Hello there gorgeous blog reader! I am delighted that you are back here again.
It's Monday, which always comes after Sunday and before Tuesday. I figured I may as well take my Captain Obvious to the next level. Why not? Rhetorical question...
So anyway, here I am. Back to entertain to you in my typical fashion! Which means that I have absolutely NOTHING to tell you. Not a thing. But that won't stop me! I will proceed to babble on about bugger all for several paragraphs. Right. On with it.
So where were we?
Oh yes, not only is it Monday, it's also October 24th! And you know what that means, don't you? It's just two months until Christmas!
This time last year I was walking around oblivious to the fact that I had cancer. Yikes. Thinking about this macabre fact reminds me of seeing Lawrence Mooney doing stand up on the telly.
He did a spot of black comedy about cancer. The observation went something like this: that you can stub your toe and be doubled over in agony. Meanwhile when you have cancer growing in your body - NOTHING. Not a twinge. Scary, scary shit. And so true, in my experience.
I'm not sure what it is about this time of year, but we seem to like being all dramatic, getting cancer and stuff, conveniently right before Christmas. Aren't we show offs?
Yes, apparently Mickey Blue Eyes got his diagnonsense in October of 2004. So it's always been such a jolly old merry time for us. Yeah, NOT. Which brings me to what I want for Christmas: NOTHING. Meaning, I want this period of time to be extremely boring and uneventful.
Anyway, I expect I should probably start shopping. Every single year I say I am going to be organised and every single year it sneaks up on me. Needless to say, I am not organised AT ALL. Which is slightly embarrassing, after boasting in this post about being organised. Awkward.
Look, I have my own version of being organised. I have such a boring life that it spices things up to live dangerously and leave Christmas shopping until the last minute! It's all part of a plan. A not very well thought through plan, but a plan nonetheless.
For example, last year I was a Christmas shopping NINJA. When I got my diagnonsense on December 4th, I hadn't done any Christmas shopping. So I went out the following Monday the 7th and did all my shopping in one day. Then I had surgery on Thursday December 10th. Winning!
My GP was quite impressed. That I got on with it and did what I had to do. Looking back, I am too.
This may come as a shock, but I'm not exactly the jolliest person at the best of times. So yeah, 2015 wasn't a brilliant Christmas for me. Typically, at this time of year I would be all cynical and bah humbug. But not this year. I don't have to have surgery before Christmas, and chemo in the new year! YAY!
The most exciting thing I want to happen during this period is listening to Carpenters Christmas music. You know, just for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
Yep, we're so organised around here. We currently have no idea what we're doing for Christmas. Usually we have Christmas lunch at my brother and sister-in-law's place. Where ever I am, I will proceed to eat myself into a diabetic coma. SUCH FUN!
As a matter of fact, it suddenly occurs to me that I have started shopping. I have ordered one thing online. See? I told you I was organised! The current status in our family is this: only one boy(Mr almost 8), sorta kinda believes in Santa. He's not totally convinced, but he's clinging to it. Just in case.
Last year I didn't send any Christmas cards, for obvious reasons. Does anyone actually do that anymore? Nope, methinks. Instead they start boring as batshit blogs. Related: this space began because of the silly old Christmas letters I used to send. It's my gift to the world! No, there aren't any refunds or exchanges! RUDE.
Meanwhile, I am seriously considering putting up the Christmas tree early, though, just to get into the spirit. Shit, I really must be ill. This is more serious than cancer, people. I've become one of those people on the left...
Save me!
Linking up for Life This Week.
Also linking up for Open Slather and Mummy Mondays.
Which one are you? Jolly or bah humbug?
Are you ready for Christmas?
Hello Monday, you marvellous creature! It's the start of another week and there is so much to look forward to!
But Mondays suck, I hear you exclaim. That is one way of looking at it. However, I am here to argue that the much maligned Monday has much to offer.
- Every body knows that Monday is usually the day that you start diets. Which means that by around lunch time (or morning tea time) you can look forward to eating your body weight in ALL THE FOOD and abruptly ending the Monday diet madness. Or is that just me?
- It's often a public holiday.
- It makes you appreciate Fridays even more.
- It's the only day of the week that starts with an M, making it unique.
- There are lots of famous songs inspired by Mondays: I Don't Like Mondays, Manic Monday, Rainy Days And Mondays (always get me down...) The fact that they are all negative songs is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.
- Lots of restaurants offer kids eat free deals on Mondays. Since you've already screwed your diet at lunch time, you might as well forget about cooking and go for it.
- You can plan all the things you have to do this week and start ticking them off. Alternatively, you can just tick of the days until the weekend.
- You may have a favourite television show which airs on a Monday. I'm not even sure which shows are on on Mondays. What am I like?
- If Home And Away or Neighbours ended on a cliffhanger on Friday you have all the pent up anticipation of the next episode to look forward to. Surprisingly I don't watch either show. Come to think of it, I don't really watch any shows. Weird.
- The BEST reason of all that Monday ROCKS: It's usually the day I share a new post here on Nessville!!!!!
Admit it, it's the only reason you wake up, right?
Anyway, lets get down to my exciting list of things that are happening in the land of Nessville this week:
Monday
Most likely I will get out of bed. If you are reading this then I have managed it. I will certainly look at Facebook. I will post this blog. It's my gift to the world. Just to make your Monday so much better. You're welcome.
Tuesday
Mickey Blue Eye's birthday is on Tuesday! This of course means one thing: CAKE!!
