Sweating As A Skill

This week’s I Must Confess topic is confessing to any skills or talents I may have. I must admit that when I read this topic I was rather dismayed. I don’t have any skills or talents, I thought forlornly, as weepy violin music swelled in the background. What the hell will I write? I am a great big vacuum of mediocrity. Not exactly truly great or truly terrible at anything.  Oh wait….

I am worse than terrible at many things. In fact, I could write a comprehensive bullet point list of  The Things I’m Terrible At. Because what is a blog post without the ubiquitous bullet list?

Things I’m Terrible At

• Sport – particularly team sports or anything with balls in it *shudders*.
• Small talk – or, you know, just talking. Period.
• Maths – the thought of doing any of those Sudoku things is terrifying.
• Cooking – unless toast counts as cooking. It does right? Ahem. Truthfully, this is possibly a talent I could develop, especially cooking cakies. The problem with this is that it would lead to the eating of the cooked cakies, something I need to less of, not more of, so I figure it’s better to avoid the temptation.
• Sewing – when I did Textiles, or whatever  it’s called, in Year 7, I sewed my own finger. Enough said.
• Art – I really can’t paint or draw. Well, I can – stick figures. This is totally my brother’s fault. He stole all the artistic genes instead of leaving some for me. Hmph.
• Music – can’t play any instrument. From time to time I have had the delusion fanciful notion that I may be able to sing a little if I’d ever learnt to sing in my own comfortable range instead of attempting to channel Karen Carpenter. Impossible. Since I can never sing in front of people regardless, clearly Adele and Susan Boyle have nothing to fear from this bogan.
• Dancing – Two left feet. No co-ordination or sense of rhythm AT ALL. Awkward and self-conscious as fuck. Forget it.
• Craft – however, craft is evil so I’m terribly distressed by this one.
• Acting – I’m never destined to win an Academy Award. It may be a Asperger’s thing but my face is usually blank and expressionless no matter what emotion I may be feeling internally. Meryl Streep can rest assured – her job is safe. 

 After completing that woeful list I’m feeling a tad despondent. There must be something I’m good at. Maybe I just don’t know what it is because I rarely try doing new things. Using ‘rarely’ in the sense of ‘never’.  All the cool people seem to be into crochet these days. I’ve thought about giving it a go. This thought usually lasts about 2.3 seconds. 

In order to finish this post with at least a shred of dignity I’m going to claim one dubious thing as a ‘talent’ or ‘skill’. For the last few weeks I’ve exercised every single day. I’ve done so without any expensive gym membership or personal trainer. Take THAT Michelle Bridges. I’ve just dutifully put on a DVD (okay, at least one of them featured Michelle Bridges) or a Youtube clip and became sweaty.

That’s something, right? Shut up. I’m saying it is. So ner!

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

                                             What are your skills or talents?