Then And Now #FridayReflections

It often occurs to me that I essentially haven't matured much beyond the age of about twelve. Sure, I've gotten older. I've added a husband and some ankle biters.

Except they're not ankle biters anymore. Details. Hold it. Does anyone actually say ankle biters anymore? Oh right, I just did. So there's that.

Back to the maturity thing. In a lot of ways I've remained childlike. In the sense that I still love all the same things I did when I was twelve.

As a child I was known for make believin'. All alone I created fantasies. As I grew people called it self deceiving, but my heart helped me hold the memories...

Okay, that last paragraph is actually the words to a Carpenters song (Those Good Old Dreams). But that's my point. (I think I have one).

At age of twelve I loved:

• Carpenters music.
• Anne Of Green Gables.
• Reading and books in general.
• Dogs. 
• Daggy movies and TV shows like The Golden Girls. 
• Chocolate and cakie things. 
• Barbie dolls. 

I still love all of them, except the Barbie dolls. I did manage to move on from those. 

Additionally, I was:

• Shy.
• Quiet.
• Introverted.
• A homebody. 
• A daydreamer.

Some might say I've also suffered from a chronic case of the terrible affliction known as Resting Bitch Face since childhood. Especially considering my reluctance to smile in photos. Nice.

All of the above still applies at age 47. Sigh. Well, I guess I can summon up a smile for a snap these days. Sort of. Kind of. Maybe. Mostly. Okay, sometimes. Shut up.

It can be disconcerting to realise that you've never really grown up. But then again, adulthood is overrated.

And what is so wrong with all of those things anyway? It's not like I enjoyed setting things on fire as a child and haven't grown out of it! That would definitely be a problem. 

After all, even Resting Bitch Face has its advantages.

Winning!

What about you?

What were you like as a child?

Are you still the same now?

Linking up for Friday Reflections.

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True Colours

Some people love all the colours of the rainbow, but only if they are strictly in rainbow order (you know who you are).  Others favour vivid, intense colours. Bright reds and purples. I think I'm an Earthy girl. Or, you know, boring...

I seem to be drawn to subtle shades of mint or sage green. Teals and olives. 

I've always thought of myself as not being much of a pink person, which is funny because I'm a breast cancer survivor.  However, I guess I did have a sort of pink, girly bedroom as a child/teen. Well, actually it was more of a soft peachy apricot with pink undertones. But this was the 80s, so it could have been worse. I could have had hideous floral wallpaper... Oh wait... I did at one stage. 

Anyway, after doing some lazy googling comprehensive research about my colour preference I have discovered this:

There is a good deal of nonsense on the internet. Who knew? 

Related: I found  this website.

In summary, supposedly people who favour green are natural among groups, love to join in and always know what to say and do...

Um. No. No, I don't.

Also; this: 

Having a personality color green means you are strong-willed and do not like to be told what to do by others. You do like to win arguments and do not concede defeat easily.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! NO. 

I avoid arguments and confrontations like hipsters avoid gluten.  

 But then, this:

With a personality color green you are not a risk-taker and not action orientated, rather more of an observer. You love to sit in a café and watch the world go by.

Well, okay. Yes. Fair call. Except I like to sit in a cafe eating cake. Get it right, Internet! 

Then this site goes on to explain that if you DISLIKE green, you:

• Are not a social joiner.

• Are not particularly interested in nature.

• Are a loner, preferring solitude to crowds. 

Overall this sounds MUCH more like me. Crazy old Internet. And Google is supposed to know everything! 

Personally, I think I am just a mummy's girl and my mum's preference has always been for greens. But I also like blues. Especially teals and blue greens. Just to mix it up a bit.  

Mr 8 is a funny old thing when it comes to colours. He frequently quizzes me about his favourites. For a long time it was red. Now he's progressed to purple. The brighter the better for this boy. 

When it comes to clothing, I'm the opposite to Mr 8. I  prefer to wear basic black. Having said that, a quick rummage in my wardrobe reveals that the majority of my rags pieces ARE black, but there is also a fair amount of red. Because red goes with black. Duh.  And even though I'm not really interested in soccer, the rest of my family support the Western Sydney Wanderers, so at least I'm showing some sort of solidarity by wearing their colours.  

