Devoid Of Devices

Here we are in 2013. The 21st Century. In a time and place where devices reign supreme. There are gadgets and gizmo's galore. Okay, I don't actually know what a 'gizmo' is, I just liked the sound of the word. Oh, alright, it's not actually a word. But I still like it. So ner.



These are my only tablets.

Disclosure: This is not even
remotely a sponsored post, though
I probably should be
sponsored by Nurofen, since
I keep them in business.

I must confess, I just don't have any devices. Apart from the ubiquitous lap-top. Nothing. We use a pathetic old Nokia phone. Between the two of us. It doesn't even have a camera on it.  Pathetic.  I possess no Ipad, Iphone or Ipod. The only tablets I have are Panadol or Nurofen.

I keep the Nurofen company in business. Yep, plenty of those kind of tablets. None of the other. It's too bad really. In fact, I'm not even entirely sure of what a tablet device even is. Ahem.

Actually, I don't even have a GPS. I still rely on the good old Gregory's Street Directory. Am I a dinosaur, or what? It's just not good enough. I simply need to get with the times. What on Earth is WRONG with us? We still have not become Cashed Up Bogans who text each other from separate rooms of our gigantic McMansion.

The McMansion we don't have..to match
all the devices we don't have..

It's bad enough being technologically challenged in these times by a lack of gadgets and devices. It's clearly unforgivable if you call yourself a blogger. I'm a phoney, guys. I'll be disowned by the blogging community after this confession.

 Furthermore, I supposedly have Asperger's Syndrome. I know. Perhaps my diagnosis should be questioned? It's not possible to be 'Aspie' and a technophobe, is it? As I have previously stated here. Yet, somehow I manage it.  You know, just to be different. Such irony. I could accept being a quiet, introverted Aspie if I was a technological genius along with it.

I'm not really sure how we have managed to survive such a serious lack of devices without exploding and dying.  I haven't even managed to take a selfie ever in my whole life, which is just all kinds of wrong when you're a blogger.  After all, I need to take my narcissism to the next level. You're all dying to see artistically lit photos of the bangers and mash we have for dinner, right? See what I'm depriving you of?

Since I have no devices to confess, for  the sake of further confessions, I will confess that I forgot to put out the Easter eggs for the boys yesterday morning. I simply slept in and when I awoke Mr 9 wailed: "The Easter Bunny didn't come! Ripped off!"  Then he burst into tears. Oops.

Some time later, I convinced the boys to check outside to make sure he hadn't hidden them out there, then Micky Blue Eyes hastily grabbed the eggs and shoved them in various spots around the house. That bloody Easter Bunny. He had better get his act together next year. Hmph. Ahem.

Then, Mick decided to take the boys to the Easter Show and I decided to stay home. I must confess I only felt a little teensy bit guilty about it. It was a tough decision. I could go to the Easter Show where there are rides, which I detest. Crowds, which I loathe and the lovely aroma of animal shit interspersed with Dagwood Dogs. I could trudge around dodging said shit, while the boys moaned about every single thing they wanted OR I could stay home. By myself.  Tough one, eh?

 I couldn't actually remember the last time I have been home completely alone. Just quietly, I revelled in the solitude. Does this make me a bad mother? I think it makes me an Aspie who is also a mother and I have to do the best I can to cope and having quiet time helps me cope. Quiet time that I rarely have. So, I tried very hard not to be guilty.  Deciding a glass of wine may help me with that, I poured one. Then another. Suddenly I didn't feel guilty anymore.

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

What devices do you have? Go ahead, make me jealous...

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Talentless Technophobe

As you may have noticed this Bogan Blog is bigger, better and more bogan than ever.

I am responsible for the 'more bogan' bit and my brother is responsible for the 'better' bit.

The bigger part, I just made up. It's still the exact same size as far as I can tell.

I have a new header. Thanks to my brother. He is talented.

"If you don't like it, let me know," he said " it only took me five minutes."

Bastard.

You see, I can't even draw stick figures.  You'd think that mother nature would have balanced it out a little and given me a few artistic genes as well. But no, my greedy brother took all of them. Hmph.

There are many more ridiculously artistically talented people in my extended family, so clearly this is genetic trait.  So why did this part of the gene pool bypass me completely?

Not that it deters Mr 4.

"Muuum! Draw Spiderman!" he demands, thrusting pen and paper at me.  My attempts are pitiful. This does not stop him from returning with further demands, each one more complicated than the next.  After Spiderman, he'll want Green Goblin. Then, characters and space ships from Star Wars that he has in lego sets. All way beyond me. 

As well as having zero artistic talent, I am also an astonishing technophobe.

Just using Blogger leaves me in a perpetual state of confusion, causing massive brain explosions. As my Mum says, if my brains were dynamite they wouldn't blow a part in my hair. (She has lots of other funny sayings too but I'll save them for another post.)

Walking home from school the other week Master 11 enquired hopefully:

"Mum, can I get an Iphone?"

" I don't even have an Iphone!" was my indignant reply.

Impervious he continued "Can I get an Ipod for Christmas? Or an Ipad?"

I don't have those either.  We are such a technologically deprived family.  It's quite tragic. 

If we ever do end up purchasing such gadgets, I may never work out how to use them. Or, by the time I do they are already out dated as the next model has usurped them.

That's the problem. Technology changes so fast, it's hard to keep up.  Especially for a technophobe.

I fear my boys will grow up and I will not have documented every second of their existence with photos, videos etc.  After all, shouldn't I have uploaded every cute thing they have ever said or done to Youtube?

Instead I miss photo opportunities on a regular basis. Despite charging up the camera, I turn it on only to have the red light blinking frantically at me.  This happened when I took Mr4 to Featherdale Wild Life Park last term with Playgroup. Consequently I missed a chance for a cute snap of Mr 4 with a koala and other animals.

This photo has no relevance to this post whatsoever,
I just don't have any current photos, of course. Oh, shut up.

Undeterred, I charged it again before our recent bogan road trip. Again, same thing. No go. This means there is no photographic evidence of our trip.

The only positive side is having no photographic evidence of my double chins. Bonus.

It strikes me as absurdly ironic.  As an introverted Aspergian I'm supposed to be a techie geek. I should have computer skills and knowledge of a genius like level rivalled only by Bill Gates, a suspected Aspergian himself.

Since my diagnosis I have been trying to work out what genius like talent or savant skill I possess, as many Aspergians are reputed to have them.   I have come up with: NOTHING.

I guess I can always  comfort myself with the knowledge that not being able to purchase or work out a computer, camera, phone or any gadget pretty much falls into the category of First World Problems.

Besides, my alarming lack of skills and talent will never stop me from banging on here in this boring as batshit bogan blog. So ner.

Do you have artistic talent? Are you a technophobe? (Somebody please say yes...)

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