To be perfectly honest with you I know NOTHING. In fact, I
know a whole lot of nothing about absolutely NOTHING. I’m a nothing expert, if you will. Just what
the World needs. Especially with all
these ProBlogger posts circulating the blogosphere about ‘useful’ content.
Meh.
Instead, I bring to you a completely useless post
about, you guessed it: NOTHING! You’re welcome.
I know that I am frightfully hungry right now and uncertain
whether to plunge ahead with that trusty meal we tend to call lunch. You see,
my parents mentioned that they would be calling in and I fondly imagined that this might coincide with lunch as it has at other times. But they haven’t appeared as
yet. Which is extremely rude, as I expected them to provide the lunch.
HMPH.
(Mum, I’m joking if you’re reading
this!) Oh who am I kidding? Of course she's reading this! Nobody else does. Sniff.
I know that I’m in a rather wistful, dreamy, reflective mood
today. You know, as opposed to all the other days when I’m alert, efficient and
organised. Not to mention delusional. Shut up. We weren’t supposed to mention
that!
I know that I have at least attempted to become alert, efficient and
organised. In the last few months I have started developing a habit of writing
down a to-do list and ticking it off. I know! Ground breaking! I’ve always been
cutting edge.
Anyway, despite my forays
into list-making, there is no discernible evidence of this unique endeavour. My
house still resembles a war-zone with no end of things to-do in sight. This is
most disheartening. What I would like to know is: how do people receive
pay-offs from house-keeping and organising? I suppose they are just better at
it than me. Bloody show-offs.
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This ticking off lists is starting to tick me off. I want
pay-offs! After all, if I’ve gone to the
astonishing effort of doing and completing five million things in a day, I
expect fan-fare: crowds cheering, balloons and celebratory champagne. Plus, a million dollars in cold hard cash,
thanks very much.
If Kim Kardashian can demand buckets of cash just for turning
up to an event with her large arse and even larger attitude, I don’t see why I,
a modest house wife, shouldn’t be able to demand the same.
I consistently turn up
in my own ramshackle home, with my large arse, and make a lacklustre attempt
at maintaining some semblance of disorder. I mean, where is the justice?
On a
side note, isn't ‘ramshackle’ a most delightful word? It’s almost worth having
a ramshackle home, just so that I can confidently use the word ‘ramshackle’. Dilapidated and dishevelled would also work
here.
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Who wants to have a home that could only be described as ‘perfect’when
you can have one that is ramshackle, dilapidated and dishevelled? Everybody?
Oh. As you were, then.
I still stand by the above words. And live with them. In them? Whatever.
You
know how I mentioned that I was frightfully hungry a few paragraphs ago. It
would appear that I am now ravenous. I may have to go to all the effort of making
my own lunch. Shocking.
Related: when Micky Blue Eyes asks me ‘What are you
having for lunch?’ what he really means is ‘Make me lunch’. As I typed that he did make his own toast.
But none for me. Grounds for divorce really, if you ask me.
In other
astounding news, it’s raining! Why not? Just for something COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT.
Oh well, I guess I had better go and have lunch and tick it off my
list. Of course it’s on my to-do list!
Breakfast, lunch AND dinner! That way, at least I know I’ll definitely tick
three things off my list of five million. Winning!
Linking up with Ann at Help!! I'm Stuck!! for Things I Know.
What's ticking you off? What things do you know?
