This is just a quick post to let all of my adoring fans (there must be at least two of you) that I'm taking a bloggy break due to a combination of school holidays, lack of a computer and feeling blah and uninspired. Not that any of this bogan bullshit was particularly inspired in the first place, anyway. Ahem. But I still like to bore you with it, regardless. You're welcome.
So, I guess you'll just have to find a cure for insomnia elsewhere for the time being. Hopefully, I'll be back soon. I think. Maybe. Probably. Most likely.
You can't get rid me of me that easily. How VERY DARE YOU. So ner.
Another Monday has rolled around , Mr 4 had his customary
Monday Morning ‘headache’ otherwise known as Mondayitis,I have another horrid Man Cold since all the
males I live with can’t seem to treat their germs the same as the TV remote and
NOT SHARE, and it’s time for anotherround
of confessing.This week is all about
channelling our inner Billy Fields and confessing all our bad habits. Anyone under 40 and/or not Australian is
probably thinking Billy Who?
This dude, and this song.
Like Billy, I’m afraid I
have far too manyshockingly bad habits.
Negativity
I seem to be a ‘glass half empty’ kind of girl. I don’t know
if this is related to being Aspie or just to being me. Micky Blue Eyes mentions
his fervent desire to just take off to Darwin or just about anywhere, in fact and my train
of thought goes something like “Oh shit, plane travel with 3 kids.
NIGHTMARE.Scorching heat.NIGHTMARE.NO WAY. FUCK THAT.” Versus: "Awesome. A chance to travel in Australia and
spend time with my family."
Procrastination
I seem to live by the motto: Why do today what you can put
off until tomorrow? This seems to worked out well considering that I’m now 42
years old and still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.
Comparisons
I have the extremely helpful gift of constantly
comparing myself with others and finding myself lacking.This is not supremely useful in life. I don’t
recommend it.
Disorganised
This is one trait where I’m totally going to use my Ass
Burgers as an excuse. Because apparently we can be impaired in something called 'Executive Function' which, according to Prof Tony Atwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, is a psychological term which includes:
organisational and planning abilities
working memory
inhibition and impulse control
self-reflection and self-monitoring
time management and prioritising
understanding complex or abstract concepts
using new strategies
Also according to Wikipedia, I can also use it as an excuse for my inability to resist cake! See, I knew it wasn't my fault! Which brings me to my next bad habit...
Over Eating
I eat a lot of cake. And chocolate. And bread.
And…EVERYTHING.
Emotional Eating
I eat more than usual of all of the above when I’m sad or
stressed.
More Eating
Then I just eat some more just for the sake of it.
Did I mention, eating?
Yep, you guessed it, more eating.
General Laziness
I would be completely and utterly shocked and appalled at my own monumental and breathtakinglaziness except that I CAN’T BE BOTHERED. What I can be bothered doing, though is...
EATING! You know, just for something completely different. Then I get depressed that I’m
fat, so I eat some more and get more depressed and more fat and so on…and
basically one way or the other I just need to shut my mouth. Either shut it it
and stop eating quite so much or shut it and stop whinging that I’m fat. Genius.
Quite a few of these habits fall into the area
of ‘blogging’ habits as well as personal.I’m a disorganised, lazy blogger who flies by the seat of my pants and pulls
any ridiculous, tedious rubbish out of my arse at the last minute,just like this crap. You’re welcome. Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.
Since I
already banged on about mindfulness last week and how absolutely brilliant and
fabulous I am with the technique, I figured I would have nothing to rant about
this week for The Lounge. Then, I found myself in a perfectly charming mood for
most of the week. I felt like punching anyone who had the misfortune to glance
sideways at me. Nice. This was when I wasn't feeling all bloated, blah and sooky sooky
la la. Thank you, PM Fucking S. I hate you.
These mood swings persisted for most of the week, until the other day when I was
innocently sitting down minding my business, and BAM! It felt like I’d been
stabbed. Nope, just period pain. Oh, the joys of being a woman.
Which brings me to another joy of being female. Bra's. I am 42 and
I’ve never found a comfortable one yet. I’m beginning to think that using the
word bra and comfortable in the same sentence is an oxymoron.
While I am
here whinging away, I may as well whine about the weather. It’s COLD. I have to
put up with freezing my tits off for at least another 2 months before I can
begin whinging that it’s TOO HOT!! Hmph.
What else
can I whinge and rant about? Oh yeah, yesterday I had Mr 9’s Parent/Teacher
interview. I don’t know what it is about these things that make me feel like I’m
a little girl at school again, being chastised by the teacher for reading
myEnid Blyton book under the desk when
I was supposed to be working. Not that I ever did that. Nope. No way. Ahem.
The teacher
mentioned that Mr 9 often doesn’t complete his homework. Yeah, there’s a reason
for that. He sometimes needs my help and I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT. Year3Homework. THE SHAME.
