Potted History

Hello! How are you? The Happy Writing Book said to write drivel so here I am! It's been a while. Here's a potted history of what I've been up to. 

December 2022

We set off on one of our infamous road trips to the most fascinating of places. So fascinating in fact, that I have forgotten exactly which country town it was. Something beginning with B? That narrows it down I'm sure. The motel we stayed at was not exactly five star. Unlike all the other luxury motels we stay in. Snort. At least there was a lovely park nearby.

 

 

Side note: turns out it was Armidale. Oops. Sorry Armidale. You are very nice with lots of pretty churches. See below. 

On Christmas Day we drove and drove past tiny towns. Emmaville. Deepwater. Through shop lined desolate streets. Past an old post office, court house, Chinese restaurants and a bakery all brandishing CLOSED signs. Then we stopped at the Mother Of Ducks Lagoon. 

The ducks must have been over the hill and faraway. We only saw butterflies. Plus some raucous youths reveling in their backyard. They were definitely in the  Christmas spirit. Did I mention it was Christmas day? 

We drove to a park, pulled up under some trees and ate slapped together roast chook sandwiches. Christmas lunch sorted! A four wheel drive pulled up nearby. A man alighted with a dog. He unhooked his bike from the back and whizzed around the park, the dog bounding behind him. The breeze caressed us. We drank sour lukewarm wine from plastic cups and didn't care.
Mickey Blue Eyes meandered down to the river, returning with a grim expression.  

"I can only say one thing about the dude with the dog - he's an asshole," he said. 

Apparently the dude had been swearing at the dog and yanked him by the neck back into the vehicle. It was at this point that I wondered if you could arrested for kidnapping a dog. But they were gone before I could save him,  and I really hope Timmy is OK. I mean, I don't know if that's his real name, he just reminded me of Timmy from The Famous Five so I shall think of him as such. This also allows me to believe he escaped from Mr Asshole and is safely back with George and the gang.

We checked in to our (pleasant this time) motel in Tenterfield. The WiFi wasn't great however, so we watched movies old school style on the TV attached to the wall. Mrs Doubtfire, Shrek and Beethoven. It was kinda nice and wholesome for a change. Like reverting back to ye olde days of childhood. You know? 

The next day Mr 14 had a mission.  A slushee*. Or is it slurpee?

We set off on another expedition. Winding roads, old houses, shops still screaming SHUT. I had a snooze** and when I woke up we had crossed the border into Queensland. Once again there were no op shops but I did stroll around a few 'junk' shops. Kitsch and surplus Christmas decorations 50% off! No thanks. I didn't even bother putting my tree up because we were going away. 

Driving again. We pass a town called Ballandean and find a servo that has a bakery attached. Coffee and cakies sound inviting. A slushee remains elusive. Surely Queensland in summer is the prime market for such an item? 

There was an elderly couple at the next table, the husband buried behind an expansive Sydney Morning Herald. Not for the first time I puzzled over how people managed to read those things back in the day on trains and tiny Cafe tables. But they did! 

The lady had a tote bag with the slogan:

It's not hoarding if it's books. 

I suspected we had a lot in common because I have a tote bag that says: 

My workout is reading in bed until my arms hurt.

But I am not someone who can insert themselves into a conversation so I smiled and said nothing. 

(Honestly, how do people do it? I legit want tips!)

Our next stop was Girraween National Park. It was warm but not unbearable. We had a bit of a bush walk and took some photos. See below. 

On the way back we had milkshakes at a lovely chocolate place I've forgotten the name of.

Side note: It was Heavenly Chocolates. 

From Tenterfield we made our way to Inverell. There were no op shops open which was extremely sad and tragic. Serendipity smiled upon me in the form of a second hand book and record store. Blissful browsing ensued and I emerged with three books. A dismal effort indeed for this bibliophile. The fact that as of this writing I have only read one out of three is utterly inconsequential. Three is an unacceptable uneven number and in future book shopping endeavours I will be rounding it up to a solid dozen. So yeah, 20 books are now on their way...

Back to Inverell.

The next day Mickey Blue Eyes dropped me off in town and I had a marvellous time browsing in the Legacy Op Shop and a few other dollar shops. Then a quick dash to the bakery because country town bakeries are the best! There were a few pub and club meals along the way and before you know it we were homeward bound. The dogs were delighted to greet us. They were well looked after by Mr 21 and 19 but missed their regular car trips to the park! 

January was also my birthday month. In the tradition of class and elegance you would expect from us we celebrated with a meal at the RSL.

  

January also included a fun girls day out in Umina. Cocktails and fish tacos FTW! 

February 

Ella Trixie Bella had her birthday in February. She has been a part of the family for over a year now. We caught up with some mates at the Ettamogah Pub. It was frightfully expensive and the food was terrible but it was lovely to catch up with everyone. We discovered that our friends were planning a trip to Japan. The closest Mickey Blue Eyes and I will get to Japan is visiting the Japanese gardens at Nurragingy Reserve. Practically the same thing if you think about it. Sniff. 