Over the years I've discovered that pale colours do not suit me. I am originally a natural redhead with fair skin, so I look washed out in pastels. Black and brighter colours are the go. Greens do suit me, because I have green eyes. Fascinating information, I am sure. 

Anyway, according to the above website, if you favour black it means (among other things):

You may appear intimidating to even your closest colleagues and friends, with an authoritarian, demanding and dictatorial attitude.


*SNORTS* 

Yeah, nah. I don't think I'm intimidating to anyone, even the dog. Or an ant. Or a shadow...

But I have been known to do this:

Now, if you'll excuse me, there are some piles of black clothing that need putting away.

What are your favourite colours? 

What do you think they say about you? 

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Ten Things I Like About Me

Hello there! It's Monday and the merciful end of the school holidays!

Once again I'm joining in for Life This Week. 

Today's prompt is: 10 Things You Like About You. 

I had to think about it and I was struggling.  I eventually came up with this list:

1.I have a cute sense of humour 
2. I am honest
3. I am loyal
4. I am kind
5.I am resilient
6. I am resourceful
7. I am not at all materialistic
8. I am quiet (I've decided that being quiet can be positive because I don't gossip or have verbal diarrhoea. Written diarrhoea is my specialty, however..coughs...)
9. I am a very loving, demonstrative mother (in the end that's all that really matters)
10.I have a lovely shaped head (so everybody told me when I shaved my head because of chemo)

Observe my lovely shaped head. Be very jealous. 

Somehow even after writing this list I still wasn't convinced. Oftentimes we can't see ourselves the way others do. Or maybe that's just me... 

Anyway, I asked my Facebook friends what they liked about me.

The number one answer was my sense of humour. It's odd because I'm really not funny at all in person. Like I've said before, I'm quiet and shy. So my sense of humour is only apparent on Facebook and on this blog. But that's good enough, right? Who cares about real life? All our friends are in the computer anyway! 

So it's settled. I'm officially a comedic genius! You're laughing sarcastically hysterically right now, admit it. See? 

Looking at the list again, I sound like some one's pet dog. Loyal, kind, always thinking about food... Okay, that last point wasn't on the list. But it's true. Yep, I'm sort of like a puppy.  Cute to have around, but completely useless. You can't help but find me endearing anyway. Am I right? 

Meanwhile, having a lovely shaped head does come in handy if you ever have to have a round of chemotherapy. It's a highly underrated quality. I think people should start putting it on resumes and dating profiles. Truly. Why not?

That way people would know in advance what they were getting themselves in for. Should your partner ever get cancer or decide to become a skinhead or a hare krishna, at least they'll have a pleasing noggin. 

I mean, thank goodness I don't have a 'head like a racing tadpole', as the saying goes. I have no idea why the heads of racing tadpoles are so abhorrent... Oh wait... They're tadpoles. Yeah. YUCK. 

And as for being quiet. What an absolute GIFT that is. Haven't we all known some one we wish would just SHUT THE FUCK UP? 

Furthermore, it turns out that people like my writing! Who knew? It often seems like crickets are chirping over here. 

Also, the fact that I am obsessed with partial to a bit of cake was pointed out as an admirable quality. See? Cake brings people together. It's important! I always knew it. 

It's good to see people protesting about important issues.

Another positive trait was the fact that I'm thoughtful and polite to puppies. As you should be. Puppies are cute. See above. 

According to another friend my antipathy to all things domestic was something to commend. After all, she could relate! To which I say:

UNDOMESTIC GODESSES UNITE! (Except not at each others houses because we don't want to clean up). 

However, THIS comment from the wonderful Kirsty Russell over at My Home Truths was THE BEST:

Kirsty Russell I love your self-deprecation and the fact you can make the most mundane of facts, very funny and very interesting. I love your persistence and resilience too. You've slapped down cancer (both yours and your husband's), you've embraced a late diagnosis of Aspergers, you've endured loss and you are raising beautiful boys. You rock x

That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thanks Kirsty! She's right. I DO rock. Quite literally. 

It's one of those weird (but wonderful) Aspie things. But the way I see it, it's movement. Which means exercise. So...WINNING!

In fact, as a teenager that was the only exercise I got. Rocking away in my room to Carpenters music (or ABBA or Barbra Streisand). Some people like to head bang to heavy metal. I rock to easy listening. You got a problem with that? 