Why does
homework have to be so freaking complicated? And why is there so quite so much
of it? I sent my kids to school instead of home schooling them so I didn't have to deal with this stuff. In fact, I can’t even believe
there are people who would seriously consider that as an option. I mean, of
course I admire it think it’s sheer insanity, but I couldn’t do it myself.
What's that? I'm a lazy arsed bogan? Well, duh. EXACTLY. I need the freaking teachers to do all that shit for me. It's not like my boys will learn much from me other than Advanced Cake Eating Skills. I've got that covered.
Of course, being such a lazy arsed bogan, I left it until the last minute to come up with this post (so far, it's been worth the wait, right?) then Thursday rolled around and it was time for The Lounge link up and I had nothing prepared, when I woke up feeling all dizzy and nauseous without even having had a single drink the nigh t before! What is with that?
But then, this morning, I had the house to myself, as Micky Blue Eyes had taken the car to be checked for rego and Mr 4 was at my parents house. After dutifully trudging up to the school with Mr 11 and 9, I then came home, happily made myself a coffee and sat down, in glorious silence, thinking I would be able to do some blog posts in peace. Wrong.
The computer DID NOT WORK. I spent hours fucking around unplugging and re-booting it, swearing at it and feeling like throwing it. Now it appears to be working, but who knows how long that will last.
Another
thing which had me peeved this week, was when I decided to dye my hair. Ibought one of those new foamy ones. It was
super easy to apply. The only problem was, it has a very strong perfume, so
naturally, because I am super sensitive to such things, by the time I went to
bed later that night I had a pounding headache. Which pisses me off, because it
probably means I can’t use it again and it wasso much easier than the other messy, drippy dyes and having to cling wrap
my head. Hmph. DOUBLE HMPH, EVEN.
I know. That doesn't make sense, but when do I ever make sense? Plus, I used the word 'rambling' in the title, so that should have been a give away that this post would be a heap of rambling CRAP. You knew you what you were getting yourself into right there, okay? So, I'm not going to apologise for the few minutes of your life you'll never get back after reading this drivel. Oh, alright. SORRY. Better luck next time. I might come up with something readable. Not promising anything, however.
Hello there! I am linking up this old post for Life This Week. The one where I took the piss out of being mindful. Then I got cancer and suddenly shit got real and I had to start taking this stuff seriously... But that's another story.
Anyway here are my rantings from 2013. Enjoy.
As a general
rule I am usually quite placid and easy going. Consequently it does take rather
a lot to really piss me off. So therefore I knew I was going to find this topic
extremely difficult. Not much truly
riles me. I am languid and sedate. Especially now, as I am slowly becoming
proficient at this whole mindfulness marlarkey, you see. So even that barking
dog next door, barely ruffles a reaction in me. I am focused in the present
moment with impartial non-judgement. I won’t let it bother me. Nope. No way. It’s
just a dog barking. ENDLESSLY. Big deal, right?
Similarly,
that mountain of lego that seems to multiply and spread to every corner of the
house, is justlego. Silly old lego. EVERYWHERE. I’ve lost count of the amount of
times I’ve trodden on it.The hours that
it takes to painstakingly make sure every single last piece of the crap, erm..
I mean, the lego, is off the floor before you can vacuum, is just another part
of life. Impartial non-judgement. Yep, that’s me these days. I get it. It’s neither good nor bad. It just is. Doesn’t
bother me AT ALL.If I miss a few pieces
and therefore inadvertently vacuum them up, so what? It only means the vacuum
cleaner will become blocked LOSE SUCTION AND I HAVE TO FUCK AROUND TAKING IT
OUTSIDE AND TAKING IT APART TO SEE WHERE THE PIECE IS STUCK…but, oops, why am I
shouting? Sorry.Back to the mindfulness. Breathe. It’s no big
deal. This mindfulness is really the SHIZZ. Totally works.
If I slave
over a hot stove cooking a wonderful meal for my family only to serve it up to
three ungratefulbastards lovely boys who recoil in horror as if
I had served them dog shit on toast, why should I let it get to me?Especially if, at that precise moment, Micky
Blue Eyes decides to talk to me about something accountant like and tedious
important, saying something like “Blah blah blah spreadsheet, blah blah blah
profit margins blah blah something blah blah”(or at least that’s what I hear),
it doesn’t make me want to poke my own eyeballs out. No way. I’m too calm and
centred for that.
I can sit
down to have a cakie and it doesn’t annoy me that it’s bad for me, while boring
old broccoli is extremely good for me. Because I’m eating mindfully, so that means I’ll be able to stop after a few
mouthfuls. Somehow the whole cake is gone with those few mindful mouthfuls,
though. Ahem. Details.
I am totally
grounded and centred in the moment. NOTHING bothers me anymore. Now that I am
mindful the following things simply never annoy me AT ALL:
·Waiting in queues.
·Vague Facebook status updates.
·Sales assistants who are nowhere to
be seen when you need them, but fling the curtains back to the change rooms
while hollering “How are you going in there?” when you are half naked.