Well, at least I have learnt a new skill even if that skill is gaslighting myself. Winning!

March 

March meant birthday wishes for Mr now 19 and more of Mickey Blue Eyes' Sunday drives to the Blue Mountains and the beach. Gotta mix it up a bit. 

April 

In April I went to Wagga Wagga and Tumut with my mum. Highlights were op shops (duh) and pub lunches practically every day!

May

May was a mundane uneventful month. I did receive a parcel from my beautiful friend Posski and, oh my stars! She sent me some Bewitched leggings! I love them but the nose twitching doesn't seem to be working. Probably a good thing. I reckon if I were a witch I'd be more of an aunt Clara or Esmarelda type than Samantha or Endora. Though I do plan on being called Grandmama should the situation ever occur. 

June 

Whoah. Mid year already! Mind. Blown.
I am busy with work, working a few extra days here and there. Mr 21 and 19 are now gainfully employed. Mr 14 is in year 9. Chandler and Ella are adorable. Mickey Blue Eyes made me lunch AND dinner the other day so I reckon I'll keep him.

Sunday before last weekend I met up with Denyse from Denyse Whelan blogs for cakies and coffee for the first time! It was lovely to meet a bloggy friend in person. 

July and August will mean more birthdays. And of course, cake! 

Hopefully another offbeat adventure will be on the horizon at the end of the year. That's about it for now. So as Mickey Blue Eyes likes to say: Take it easy and I'll catch up with you later! 

Until next time,

Ness 

PS 

*He got a slushee! Slurpee? Still don't know, but he got one eventually!

**Mickey Blue was driving obviously!  

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How To Rock A Road Trip

Hello dear people! Welcome to another marvellous Monday! Or perhaps I should say mind-blowing Monday. You see, I have some astonishing information and wisdom to impart.

Did you know that it's exactly one year since the 28th of September 2014???!!! Or am I the only one who spotted that? I am known for my genius like abilities after all.


Furthermore, it's approximately one year since I brought to you some ground breaking life hacks in this post. Well, technically one year and six days, but details!

No doubt this advice has been utterly life-changing for you. Therefore I feel it is only fair to share with you some more of my sage advice and insights.

In no particular order here are some random life hacks/thoughts and advice- Ness style pertaining to road trips. I've just come back from one so I'm an expert! 

Be sure to read until the end for my FREE BONUS TIP!!!! This is an exclusive offer and will expire in approximately eleven billionty days!! Or actually never, but details. Besides, my blog is always free because as outrageous as it seems no one will actually pay me to write drivel on the internet. I know, right? So rude!

Anyway, here is the moment you've been waiting for.

Road Trip Life Hacks - Ness Style

• Packing is stupid. You will always forget stuff and/or over pack. The only thing to do is to take a fuck it attitude and decide that there will probably be shops wherever you are headed, so you can buy whatever you forget. Unless you holiday in some remote area of the world, in which case you're probably crazy anyway so I can't help you. Oh yeah, and make lists in the first place. List do help. Sort of. Unless you have the uncanny ability to lose lists and panic and agonise over what should go on it and... Yeah,whatever. Stick with the shops thing.  

• You will not actually explode and die if you are ever, for instance, in a motel in Wagga Wagga with dodgy Wi-Fi and consequently cannot get internet access. This will be a good thing. It will force you to go outside into the sunshine and socialise with people and read books. Actual books. Remember those? Speaking of books, you simply must go on a book shopping spree! At Vinnies (or similar op shop). They have ones the size of football fields in these country towns and everything is so cheap and nasty you can buy enough to fill a truck. In fact, you may need an actual truck to transport it all home, but like I say - DETAILS! 

• While on holidays you must avoid whatever makes you fat. See above. You will eat all the food. ALL. THE. FOOD. And drink all the scotch/wine/gin/vodka/whatever you fancy. This is why elastic waisted clothes were invented. No amount of walking will eradicate this damage. By all means walk, just don't expect any reward for it other than fresh air and/or sunshine.

• Sleeping in the car during a long road trip isn't very refreshing. You just wake up all dazed and confused and in the twilight zone with a dodgy neck into the bargain. But do it anyway. It's better than being the driver. Ahem.

• Children will never get sick of eating Maccas. Meanwhile you will feel nauseous at the sight or mere thought of those golden arches. Children will delight in these holidays as an opportunity to thrive on a steady junk food diet. I suppose you can't blame them. After all there is not much else to keep them entertained. See above point re dodgy WiFi. There is nothing you can do about this either. Just go with it and enjoy not cooking for a while.

• If you're like me and that glamorous modelling career you dreamt of didn't exactly pan out, there's probably a reason for that. Don't bother packing make-up and hair straighteners and co-ordinated outfits. Just go for comfort and practicality. And warmth. Especially if you're in Wagga Wagga. Jumpers and coats are your friend. Those crazy people walking around in shorts and t-shirts are exactly that. Batshit crazy.

If this miracle never occurs at home, it certainly won't occur
on holidays. Give up.