I also have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I had a routine blood test done last Wednesday. This is just for a check-up for my cholesterol and sugar levels as well as my thyroid. So I'm going back to see how it went. I'm quietly optimistic that it's all good. I haven't received any phone calls. Last time I had a blood test, my GP rang me immediately the next day to tell my that my sugar levels were a concern and I had to have a Glucose Tolerance Test. So far, no phone calls this time around. That has to be a good thing, doesn't it? This Weight Witches thing may be paying off after all. Oh my stars!
Wednesday
I will probably stare into space vacantly after exercising vigorously. At which point I will come to the conclusion that since I just exercised and it still must be some one's birthday somewhere, I can justify having yet more leftover birthday cake. Winning!
Thursday
I will probably have a cup of tea. Actually several cups of tea. I always do.
Friday
I have my monthly weigh-in at Weight Witches. SUCH a glamorous life I lead. At this point I've scheduled in some sulking when all my cake-eating catches up with me. Following this brief period of sulking, I've then scheduled a firm kick up the bum to myself to make myself get back on track. As soon as I figure out how to become a contortionist....
I suppose I could get Mickey Blue Eyes to kick me up the bum. Otherwise, I'll kick HIM up the bum. I mean, it was HIS birthday cake! It's totally his fault that I ate cake! Come to think of it, my Mum and Mr 14 also had birthdays in this past month. More cake! Therefore, it's totally my family's fault for FORCING me to eat ALL THE CAKE. SO rude.
Saturday
Two out of three boys have soccer. I'm sure it will be as thrilling as last Saturday when Mr 6 informed me "We lost 7 - nil, but I scored TWO GOALS!!"
Not exactly sure how that works. I think he inherited his logic from me. So proud.
Sunday
On Sunday I will be sleeping in. There are no other exciting plans. What could be more exciting than sleeping in?
This will conclude an action-packed week. Just in time for another marvellous Monday! Can't wait... Can you?
Linking up for I Must Confess, Open Slather and Mummy Mondays.
Welcome to another glorious Monday! Don't you just love that feeling when you wake up on this most revered of days and the sun is flooding the room with it's mellow rays? Birds are chirruping an enchanting tune outside your window. Your eyes sparkle with uncontained enthusiasm as you fling back the bed covers bursting with joy and energy, ready to start another week?
Yeah, me neither. Farking Mondays. Who invented them, anyway? And I don't even go to work. Ahem. Shut up.
This morning we actually woke up stupendously late and then had to dash about like mad things with motors up our bums. It was most amusing. Unless you were us. In which case it was just plain annoying.
Additionally, the weather is dismal and gloomy. Grey clouds are looming with the promise of more rain. But this rain won't cool things down. It will still be hot and humid. Ridiculous. But I shouldn't complain. Except I just did. Oops. At least I'm not in Queensland, where Cyclone Marcia has wreaked her havoc. I hope everyone up there is keeping safe.
Anyway, without further ado, I now announce that the rest of today is officially cancelled. Of course, as usual I have no authority whatsoever to do this, but that has never stopped me before. DETAILS.
Please note that by the time I get around to actually posting this it will no longer be Monday, rendering all of the above obsolete. Except I have discovered that Tuesday mornings are no better. And all weekday mornings. Even Saturday is about to become fraught with early morning soccer for the boys. So frankly, all mornings suck. The end.
And now, moving on to other pressing matters. Today I am making the monumental confession of my middle name. I know you've spent many hours pondering this, tossing and turning unable to sleep at night without this vital information. I must put you out of your misery. Therefore, I can now announce that my middle name is....
Drum roll, please.....
RAPUNZEL.
Worth waiting for, wasn't it? Quite ridiculous really. Vanessa Rapunzel. Hmmm, it does have a ring to it. I did have really long hair as a child, too. But there's only one problem.
I made that up. It's not really Rapunzel. Had you fooled, didn't I?What? Not for a second? HMPH. You smarty pants.
Fancy a multiple choice quiz? You don't? Too bad, you're getting one anyway!
May I present to you my middle muddled riddle! OK, technically it's not really a riddle, it's a multiple choice question. But why do you have to be so pedantic? I've been reading WAY too many Dr Suess books with Mr 6, so just humour me, OK? My middle name is:
a) Esmerelda
b) Jane
c) Anne
d) All of the above
e) None of the above
If you answered with c, then I WISH you were right. I would love to have Anne with an 'e' as my middle name. But alas, my parents didn't choose any of those names. The correct answer is, of course, e. Tricked you!
The suspense is killing you, right? Or you couldn't less, one or the other. If it's the latter, then we're done here. Click away NOW. See how easy that was? Now that we're rid of the riff raff, I can finally make my stunning revelation.
My middle name REALLY is.....
Bring back that drum roll....
FAYE!
With a totally redundant e on the end! Yay for redundant e's!!
This is exactly the same as my Mum's middle name.
But do you want to know something really funny? Like Mickey Blue Eyes' middle name? It's... wait for it... Raeburn. Snorts. Seriously. It really is. I shouldn't laugh, because it was his grandfather's name or something.
Oh well, who really uses middle names anyway? Only when you fill out forms. In which case you just want something short and simple, so Faye fits that criteria.
And now you will have a blissful nights sleep tonight replete with that fascinating information. You're most welcome.
Stay tuned for the next thrilling update when I reveal something even more earth shattering. As soon as I figure out what it is...
Linking up for I Must Confess.
What's your middle name?