·My boys endless fascination with
Spiderman and all superheroes.
·Ditto their Harry Potter fascination.
·The Voice judges and all of their
phoney gushing over the contestants. When Ricky Martin says “you took me to
another place” I no longer think, well why don’t you go to that place and stay
there, Ricky? Nope. No way.
·Having to share a computer.
·Making a doctor’s appointment and
STILL having to wait.
·Making a doctor’s appointment at 8am
for the first appointment to avoid the previously mentioned waiting and STILL
WAITING.
·The gross unfairness of male grooming
and maintenance versus female grooming and maintenance.
·Telemarketers.
·Bra’s.
Yep,
mindfulness has cured me of all of all that annoyance. What a relief Sigh.
So when I went to see a shrink, riddled with
crippling anxiety and she suggested this mindfulness crap technique and gave me
a cd, which I listened to and some dude implored me in a flat monotone to just
let my thoughts drift past like leaves on a stream, it didn’t totally annoy me
that I paid $150 bucks an hour for this ABSOLUTE FUCKING CRAP!!! LEAVES ON A
FUCKING STREAM!! I’M MORE LIKELY TO IMAGINE MYSELF THROWING THE FUCKING CD AT
YOU!!FUCKING MINDFULNESS!! GIVE ME SOME
FUCKING VALIUM AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!YOU TOO, YOU FUCKING STUPID BARKING DOG!! FUCKING SHUUT UUUUUUUUUUUP!
AHEM.
Good lord.
Where did that come from? Oh dear. Right
then, I’m off to practice watching my thoughts drift past like leaves on a
stream. Or, to kick something. One or the other.
What are
your pet peeves? Do you 'get' mindfulness?
Today I have the tedious task of bringing to you my favourite books, movies and songs. I say tedious because this list will most likely be extremely short, boring and predictable.
Once again, I will totally lose some bogan cred when I confess that I have never even read the 50 Shades Of Grey trilogy. Is it even a trilogy? No idea. I know. Shocking, right? How can I call myself a bogan?
Likewise, I've never touched any of the Twilight series or The Hunger Games either.
My love of books began predictably enough with good old smashing Enid Blyton. It was quite a shock to discover that the woman who created The Magic Faraway Tree, The Famous Five series and many other books, all of which I devoured as a child, was, in fact, rather horrid in real life and not the sweet, whimsical person one would have imagined. Sigh. I guess that is why we love escaping into fiction. Reality SUCKS.
Following my escapades up The Faraway Tree, where I seem to have permanently left my brain, I read Anne Of Green Gables and the whole 'Anne' series. A new obsession began. She made me proud to be a ranga. And proud to wear puffed sleeves. Shut up. It was the 80's.
But surely my most overwhelming book obsession came in the early 90's with the publication of an authorised biography about The Carpenters called The Carpenters: The Untold Story by Ray Coleman. I read it a few billion times. This was riding on the coat tails of a similar obsession with a God awful made for TV movie about Karen Carpenter, imaginatively titled The Karen Carpenter Story.
One of the most curious things about that TV movie, apart from the absurd amount of times I was able to watch it, was the fact that they had apparently gone to extraordinary lengths to ensure that certain details in the film were supposedly accurate, so they had used The Carpenters real clothes, instruments, cars and filmed certain scenes in their real home. Then, after doing all that, the actress who played Karen, Cynthia Gibb, wore the most ridiculous, fake looking wigs throughout. Weird. Yet I watched. Then I watched it again. And again. Just as I had read that Coleman bio again and again. Maybe I was hoping it would end differently if I read it just one more time. Nope. She still died in the end. Every. Single.Time. *sobs*
Bad wig alert. As well as bad acting, bad script..and a truly
bad ending. Sigh.
Then, in 2010 yet another bio about Karen came along which emphasised how much the previous Ray Coleman one, (and The Karen Carpenter Story) had been sugar coated and white washed. I realised that I had readthe previous book so many times looking for something that wasn't there. What Karen was really like. I felt like I got that from this book, so it's now my new favourite.
Which brings me to my favourite songs. You'll never guess in a million years what they are. No way. Okay, I'll tell you.
Carpenters ones. What a shock.
I love this live performance of Rainy Days And Mondays. And weren't the 70's groovy?
Oh okay, their songs were a bit cheesy. But, THE VOICE. Except this one. Cutting edge stuff.
The song. The accompanying film clip, with all the planets and spaceships that make Star Wars look like Pigs In Space. The green satin jump suit. Classic. Shut up.
I also love Barbra Streisand songs and movies. Which is odd, because I don't really like people particularly, or think that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. Not really. People are the WORST. I'll still listen to Le Babs sing it, though. Nothing but the best for this bogan.
Hello! I'm Ness. Mum of three, Karen Carpenter obsessed nerd and quiet, shy, Aspergirl. Usually found in my own little World...Which is why I invented one. Thanks for stopping by!
