? Which hobbies do you wish you enjoyed?

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The Truth About Lies

Today I am talking about lying and deception. Truthfully, I am a terrible liar.  I simply cannot do it. Okay, maybe that was a lie...

I'm sure I've told a few polite little white lies that we all do from time to time.

You know the kind.  You say: Yes, your baby is gorgeous! Meanwhile you're thinking: Doesn't look like a monkey AT ALL. This is completely awful but necessary at times.

As far as telling a despicable or heinous lie, I seriously can't remember ever doing so. If I did try this, I would never be convincing.

There is a theory that people with Asperger's  don't lie or can't lie. I'm not sure if this is true or not. Maybe I'm just a nauseating Pollyanna type. Or perhaps I simply don't have any imagination or acting ability.

Apparently the Aspergian inability to lie is related to impairment in something called Theory of Mind. Also, it is common trait to be blunt and direct, valuing justice and truth. Admittedly, I do not possess this bluntness myself, but I still find it  impossible to lie. 

Naturally, there are certain things I tell myself that don't ring true: just one slice of cake won't hurt and so on. I write complex and detailed To-Do Lists now and again which turn out to be total fiction. Whoops.

I'm not exactly sure how people can live a life of deception. Particularly by having torrid extra-marital affairs. I know I sound very preachy and judgemental, but I just couldn't achieve the complex level of pretence. It's probably my tendency to forgetfulness, but I'd end up being caught in my own web of lies. I just cannot lie. It's a shame really. Because obviously I have offers ALL THE TIME. I've had to leave a string of dejected would-be lovers all sobbing and bereft.

Okay, that IS a lie. There has never been even the remotest chance of me having an affair because nobody has ever even attempted to get their leg over. Not once. HMPH!

Well, there was one creepy old dude with pants up to his armpits who got a bit too close in a crowded lift once. Plus, a crusty old octogenarian who chatted me up briefly at the Community centre where I attended my (off-campus) Tafe course. It's nice to know I've still got it if Mickey Blue Eyes ever decides to trade me in or drop off the perch! FTW!

I suppose I can slightly stretch the truth at times. Especially here on this blog and also by telling Mickey Blue Eyes that an article of clothing is an old favourite I've just dusted off out of the wardrobe instead of brand new. But I might forget to pull the tags off. Sprung. 

I'm sure I've lied by omission. Plus there are the inevitable excuses and fairy tales you end up telling your children. The shops are shut. Those rides at the shops are 'out of order'. And yes, of COURSE Santa is real! 

Maybe I'm not such an angel after all. Oops. 

Perhaps I need some further practice at fibbing. After all, as an introvert there are so many times I need to avoid socialising or small talk. Here are ten excuses to get out of these awkward events:

1. I'm late for an appointment! 
2. I have a terrible throat infection.
3. The kids are sick. (It turns out that having children is quite convenient!)
4. My car is broken down.
5. I already have a prior engagement.
6. My grandmother passed away and I'll be attending a funeral. (One grandmother passed away long before I was born and the other many years ago and I never attended the funeral [it's complicated], but details!) 
7. The kids have sporting commitments.
8. Busy, busy, busy with ongoing renovations and painting of our house. Simply can't have people over. (The fact that our house is in a permanent state of CHAOS [as in Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome] is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT).
9. I'll be out of the country! (Sadly I'm never out of the country, so I have to have this fantasy somehow). 
10. Finally, if all else fails you can always use the good old 'something suddenly came up' excuse from The Brady Bunch. Yes, I've watched all the groovy and high-brow shows.

Of course I'd never be able to pull off any of the above excuses in person. But these days a quick and dodgy old text message makes it so much easier to just glibly lie! Yay for modern technology!

So I think we've all learned something today. We're pretty much all big fat liars and we're lying if we say we never lie. With that, I'll end it here. I'm off to do the house work. Which is a whopper. But you already knew that.

Linking up for I Must Confess.

Can you lie? What's the biggest lie you've ever told? 

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