This is called being resourceful. Plus, after years of going backwards and forwards to various shrinks I finally figured out that I'm Aspie myself! (And subsequently got an official diagnonsense). 

Additionally, I worked out how to create a blogger account and provide you with all the wit and wisdom I write here! You're welcome! See? SO resourceful. Or something...

So there you have it. Ten things I like about me!

But enough about me! What else do YOU like about me?!

Just kidding...

What do you like about YOU? 

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One thing I wish I did differently

There was a time when I wished I did absolutely everything differently. Every single personality trait I have, I wished was the opposite.


Everything I wished was different


I'm quiet - I wished I was... not loud exactly, but bubbly and articulate.
I'm an introvert - I wished I was an extrovert. 
I'm shy- I wished I was outgoing, fearless and confident.
I'm scatter-brained and disorganised - I wished I was focused and efficient.
I'm a drifter and daydreamer - I wished I was driven and disciplined.
I'm nonathletic and uncoordinated - I wished I was sporty. 
I'm a night owl - I wished I was a morning person.

Blah blah blah.

Luckily, I don't have any gender confusion. I don't wish I was a man. Except for rare moments in grotty public toilets when the ability to be able to pee standing up would be an asset. But I digress.


Have I come to terms with all of the above?


I would like to be able to say that I've triumphed over all of the above and am blissfully happy and contented with my quiet, scatter-brained, nonathletic, night-owl self. But I can't. Well, to be honest, being quiet and introverted doesn't bother me as much as it used to, (although it often continues to bother others). However, I still find myself wishing I was much more organised, driven and disciplined. 

I guess it's because I'd like to be able to have something to point to in self-defence. People may like to point out that I'm quiet, but then I'd like to be able say "Well yes, I am, but on the other hand I'm really efficient and organised."

Um, no. No, I'm not. And it kind of irks me, to be honest. I get all whiny and pouty and pissed off like a three year old being denied cake. Or a 45 year old. Details. Shut up.

 If I'm going to struggle in one area, why can't I have another that is a strength? Nope. Lucky me, I get to struggle with social skills and executive functioning.


Always be yourself


And to make matters worse, it's not like my Aspie brain decided to fixate on a really helpful special interest like say, math or, I dunno, gardening or something. My mind decides to fixate on Karen Carpenter. I can remember every little tiny detail I've read or heard about her career and life both good and bad, yet I can't remember where I put my glasses five minutes ago or which school notes are due or what day it is. It's probably Monday if I've posted this. Is it Monday?

The only thing this (my Karen Carpenter obsession) is useful for is time-wasting and making people look at you like you have two heads. Winning! 

That's why expressions like 'be yourself' and 'feeling comfortable in your own skin' annoy me. 

It seems like when advice like the former is doled out it really means: be yourself, but only if you're an outgoing, type A, driven extrovert. 

And I don't know if I'll ever be truly one hundred percent comfortable in my own skin at all times. Maybe accepting that I'm always going to be just a tiny bit awkward is as good as it gets. In this way perhaps I'll worry about it less. I can already see this working. I know I'm always the most quiet person in any given situation, but I can still show up and sit there with my resting bitch face on. It's all good. 

The ONE thing I wish I did differently


Of course I'm just over thinking. As usual. 

So I guess if I was going to pinpoint one thing that I wish I did differently it would be that. I wish I didn't over think about stuff. Especially all of the above. After all, people still genuinely like me the way I am. Some of them even love me and would lose a kidney for me if necessary. And they feel this way without me changing a thing. They like quiet, scatter-brained me, complete with a cake and Karen Carpenter obsession. Well, I'm sure Mickey Blue Eyes wishes I'd get over it at times, but I wish he'd get over his soccer obsession, so we're even. 

And some people will simply never like you even if you gave them a Ferrari, and that's OK. Being liked by everyone sounds exhausting to an introvert like me! 

I suppose I could try an experiment George Costanza style and do the opposite of every instinct I have for a day or two to see how it goes? But then I'd have to not eat cakies. Bugger that!

Yep, it's definitely time to stop over thinking. Now if only I could stop over thinking about over thinking....

I'll have to think about that...



Linking up for I Must Confess.

Linking up again for Friday Reflections.

What's the one thing you wish you did differently?

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