A is for absent,
because I always seem to be absent from this space lately. Oops. I’m an absent-minded sort of person as well. A
is also for Asperger’s which I was diagnosed with at age 40 in 2011.
B is for boring as batshit. I’m even boring myself with this
blog let alone anyone else which is why I’ve been so conspicuously absent. B is
also for my three boys aged 12 (almost 13), 10 and 5, who are anything but
boring.
C is for cake and Carpenters: my two obsessions. C is also
for classy. Clearly I am. Classy, that
is. Shut up.
D is for daydreaming because I’m constantly ‘off with the
pixies’ and a space cadet.
E is for effort. I find everything in life to require monumental effort while I’d much rather be daydreaming while eating cake and listening to the Carpenters. It’s weird that people won’t pay you do so. Hmph. E is also for exercise endorphins. I have to force myself to do the former daily in order to achieve the latter. An even louder HMPH! . Did I mention effort? Why can’t you get endorphins by sleeping?
E is for effort. I find everything in life to require monumental effort while I’d much rather be daydreaming while eating cake and listening to the Carpenters. It’s weird that people won’t pay you do so. Hmph. E is also for exercise endorphins. I have to force myself to do the former daily in order to achieve the latter. An even louder HMPH! . Did I mention effort? Why can’t you get endorphins by sleeping?
F is for forgetful. In fact, the only reason I’ve survived
on this planet for 43 and a half years is because eating is the one thing
I don’t forget. Which brings me to the
other F: FOOD. Some people eat to live,
I live to eat. I mentioned that I was classy.
H is for hope. I’m hoping I’ll come up with something
interesting. Nope. Sorry.
I is for Infertility. Unbelievably now, there was a time
when I thought I’d never be a mother. My boys were all miracle babies. I is
also for Introvert. I take introversion to a whole new level. I’m so introverted that I make other introverts seem like loud, exhibitionist extroverts. At least I'm good at something. Thanks to Susan Cain we’re all the rage now. Introverts are awesome and all that. So ner to all you
lowly extroverts.
J is for the juxtaposition of two of my favourite things. Read on...
K is for Karen. Carpenter, of course. I sort of like her a
bit. Ahem. I realise this is just repeating part of C but I couldn’t think of
anything else for K, okay? It’s ironic that two of my favourite things are food
and the World’s most famous anorexic but I like to mix things up. This is what I was referring to above with the whole juxtaposition thing. I'm not really sure if that's a word to be honest but it sounds impressive.
L is for Lego, the evil nemesis in my life. This Cancer of
toys seems to multiply and spread to every corner of my house while I run
around trying fruitlessly to keep it one area. Sigh.
M is for Micky Blue Eyes because I should probably give him
a mention seeing as we are coming up to our 19th anniversary later
this year.
N is for noise which I don’t like very much. N is also for
Ness which is what most people call me and led to the title of this blog. I’m
so original.
0 is for original. See ‘N’ above.
P is for People, those weird, scary creatures. I find them
simultaneously fascinating and terrifying. But, as Barbra testifies, people who
make people are the cluckiest people in the world. Or something. Therefore, I’m
glad I made my little ‘tribe’ of people where I belong.
Q is for quiet. I have always been quiet. If I had a dollar
for the amount of times I’ve heard expressions like: “You’re the quietest
person I’ve ever met!” or “You should come out of your shell!” I would be
richer than Gina Rinehart. My greatest
skill is the impressive ability to just shut right up. This is a skill that
more people should consider developing. Shut up. Literally. It’s not that hard.
I do it all the time.
R is for reading. I’ve always been a book worm. I’m happier
with a bag full of dollar books from Vinnies than a closet full of designer
clothes or shoes. R is also for ranga. I am one. The fact that I need a
little..erm..’help’ (hair dye) to remain one these days is completely
irrelevant.
S is for scotch which is a favourite drink.
T is for tea which is my favourite non-alcoholic drink.
U is for unicorn because I am a majestic unicorn. This meme
says so. So ner. See also: R
V is for Vanessa because it’s my name obviously. Duh.
Everyone calls me Ness, though. Except Mick and my parents who’ve stuck with
the Vanessa thing. The boys call me Mum when they’re not calling me other things. Apparently Mum originally wanted to call me
Rachel or Rebecca but Dad wasn’t as keen. They briefly decided on the name
Monique until Mum saw Vanessa Redgrave in the movie Camelot and thought she and
her name were beautiful. Therefore I became a Vanessa. Thankfully, as I don’t
think I look like a Monique but I look exactly like a young, beautiful Vanessa
Redgrave. The resemblance is uncanny really.
Me |
Vanessa Redgrave. It's like we're twins... |
W is for weird. I’m quite weird. But you already knew that.
X is for x-ray. I’ve had one or two in my time which isn’t
very interesting but I’ve never played a Xylaphone so that’ll have to do.
Y is for “Y’s a crooked letter and Z’s no better!” which is
something my Mum used to say to my brother and I when we were children in reply
to our constant round of “Why’s?”
Z is for the sound of everyone snoring by this point. My
cure for insomnia is now complete. You’re welcome.
Linking up belatedly with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.