I remember when I used to live a tragic life. You know you have a tragic life when you're sitting at home on a Friday night, at age 21, watching Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, thinking "Something isn't right here."
It may have a been around this time that I went out with a person who was nicknamed Walrus. Because he looked like one. Using the term 'went out' rather loosely, in the sense of spending an entertaining evening passive smoking in his vicinity at a local night club. And I really, really hate night clubs.
My desperation sunk even lower however, when on one shopping trip, I was trying on clothes. There may have been lycra involvement and body suits.(I know, I can't believe that I wore that stuff. Or more to the point that I was thin enough to wear it 20 years ago. Sigh) The sales girl was rather chatty and somehow the conversation veered to discussing that it was hard to meet anyone decent these days in the fast paced 90's (or the 'olden days' as my boys now refer to them).
Next thing you know the sales girl whose name was Faye, if I remember correctly, ( and I only remember that because it is my middle name) said she knew some decent guys and could fix me up if I was interested. Showing how utterly desperate I was I agreed and gave a complete stranger, albiet, a seemingly nice, friendly stranger but nevertheless, a stranger, my phone number and permission to play cupid.
The following day she rang. "Okay, I've got two guys," she began "now, they're not exactly Tom Cruises, but we're no Nicole Kidman's are we?"
"No, of course not." I concurred, secretly wondering why nobody ever seemed to notice my striking resemblance to Ms Kidman. I mean, I had the red hair and the erm...well okay, just the red hair, but that's a resemblance, right?
It transpired that she had two possible guys for me, one had just come out of a break up, the other had never had a girlfriend before as he was very shy and quiet, according to Faye. "Like you." she added. However, the only boyfriend I'd ever had at that point had been a complete wanker who'd been obsessed with a previous girlfriend so the latter guy actually sounded more appealing.
So it was all set. We were going on a double date with Faye and her partner. When we arrived to pick him up, he wasn't there. Not a particularly promising start. His Mum informed us he was at the Gym. "Oh well, at least you know he works out." Faye reassured me brightly, trying to put a positive spin on it, as we headed to Penrith Panthers Leagues Club to wait for him to meet us there.
It may have a been around this time that I went out with a person who was nicknamed Walrus. Because he looked like one. Using the term 'went out' rather loosely, in the sense of spending an entertaining evening passive smoking in his vicinity at a local night club. And I really, really hate night clubs.
My desperation sunk even lower however, when on one shopping trip, I was trying on clothes. There may have been lycra involvement and body suits.(I know, I can't believe that I wore that stuff. Or more to the point that I was thin enough to wear it 20 years ago. Sigh) The sales girl was rather chatty and somehow the conversation veered to discussing that it was hard to meet anyone decent these days in the fast paced 90's (or the 'olden days' as my boys now refer to them).
The following day she rang. "Okay, I've got two guys," she began "now, they're not exactly Tom Cruises, but we're no Nicole Kidman's are we?"
"No, of course not." I concurred, secretly wondering why nobody ever seemed to notice my striking resemblance to Ms Kidman. I mean, I had the red hair and the erm...well okay, just the red hair, but that's a resemblance, right?
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| Obviously the resemblance is uncanny |
So it was all set. We were going on a double date with Faye and her partner. When we arrived to pick him up, he wasn't there. Not a particularly promising start. His Mum informed us he was at the Gym. "Oh well, at least you know he works out." Faye reassured me brightly, trying to put a positive spin on it, as we headed to Penrith Panthers Leagues Club to wait for him to meet us there.
About an hour or so later a very reluctant looking young man arrived, staring at the floor, as if he was willing it to open up and swallow him. After mumbling hello, he then proceeded to steadfastly stare at the floor for the entire night, not once making eye contact. To make matters worse, neither one of us uttered a single word to each other, but sat there in excruciating silence, while Faye tried to make polite chat chat to diffuse the situation. It was beyond awful.
The only thing more awful was yet another blind date I went on, this time arranged by some friends of the family. We went to the Burning Log Theatre Restaurant, and made it through dinner and the show okay, but things disintegrated quickly when we ended up on the dance floor. This guy obviously fancied himself as some sort of super suave and sexy cross between John Travolta and Patrick Swayze and began gyrating in front of me, urging me to "Move your body!" Instead I just began to laugh at him helplessy. Oddly enough, this did not seem to impress him.
On the way home he abruptly pulled the car over around the corner from my house, lunged over and stuck his tongue down my throat. I remained completely unmoved by this display of passion.
Needless to say, I never saw either 'date' again. And I am very glad those tragic days are over. There was a very happy ending of course. I met an enigmatic, brooding Mr Darcy type and went off into the sunset to live in splendour in a luxurious estate. Um, wait, no...actually I've just been reading too much Jane Austen.
I mean, I met Micky Blue Eyes and we ended up here in Boganville. Stay tuned for the whole touching love story. Coming Soon.
I mean, I met Micky Blue Eyes and we ended up here in Boganville. Stay tuned for the whole touching love story. Coming Soon.
Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess
Did you ever have any dating disasters? Tell all...