Congratulations! You're now infinitely wiser with my help. You're welcome. And now, just because I'm so generous here is my promised free bonus tip:

• When you arrive home you will inevitably have shit tonnes of unpacking and washing to do and have to get back into domesticity pronto. So my advise is:  Listen to podcasts or music while you pretend you're doing housework/washing to make it less tedious. I'm positive you would never have thought of this avant garde and mysterious tip without me. Shut up. Done.

Stay tuned until this time next year for more of my wisdom and life hacks. I'm heading into my 45th year and becoming more and more wise each day. Or is that wide? Oh well. Whatever. See you on the road!

Linking up with Kirsty, Alicia and Eva.

Have you been on any road trips lately?

Do you have any road trip life hacks?  

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Escape From Boganville: It's Controversial (Not Really)

The weekend before last I managed to escape from Boganville.  I have barely managed this in 42 years except for the odd holiday here and there. Born and bred bogan. That's me. Classy. Naturally if an opportunity arises to escape from here, I would wish to visit somewhere glamorous and exciting. A faraway place bursting with culture and sophistication. Luckily, this place fitted all the above criteria. Two words.

Wagga Wagga. Or is it one word repeated? Whatever.

This exciting escape presented itself to me when my Mum mentioned she was heading there to surprise my aunt for her 70th birthday. I figured I'd tag along. It was decided that I would go with my parents and Mr 9 and 4. Micky Blue Eyes and Mr 12 already had a Darwin adventure planned for the following week.

The plan was that myself and the boys would sleep over at my parents house on the Thursday so we could leave early on Friday morning, stopping at Maccas for breakfast and returning the following Monday. So it was that I slept in my old bedroom with Mr 9 and 4, which is still painted a delightful  shade of peach However, most of my Queen Anne bedroom ensemble has disappeared with only the beside table remaining. The room now sports two beds, a 'king' single and a single. Therefore I spent a relaxing night in the King single cuddled up to Mr 4.

I woke up early.The boys were still blissfully asleep having been up late the previous night chattering away. Finally I had to wake them.  Pointlessly, I called to them to wake up. Nothing. I tried again.  Still nothing. There was only one thing to do.

"Wake up! It's time to go to Macca's! Do you want to go to Macca's?" I shouted.

Two sets of eyes shot open. "YES!" they chorused.

They were up and dressed in record time. And we were on the road. Which isn't very interesting to write about. We passed the time playing Eye Spy. Mr 4 wanted to control the whole game, which resulted in him and his brother fighting. Quite a relaxing way to spend a car journey. NOT. Eventually they dozed off for a while and we made it to Maccas at Goulburn. I've never seen two boys devour hot cakes and hash browns so fast. Anybody would think I never feed them. I do. Sometimes. I can't help it if that bloody Dinner Fairy never shows up! Shut up.

Hours later we arrived in Wagga and found our motel. Unfortunately our room was upstairs. Unfortunate because LAZY. Once again, shut up.

The plan was to head over to my cousin's house and surprise my aunt which we did. She was surprised but delighted to see us. We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and drinking endless cups of tea. I worked out that it had been roughly 8 years since I'd seen my cousin and she'd never seen Mr 4 (soon to be 5). The sooner somebody invents one of those beaming up devices the better. Come on inventors it's 2013 already!

I won't bore you with every tiny detail of the weekend because it might sound like all we did is eat, drink and talk. Which we did. Is there a problem with that? Ahem. A wonderful time was had by all and we made it back home on Monday.

At this point you may have noticed that there is nothing remotely controversial about this post at all. And every one of my other posts. I  have to confess, I don't really do controversy. Instead, I do a lot of blahing. It's totally a verb, okay? I should know because it's what I do quite frequently. Feel a bit blah about everything and anything. Spend a minute, hour, day blahing. But I am trying to be a bit less 'blah'. But I have to confess it is most decidedly uphill work. When you have a tendency to 'blah' trying not to is a bit like pushing shit uphill while wading through quicksand. But I digress.

In fact when I saw this on The Lounge's FB wall I figured I should probably quit blogging.

I don't really do any of those things. Other than maybe giving people a bit of chuckle from time to time. And tweeting Can't really say my tweets are Earth shattering, though. Especially after spending a whole day a few days ago tweeting Carpenters lyrics while everyone else was tweeting inspirational #pbevent stuff. Sigh.  But that was one of the reasons I figured I could get away with it. Nobody was paying attention to me because they were all at that ProBlogger thingy. Ahem.

Plus, who says Carpenters songs aren't inspirational? At least one of them encourages the listener to:

"Sing, song a song! Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear! Just sing, sing a song!"

So, I may as well apply the same theory to my blog  regardless of the lack of controversy or cutting edge posts. I'm just going to:

Blog! Blog a post! Don't worry that's it's not good enough for anyone else to read! Just blog! Blog a post!

Everybody join in!

LA LA LA LA LA! LA LA LA LA LA LA! LA LA LA LA LA LA  LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lazily linking up ridiculously late with Kimbooli for The Lounge.

Also linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

Have you made any escapes lately? Do you like being controversial?

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