Diets Be Damned

Well another Monday rolled around, funnily enough right after Sunday. Don't you just hate when that happens?  At least it's the start of another week. Another beginning... Another diet...

No wonder it's the most universally loathed day of the week! Anyway, let's talk diets. They suck. The end. 

That was a quick conversation! The truth is, I'm currently a Weight Witches member. The weird thing is that apparently you can't just twitch your nose and be instantly lighter and thinner! How rude! 

I'm trying to do that delusional thing where I convince myself that it's a lifestyle change and not a diet. I really LOVE salad, not cakies and chocolate and ALL THE CARBS. 

Which reminds me, I just had a big bowl of pasta and a small bowl of salad for dinner. It should have been the other way around. Oops. 

I've never been on any other diets. It was just pure luck, but when I was young I didn't have a weight problem. As a teen I was slender despite my Mars Bar addiction and sport aversion. 

In my 20's I did gain a little and was COMPLETELY HORRIFIED. But now I look back and realise that this was a waste of energy because I looked FINE.  It wasn't until my late 30's, after having Mr 6 that my metabolism apparently decided to go on a permanent holiday. Nice one. I guess I won't be needing it any more. Except I do. Desperately. 

Previously I had been able to pretty much eat whatever I like and as long as I exercised I stayed at a reasonable weight. Not any more. Those days are over. It's extremely tragic. Not really. I'm just like every other middle aged person. I'm not exactly sure why the human body didn't evolve so that weight was like height. You should get to the perfect number where you look and feel your healthiest and it should stay that way! 

Even though I've lost a bit of weight recently with this Weight Witches palaver I still have the usual issues with food. I eat for every other reason than being hungry. I eat when I'm sad, stressed, bored, just because it's there and just because I'm a pig and it tastes good, OKAY?? I have good and bad weeks days. 

I can't do extreme diets. Any diet that involves eliminating a certain food or food group entirely be it sugar, carbs, meat, dairy, CAKE (especially cake!), is not for me. I refuse to label certain foods as 'good' or 'bad'. 

Similarly, diets involving shakes, juice cleansing or soups - forget it. Knowing me, I will just drink the shake then think 'wait a minute, where is the REAL food? That was a drink, NOT food!' I need something to munch on. Shut up. 

I'm not immune to all the same issues as every other women. I dislike certain parts of my body, avoid mirrors as much as possible and have never worn a bikini in my entire life. I just don't have the confidence. But I still refuse to be a slave to diets.

After all, we all know that diets don't work. If they did it wouldn't be a multi-billion gazillion dollar industry. Sorry, I don't know the exact figure and I'm too lazy to Google it. Again, shut up.

Despite there being some so-called 'revolutionary' new diet plan every other day or week we all know that there is nothing revolutionary about it. It always comes down to the old 'eat less, move more' thing. That's it. So that's what I've done. The fact that the eat less part involves eating less cake and chocolate is something I find rather unfortunate. Suddenly I hear weepy violin music. 

And on that note I will end it here and go and have dessert. Of course I can have dessert! As long as it's fruit. Hmmm, I do have a slice of sticky date pudding in the fridge and dates are fruit, aren't they??

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Linking up (late) for I Must Confess. 

What do you think about diets? Have you been on any crazy ones?